Hello all! I am 35 years old. I am mostly healthy and rarely sit still. I am having a very difficult time after my stroke almost 2 weeks ago.
I feel very confused about WHY this happened to me. I feel powerless and afraid to be by myself. I'm afraid to go back to work, because my work requires me to drive a lot. I'm sad because I'll never have another child because of this, and even though I'm mostly 'ok' I still feed like I have my head in the clouds and my eyes get filmy/tired easily.
Does that make sense?
My stroke was almost 2 weeks ago... I am a developmental therapist so I work with young children and help them with developmental issues from birth to age 3. I love my job, and I don't want to NOT work.
I read that a lot of folks who have strokes get depressed. Is the way I'm feeling constitute depression. What are your experiences... and how have you overcome these feelings, if you've had them.
Just one more thing... husband and I were doing IVF (in-vitro fertilization) which the docs believe was the main cause of my stroke. So, not only am I dealing with the fact that I HAD a stroke, but I will also never have any more kids.
Welcome to the board. First I am sorry about what you are going through, but you have to know that there are thousands of stroke survivors that have been right where you are right now at one time in there life right after the stroke. A lot of the feelings you feel right now are common, so don't worry to much if you can help it. I can still remember when I came home the first day from the hospital from my stroke and it was just surreal. I was worried, afraid, and didn't know what to do. My stroke was 2 years ago and I have been on the forum for a long time and the one thing I always write to newbies, is that the doctors are not real good on helping the emotional side of a stroke. So I will try and help you as much as I can and fill in the blanks that the doctor missed or you didn't understand when he was talking to you.
First of all a stroke is a trauma to your brain. There is some damage there. Where ever the stroke occurred that area is dead and will not return. But our brain's are an amazing thing that God created. Once the area is dead, your brain is working hard to re-wire itself around the dead spot and is trying get itself and yourself back to normal as it can. But while it is doing this wonder of nature, your brain (that is who you are) is altered. Who ever you are is how your brain worked a certain way and has done that your whole life. Now there is something not working, so your brain is re-wiring to get it bet to normal. It doesn't like it either, but it is working all the time.
All of your feelings are so normal. You are afraid, worried, powerless, and depressed. We all that had a stroke had those some feeling. Look at it this way. Your brain just had a horrible trauma and is not thinking correct for you right now. Who wouldn't be worried and depressed? It is life changing event that most people don't understand. I hope your husband can understand that you are a little different now. It is nobody's fault at all. It just happens to some people, that is all. Life goes on for us all.
For right now the most imporant thing for you is to sleep when ever you feel like sleeping. It is not bad. Your brain still works and heals itself when you are sleeping. Drink as much water as you can. Our brains are 98% water. And remember that you a forum here of friends of stroke forums that care for you and want to you and help you recover. So write back when you can. this is very important. This silly little forum saved my life when I nowhere to go and a few friends touched out and started on my recovery... Oh, the stories we have. But friend take this and know you are ok. don't go back to work yet. wait a little. Everything is going to be ok. I promise. If I am wrong.... you can sue me ha ha!
The Following User Says Thank You to Positive Cynic For This Useful Post: K8S (01-01-2012)
I am so sorry for your stroke and everything you are feeling is normal. Its nice to hear something is normal. They think my stroke was also caused by hormone therapy however I am much older than you are. You are so young and your right that will be an advantage in your healing process.
First of all you must understand that your poor brain took a hit the day you had your stroke. Because of that it swells and causes symptoms that will deminish as the swelling goes down. The tiredness and foggy head that is so common in stroke patience especially so early into your recovery. It was a small stroke and you know why you had it. The fear of being alone and having another one will deminish as you become stronger and decide one day to take your life back. You are stronger than the fear it has caused. You are stronger than the symptoms created by the stroke. It just takes time to heal and that my friend is the kicker. You sound like you do not rest well or settle well. Since my stroke the kindest thing I did for myself was submit to recovery. Enjoying the quiet, sleeping when I needed to and accepting the journey I was on to recovery. It is something you must do for yourself. You have a whole life ahead of you but now is the time to step back and get in the quiet and recover. Its not so bad really it is a time God has given us to re-evaluate our life. As for no more children, I would put that one in Gods hands. I know miracles happen every minute of every day.
How much you will recover no one knows however, if it was caused by the hormone therapy then at least you know that and dont have other concerns or health issues eg. heart problems or artery problems and that is one very big positive thing to cling to.
I wish you well my dear, please let us know how you are doing. You will find great advice and people who care on this stroke board.
Just remember one day you will take back your life and it will be greater because of what you have gone through.
God Bless Mulchie
Thanks for your reply! I am doing better... the fogginess is getting better and I've been sleeping 12-14 hours a day! So, that's good. I went back to work yesterday. It was a short day, I only saw 1 client. Today I was only supposed to see 2, but they both cancelled on me, so I have half a day off and then off to a 4 hour training.
Ok, back to the reason why yesterday was good for me... I thought I'd be scared to be out driving on my own. I wasn't.
As far as 'no more kids' We are thinking we may adopt next year after we know I'll be OK.
Also, during my stay at the hospital, I did find out I had PFO (I think that's right) I have a hole in my heart between the 2 upper chambers...I go see a cardiologist soon! (I hope)
All in all, I feel much better.. still a little down, but I don't seem to have any major side effects... When I get tired I slur my speech more and sometimes I don't have the words that I need, but doesn't everyone do that sometimes?
I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I'm alive, God has given me another day, and I am trying to remember that it could have been worse. My family is all good, we are all OK.
Thanks for replying to my thread. It feels good to have other people out there that are are have gone through similar things as I have. I appreciate everything you said and that you 'normalized' me.
I did go back to work, but I think for me, who is always on the go... it is good for me to get back to a routine. I have a 'plan' for sleeping, where I sleep more...and my family is supporting me by doing housework and pushing me to rest.
My husband doesn't always get that I'm a little different... but he said to me yesterday... 'I notice I have to be more patient with you, you're not as quick as you used to be' He meant mentally, and I laughed... but he's right... it takes me a few seconds longer to process things. So I kidded with him that we were at the same level now!
Finding humor and smiling is helping with my recovery!
The following user gives a hug of support to knkdouglas: Alone in Vegas (01-03-2012)
Good for you Kaley it sounds like your doing great.
Dont push your self too much remember you are in recovery and that means putting YOU first and making sure what you need happens.
I wish you all the best. Keep in touch.
Adopt - how fantastic!!
God Bless Mulchie
And welcome to the twilight zone a/k/a stroke recovery. I had my stroke on 4/10/11... believe me its an eye-opening situation filled with the oddest questions... "why do my fingers tingle? Why is my left side colder than my right? Why can't I hold my pee? Why the heck does it take me 5 minute to write my name, 30 minutes to put on a pair of pants? And why do I have to take nap after putting on my bra? Your doctors should answer your questions of WHY you had the stroke... but as for how to deal with it... that's easy. HOWEVER YOU WANT TO! I used to apologize for crying at dog food commercials... now I just shrug with my stock answer, "stroke victim". You have a husband and family and that will be great for you. I moved to Vegas and had a stroke 3 months later. My mom is in Chicago... so its difficult being here alone, but God is blessing. I do what I can, when I can, how I can and for as long as I can. When you get tired, sleeeeeeeeeeeep. And don't worry about what you SHOULD be... just take your time and it will come back to you. I was paralyzed... now I'm working, driving, typing... and for a woman who's top typing speed was 175... to be typing 125-150 after a stroke, I'm good! Celebrate your triumps (I screamed when I could raise my left arm and I cried when I wrote my name! And, tolerate your failures (peeing on myself was a daily thing; I just had more laundry to get done) and pray! Because God is ALWAYS in control!
That's my 2 cents! The people here are awesome... they truly understand where you are... if you need to vent, type it out here... they are ridiculously patient. God bless us all.!
__________________ Life... it's what happens while you're planning for it.
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: Alone in Vegas Mulchie (01-03-2012), Positive Cynic (01-03-2012)