Hello,
My dad was hospitalized with TIA on June 3rd, he refused MRI and was discharged after 4 days. June 14th? (Fathers day) he was confused at my house, agitated, and could not remember the day, despite telling him 5 times it was fathers day. He was not able to do scratch off, I felt this was probably dimentia. The next day I called cause I wanted to take him to dr and found out he fell on patio the night before, so I took him to dr imediatly. Dr cleaned him up, arm legs and even though he had no memory of it his head was gashed as well. Dr said he probably had another tia, dad refused hospital but we had to follow up with neurologist. Went 4 days later, dad was great said fathers day never happened, and he tripped cause dark. Neuro said he was fine. 5 days later June 28th dad went to bed and couldnt speak, screaming and couldnt move legs. ambulance took to er ct showed not much, i showed up at hospital (because mom never called night before) at 8 am. Dr thought it was anxiety, he couldnt move arms legs and would just scream. I told them please sedate him and do mri, they did and found 4 major strokes. one happened between ct scan and mri.
After 6 days in hospital unable to move at all he was transferred to acute rehab. He came along quickly, speaking first. Now 3 weeks later they want to send him home sat. My mom is the only one to carefor him, she is walking with cane after not completing rehab for knee replacement in Nov. the house is a split level, stairs throughout. Dad is able to get out of bed with assistance, use walker for houshold distance 50 ft and with extreme support 4 steps. we had family training today ( me and my mom ) and he almost fell with walker 2 times, as well as on stairs 3 therapist were holding him as he said he was unable to do what they were saying like the stroke again. When I say able,, they say he is capable of doing the things he needs to,but is not able to do them??? *** really,, how is my mom suppose to care for him? shouldnt they make sure e is SAFE to go home? He is NOT!!!! he is suppose to use walker to bathroom,, doesnt,, has accidents cause he cant get up. They have him on zanax and depression medication but he claims to still have anxiety.
He had strokes from diabetes, and they are now giving hi insulinwhich we have no idea how to do. His diet has also changed and we have not been educated about. I guess the worste part is, my mom cn barely take care of herself, how can she take care of him? she cant even walk to support him and the house is plain dangerous.. The therapist are coming to our house on Thurs with my dad to do a home assesment but he must be discharged on Sat. We asked if they can give him another week and we were told no.. his roomate that was only 47 and very stable said my dad has gotten worse in his opinion, and is very bad in the morning requiring 2 aides to even get him up out of bed. Just to get to bathroom at my parents house he needs to walk with walker sideways doors are only 24 inches. To make things worse, I will be away sat-sat on a already paid for trip with my kids and family.
Please someone help me?? What can we do,, my moms idea is to take him home and do things her way.. which means sit him in recliner and never progress. He has great insurance, blue cross blue shield and medicare he is 76 retired teacher. he will get pt and ot 1x a week and nurse 1x a week. Dad also does not feel he can manage in home..
Hello, and welcome to our family of stroke survivors and their loved ones. I am so sorry for the predicament you have found yourself in with your fathers recent strokes. When my strokes hit me 8 years ago, they came in a pack of 4 as well, so I understand what you are going through.
My most immediate suggestion is to get in contact with the department of Aging and Independent Services in your city...or the most similar type agency in your area. I am in California, and they have provided me with in home care on a daily basis for the entire 8 years since my strokes. Although mine happened when I was only 43, these services are really meant for elderly folks who need daily help at home. As you know, your mother cannot be expected to provide for all your dads new needs at this time.
Hopefully the case worker will also have many other resources to offer you when she does the home assessment and sees the issues there. I would like to assure you that they will not allow him to be at home should things be as dangerous as they are at this writing. Stroke recovery is a very slow and precarious situation, especially with the complications you have described with the insulin dependent diabetes and his falling. May I ask your dads age?
I can imagine that your dad is very confused and overwhelmed at this point. Surviving 4 strokes is a huge undertaking, and in my case it led to organ failure as well (kidneys), so he is going to need intensive medical intervention and support, as well as yourself and your mother.
You have really found a wonderful place here, and there are so many good people that are here to help you through this. While we may not have every answer, between us we have loads of information and ideas that we will be sharing with you. I will close for now, to allow another of us to share their thoughts with you, but please take a deep breath, and know that you are in good hands, and anything that we can do for you, we will.
Although it is obvious that you feel in quite a panicky state, just keep breathing and take one step at a time...We can help you through this...
Thanks janet. <3
My dad is 76, he had a his first stroke about 56 and bounced right back, not even requiring rehab. I truthfully do not think they are even going to get him in the house, but therapist said they will not keep him there but send him to another facility with sub acute care. ie nursing home Yes I am paniky, but I finally feel a sence of releif here thanks <3
It just amazes me that they decided to send him home sat. when i specifically told them I would not be there for a week. It has taken a toll on my husband and children, but this is my dad ,, my rock and I am so worried, and stressed out.
The therapist and dr keep saying he is capable, but he has no endurance and mentally cant do it?? really so how is that ready to come home, how do you know he is capable? How is my disabled 4ft 9 mom going to et my 6ft 220 lb dad into house by herself? Oh and they want her to carry walker up and down stairs when he does them, seriously she couldnt even close it before and they want us to put armchairs at every level so he can sit immediatly after steps.. what would it hurt for another week to make sure it gets better?
Oh and yes, today when he almost fell on stais and couldnt respond to there instructions while they held him (3 therapist,2 men) I went and got social worker and they decided it was his nerves, when asked what would we do at home they said it wouldnt he just got nervous here.....
I am glad to hear that finding us here has been a bit of a relief already. There is simply no way your mother and father can or should be expected to care for themselves, or each other so soon following such a traumatic brain injury, and as you mention the sheer physical size difference makes it almost comical to even suggest such a thing!
Another resource that crossed my mind is Adult Protective Services. I would encourage you to make yourself a file of agencies and services provided by the state, the county, their insurance company, anyone who will give you the time of day to find a way through this. Your telephone book should have an entire section of Senior Care, Adult Services, and other agencies of that nature. Have you spoken to the social workers at the hospital yet? I have found that there are some really wonderful folks out there, that will really go out of their way to pass on all the resources they have when you explain the simple facts going on here.
You also mention you are feeling the pressure of your own children and husband, I am so sorry for that. These things never happen at a "good" time, and of course, your dad's health has to come first. Until then, I encourage you to do whatever you can to maintain your own sanity, even if you have to steal yourself a moment or two, lock yourself in the bathroom, or get yourself out for a walk around the block. You cannot be of any help to anyone if you are breaking down yourself. I can really hear the love you have for your dad in your words. I have the same sort of love for my dad too and would not let anything ever happen to him or my mom, no matter who was standing in the way.
Are you close by, enough to be able to get to the hospital, and to your folks house without a great commute? How is your mom holding up? We really understand how stroke can affect every member of the family, and I have always been one to deeply appreciate the role of our caretakers, I have always thought it to be the hardest of all.
I am quite surprised that a medical professional would even suggest that anyone of your dads age, and following 4 strokes could be assessed as anything but "too soon to tell". The early weeks and months are filled with changes, there can be functions gained and lost again, new losses, and a gamut of unknowns to pop in and out during this volatile time. To even consider leaving him to make decisions for himself would almost be cruel, because of the level of confusion we are left with, while so many connections have been compromised by the strokes.
Does your mom still drive and get around ok? I just really want you to know that we are here to support your entire family and try to ease as much of the stress and fear as possible from your shoulders. Between all the services available to our elderly and ill, I can almost assure you that your dear dad will not be left to be home alone with your mother as his caretaker. Sometimes people in the healthcare system can blurt out things that are enough to throw us into a tailspin, without a thought! My feeling is that has happened to you with a few of the statements you have shared with me. There should always be alternatives presented, because there always are alternatives.
I hope you are getting a good nights sleep as I type this, and I will surely be checking in tomorrow to see if you have posted.
Thanks <3 <3
I live across the street although my husband has justbeen transferred 600 miles away and we have to move end of Sept. I have spoke to my parents about them coming with us, but right now there is tooo much going on to make that kind of decision.
My mom drives, short distance, but I really do not think she should.. She is a tough women, does not listen to dr's and thinks she has all the answers. Her way will fix everything and hates not having control over everyone. I actually have 2 brothers one lives 4 hours away, and we see maybe 1x a year and he calls my parents very little. The other one actually lives with them and his 2 teenage boys. He is never home, ever, maybe 1 night a week if that, and nothing i say will change that. His 2 boys 16 and 19 my dad and mom raised since he were 5 &9 have drug issues, and anger issues. it has been 30 days since stroke and they visited 1x for 10 minutes the first week. They have NO respect for anyone, and can not count on them for anything. very sad.
I came to terms last night that if my dad is capable to do the things they say,, then him getting into house and stairs exct will work out on Thurs. If it does not,, my comment will be to them who is responsible if something happens to him? I am also planning on video taping the visit, this way there is no conflict of what he did or didnt do. Ya know the therapist might have memory loss when they drive 10 minutes back to hospital. Hey at the very least it will show us how to help dad, and what to do.
We are taking a break, I have come home and taken walks to release. We are going on a long planned vacation on Sat for a week.
Thanks again,
going to hospital in a little while <3 yes, spoke to social worker, she said the floor dr is only one to make decision.
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: gclaec ennbee (08-08-2011), Positive Cynic (07-27-2011)
Hello gclaec,
Welcome to the board. First, I am very sorry to hear about your father. That being said, the situation with the hospital sounds outrageous to me. From what you have written it almost sounds like they are leaving you abandoned. Do you think that all of this may be about an insurance or money thing? It is really a shame though what ever the reason is, it just doesn't seem right to me. But at the same time, every hospital is different and I know that there are good ones and bad ones. Unfortunately if they are releasing him, there is not much you can do much about it, but move on. Janet has already suggested to you what I would say also is to find some other agencies that will help. I know how overwhelming this whole affair is, but you all will get through it. You will not be left alone to have to deal with this yourself. There are wonderful agencies out there that will help you - that is what they are there for - and you have us here too on this forum for support and and help that we can do. Is your mother able to make calls and try to find some assistance? It is too bad that you have to leave soon, but it sounds like your mother sounds like a take charge kind of person, so maybe she will like the challenge of finding some assistance. It also sounds to me that you father is a "I will do it myself" kind of person. Is that true? I just so that because he refused to go the doctors at first. So he may really be a fighter and do ok at home. You never know. Every stroke is different and every person's recovery is different too. That does worry me about having those teenagers in the house though with your father just having a stroke. I know for a fact that stress at home doesn't do any good for stroke recovery. You surely have a lot of things going on all at once. I want you to know that you can write any time here and some one will always respond. We all understand here, because we have all been through it too. So you can ask questions, scream, or cry, or rant, or whatever you need to do. Please keep up posted on how things are going.
So much to respond to, but today is a busy day for me, so I will have to come back this evening. My son and I are going to my parents house, in fact...to do some heavy lifting so they can have their wood floors re-done tomorrow.
It especially irks me to hear of how little regard those teenagers have for your parents, now that they really could use their help! My son was only 9 at the time of my strokes, and without him, I don't know where I would be. He has been securely at my side the entire time, always ready to give my a hug when one is called for. I adore that child of mine.
Just came home from a much needed vacation. Day before we left dad did home assesment and therapist said no way ould he safely go home.. They apologized and aid I was right...duh!!! But... they could onlly keep my dad there 3 weeks.. so we had about 4 hours to find a new facilty sub acute, or he would be transferred to the first availible bed within 50 miles. The place we picked had no beds,, so we ran to 4 other places. The last one wen went to had a bed and when we got there to visit, and check it ut, we were told my dad was being transferred there. Good thing we liked it, there was no other choice.
Dad has done amazing in the past week. He is still having a great deal of problems with balance and coordination, but working 5 times harder at sub acute than he did at acute care facility. The problem I am trying to figure out is, something new.. tightness he calls it on top of his head??
Yes I am paniky, but I finally feel a sence of releif here thanks <3 
