My husband had his stroke in July of 2010...although he is better than when he first had his stroke, it seems that he sleeps most of the time..he goes to bed at 7:30 every night, pretty much sleeps until 7:00am, then has his breakfast and his exercising, then is back asleep around 9:00am..and sleeps until around 1:30pm..has his lunch, sits in his chair, and naps until dinner..dinner is at 5:00 or 5:30pm, then he is back in his chair, and mostly naps until he goes to bed at 7:30pm...is this normal? I have heard that stroke victims need plenty of sleep, but this seems like an awful lot of sleeping to me..it worries me quite a bit...can anyone relieve my mind, and make me accept his sleeping and stop getting upset by it?
I feel like such a ***** most of the time..I hate it...I worry about him, and so I nag, and get him upset, as well as myself..I need to stop this vicious circle..I KNOW he can't help the way he is, but I get so frustrated..
Thanks for any help you can offer..
The following user gives a hug of support to nonnie122: Positive Cynic (01-28-2012)
I would like to say that sleeping is very normal after a stroke. And it can take months to get over the stroke sleeping phase. First of all remember that he is not a stroke victim, he is stroke survivor. Make sure you tell that to him when ever possible.
There are 5 billion things I can tell you, but we have to make it slow and I will make it quick. I had a stroke about 2 years ago and a year later got epilepsy because of my stroke. Me and my wife owned 2 businesses that we had to solve, go bankrupt, and lost everything because of my stroke. I have to finish know for the same reason.
last thought. A stroke make a man think differently. to me for the better, but you have to work with your partner no matter what.
Last night I got distracted and didn't get to finish my thoughts. I had to read you post again. A stroke is hard on the whole family. You have to understand that your husband is a different person now. His brain has been altered by the stroke. To be honest, his manhood was taken away and that is a hard thing to except. I am glad that you said you are nagging him. That may be why he is sleeping so much. He doesn't want to hear it. He didn't want the stroke a much as you did. He is probably confused, if you are hounding and worried about him, his only relief is to go to bed. His brain has to heal itself and it takes a long time, I am sorry. Try to just leave him alone so he can think his own thoughts to get better. And he will. If he is like me, I was so scared and confused. I just needed quiet. When he needs you, he will ask. There are no easy answers, and I am sorry. But that is why we are stroke survivors. He is probably depressed too. That is normal after a stroke because your whole life is turned upside down. I was put on Zoloft that seemed to help. Though I fought it and my wife insisted. So there is a good example of the struggles we have after a stroke.
God Bless you and your hubby 100 x
Last edited by Positive Cynic; 01-29-2012 at 08:54 AM.
Wow, thanks for that information...I never thought that he might be sleeping due to depression, or to get away from my nagging him...that is something to consider...
Believe me, I have long talks to myself, to make myself be a better caregiver to him, and to quick the constant hounding...I just want him to get better, and I know he wants that also, so starting today, I promise that I will put on the brakes, and let him get the rest he needs...
Thank you so much for offering that idea to me, as it is not something I had considered before..
God Bless you too, and I hope you are doing better, day by day...
Your welcome nonnie,
I am glad you took what I said with some salt so to speak. He really needs to be left alone for awhile. Did you know that I cried for a month straight. And my wife was so worried, but I told her, please let me cry. I don't know why, but I have to. So after a month, I just stopped crying. It was weird. But I moved on after that. He may have odd behavours for months. It is different to each stroke person. But I know you love him, so this is a trial for you too. But consider him as new person and has to re-learn everything. Quite a job huh?
The following user gives a hug of support to Positive Cynic: Mulchie (01-29-2012)
and welcome to our family of stroke survivors and their families.
I am Janet, and I am a survivor of four strokes, and I am in my ninth year of recovery, I can completely relate to your husbands great need for lots of sleep. Although we are all different in our recovery, I was also one who spent the first three years asleep much of the time. Of course, I am not implying that your husband will need anywhere near that amount of time sleeping, I just want you to know it is something very common.
Although Tim has shared so much of his experience with you, maybe I can share a few more things that will hopefully help you and your husband. Please excuse me if I repeat some things he already mentioned...once I get writing, I can just go on and on..
Each stroke is so different, so each of us have very different needs for recovery. In my case my strokes were scattered all over my brain, and I needed to have each of those sites to have the blood supply re-routed and that took a LONG time. (Of course these are all things I know now, but did not know then). In that time, our brains shut down most of the functions we typically use all the time. Without using those functions, our brains can heal, and much of that happens during sleep. When the time comes that his brain is ready to carry on, it will slowly waken him, and those lost functions will reappear. All this is a slow process, but entirely necessary.
It took me a good 4-5 years before I could begin to think of typing again, and when I did, I came here to learn. What I found here was definitely the greatest experience...from those very humble beginnings, I found my place here, somewhere I was understood and supported. i have made it my purpose to stay here and try to pass on what I have learned to others like yourself,
There is so much information that you will never hear from your doctors, they just do not have the time or the experience first hand. I hope you will come back with all of your questions and concerns, and we will gladly help you through this very difficult time.
Have peace in your husbands sleep time...he is healing. The more chance he has now, the greater his recovery will likely be. Our brains are incredible things that, given the time, will bring your husband back from this trauma.
I am one of many I have met here, who think our strokes let us much better people than we were before. For me, I have become a much more patient, and grateful person...I appreciated those little things we take for granted until they are taken away in one moment. The earlier we can try to take all the lessons the strokes give us, the more we can grow to be our best selves.
We look forward to our next conversation. I try to come on every day, so see you soon!
The Following User Says Thank You to writeleft For This Useful Post: Positive Cynic (01-29-2012)
I agree with Tim, my stroke was 19 months ago. Sleep has been a very big part of my recovery. I am doing much better but I still sleep all night and have an afternoon nap. Some days I need more than other days. So much changes when we have a stroke. So many emotions we are forced to deal with. We are scared, full of fear, our lives have hit a wall and we cant think clearly. So many things to cope with and really all we want to do is get in the quiet and cry. In my recovery every event that went on taxed my energy. From brushing my teeth to putting on my socks. I use to say every morning I got up with a a certain amount of energy. I explained it to my husband like this; I said I had a box full of beads and each bead was energy. I would get dressed in the morning and that would spend 5 beads of energy, I would brush my teeth and that would spend 10 beads. I went through my day struggling to do things and eventually the box was empty and I had no more energy to spend. When I napped I would get a few more beads in my box. Every event took a different toll on me and sometimes one even would clear the box clean of all energy. ( hope that makes sence to you )
After a stroke when in recovery you are dealing with so many things. I have never had anything go on in my life where I was surrounded by people who did not understand. Including Doctors. My family did not understand and thats ok because unless you have had a stroke yourself its so hard to know and feel what we are going through. Your job as a caregiver is a hard one and I do not under estimate the difficulties and hardship you face every day. It does get better. We heal and we embrace our new life and we forge ahead but it all takes time and everyone is different. Depression is a big factor and defently needs to be considered with your husband. Hang in there your doing great. All you can do is Accept Analyze and Adapt. A dear friend told me that.
Maybe your husband doesnt see a life for himself now that he has had a stroke. We loose the life we had and many times we cant see clear to make plans for a new life. Maybe he needs help with that. Please continue to let us know how you are both doing. That is what we are here for.
Good luck and God Bless Mulchie