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Old 01-31-2012, 10:14 PM   #1
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Had a stroke, trying to recover

Back in early May I woke up with the headache to end all headaches. I found my body numb from the top of my head down to my left knee. I could no longer tell where my hand was without looking. I could not write ( I am/was left handed), type, tie my shoes, button my pants, secure my helmet, or shave. I thought I had pinched a nerve.

Well, I went to the doctor last week and he ran a CAT scan. I did in fact have a stroke. Why did I wait so long? I am poor. I can't afford another bill I won't be paying. I finally went because my headaches were unbearable and my fiance would not hear of me not going. Glad she did, my blood pressure was 200/129. I was about to have another stroke. I think stress was/is doing it, since I am 2 months from being married and looking for a new career and giving up my favorite illicit pass time in order to pass a stupid urine test that should be illegal to foist upon innocent people who need medicine. Anyhoo, all that stress was/is getting to me and my bp showed it. She made me seek attention and when I told of what happened to me in May the dr got me a CAT scan and confirmed I had in fact had a stroke.

Since then I have regained the ability to tie shoes and write and am getting better at the guitar thanks to the Rocksmith video game. I still struggle to type and if you had any idea how long it has taken me to write this and how many corrections I have to make you'd wonder why I bother trying.

The numbness is still there, but is slowly getting somewhat better. I still struggle to pull my lighter out of my pocket and get my helmet on for motorbike riding. I forget I have things in my hand and either drop them or try to do things with a full hand without realizing it is full. I feel like I am no longer left handed. Nor do I feel right handed. I feel lost handed. I type with 5 finger on the right and one on the left. And I make a ton of mistakes.

No one believed me when I tried to tell them what happened to me in May and was called a liar by more than one person. They still don't seem to understand and expect me to be as talented as I was before this, and I try. But I fail almost every time.

I wonder if I will ever get over this or get any better. I am reminded of this all the time. I can list action after action that I can no longer do better than a toddler can.

This is the third worst thing that ever happened to me. First was losing my dad at age 17. Next was my wife turning into an insane drunk at 22. Then this. My last relationship comes close, as I feel it was the direct cause of my stroke. I was abused horribly by my ex and treated like I was a piece of dirt. The stroke woke me up enough to realize that if I stayed with her I would be dead in short order. It forced me to dump her and find someone else. Someone who is good for me and makes me happy and doesn't treat me like a door mat.

But now that we are living together and getting married she has let me know that my seasonal job I have held for the last 20 years is not good enough and now I am highly stressed about trying to find another line of work while dealing with my disability. She is right, I do need a steady check that I can count on, but finding that check is proving to be nearly impossible. Which is only making things even more stressful.

Sorry to babble on, but I have few I can talk to about this and no one I know has had a stroke so they can't ever understand. Thanks for listening. Bet it didn't take you the 2 hours to read that it took me to write it.

 
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Old 02-01-2012, 07:49 PM   #2
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Re: Had a stroke, trying to recover

Welcom CVC We are glad you found us. I am so sorry you had the stroke. It is amazing how some people wont believe you had one. I had people that said the same to me. You feel like you have to have your cat scan results in your wallet so you can pull them out and prove it. It makes me mad when that happens. Its not bad enough we had one but now I have to prove it to you. OH Boy!!
You had the stroke in May this is February so you are 8 months in stroke recovery. It sounds like your doing really well and dont think the improving is over because its not. I am 19 months in stroke recovery and still improving. I am so sorry your reason for delaying medical advice was due to medical coverage. That is a harsh reality but I am glad you did see a doctor and are working to get your B/P under control. That my friend is very very important.
Your stroke caused your brain to take a hit and because of that you are experiencing some difficulties. I can relate to the dropping things and making mistakes. Dont ever appologize for that because it is a symptom of the stroke and we hope it gets better.
You did real well typing the post. I know it took you a long time but its important to come and talk to us. Rant all you like. Ask for advice. Everyone here understands so well what you are going through. We are all in stroke recovery. I had a stroke June 2010. It left me with drop foot, weak right side, periferal vision problems, I cant drive, I can't do math, I get confused easily, cant tolerate noise or confusion or too many people in a room talking. I have headaches the stroke left me in mirgrane but they are getting better. I have a hand tremor that increases when I am out or I have company. I cant work because my job required math skills and multitasking which I can no longer do. My stroke caused me to hit a wall and my whole life changed. 19 months later I can honestly tell you it changed for the better and my life is better now. I am much better at living than I use to be.
Sometimes getting stopped in our tracks allows us to re evaluate our life and make good changes.
After a stroke you will notice your tired and exahustion comes more easily. You might require more sleep and thats normal. Give it time and keep positive. Please let us know how your doing.
God Bless Mulchie

 
Old 02-02-2012, 07:24 AM   #3
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Re: Had a stroke, trying to recover

Hello and a big Welcome We will always talk with you because we have been there and DO understand. Tying shoes, writing and guitar are all major successes. I have almost no arm control but we are working on it- my stroke was Dec/10.
Two hours to post is huge. That determination will take you far in your recovery although it may seem to slow or stop at times. Just hang in there and over time you will continue to progress.
As for the job I have no suggestions except to choose one not too physically hard for you.
In the meantime, keep talking with us,
Blessings
Nancy

 
Old 02-03-2012, 12:00 AM   #4
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Re: Had a stroke, trying to recover

What a great post! We have all been where you are, and completely understand your overwhelming frustrations. We are here for you, as Muchie said rant and rave, tell us you problems, ask us questions, but whatever you do, keep typing!

Typing is the one single best therapy I ever had. I remember the hour long paragraphs, the words that came out looking like eye charts. Just type! It is so helpful on so many levels...it helps you organize your thoughts and put them into words and the act of retraining your fingers to transfer the thoughts into words is a huge mental accomplishment. You will see progress the more you type, and the proof is right in front of you. When some developments are very long and slow to appear, the typing is obvious, and very fulfilling. You will get feedback from others that is so helpful. Your thoughts will be heard by others, that totally understand you. If you make some typos, just keep going, we will figure it out.

If I were you, I would consider taking some more time before leaping into another career, YOu are in a very delicate state, and will be for some time. It is best for you not to put yourself into such a stressful and demanding situation until you are father along in your recovery, The fact that it is so stressful right now, is proof that you are not ready. Stroke is a huge brain trauma, and while your brain is trying to repair itself, loading it down with anything will only interfere with your recovery. Eight months is a very short time in stroke recovery. While the brain is trying to repair itself, it shuts down some of the non essential things, and that is why you have deficits in the areas you mention. I would encourage you to learn all you can about stroke recovery before embarking on a huge transition in your life. This is a time for calm and rest. I know that might interfere with plans you have made with your fiance, but your health has to come first. You really need to protect yourself from the higher chances of another stroke, one that might not leave you as well as you are now.

The blood pressure in another area that will require you to really take a step back and learn how to cut off the stress in your life. That is one of the area I really had to work on, and it led me to the person I am now...which is very low key with very little external stress. It takes time to train your mind to refuse to be affected by everyday stress and people and events that lead to stress.

I am sure I have said enough for now. I too, applaud your tenacity when working so long and hard to create your post. That will take you far. You have so much on your plate, but you can do this, and find the peace on the other side. We are so happy you found this place, as we love to offer our experiences to others who have survived strokes, and survival is the key word. You have already faced a huge trauma and have lived to tell about it. From here, life will only get better, with a lot of bumps and turns in the road, but with patience and a positive attitude, you will find the other side to be a wonderful place.

Janet

 
Old 02-13-2012, 07:04 AM   #5
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Re: Had a stroke, trying to recover

I am really sorry to hear you had a stroke. It is terrible to go through life and then something happen at the blink of an eye and have to relearn everything that you have already learned years prior. I am really glad you are starting to recover also.

I don't understand though how you can blame your last stroke on your ex girlfriend when you are still having VERY high blood pressure and almost had another stroke. This time you are even with a woman that you say "loves" you. You got rid of what you say was the reason of the last stroke so that you would live and lessen the stress, but it hasn't done anything for you. Honestly, you need to face the fact that she wasn't the problem at all. Don't know what the problem was/is, but you really do need to find out what it is and get it fixed before you do have another stroke. The next one you may not be so lucky.

You say this new girl is making you stop your favorite pass time, how long have you done this pass time? Were you doing it when you met and did she accept it then? She is also telling you that your career that you have had for over 20 years is not good enough for her. I do assume you were doing it when you met also and it was good enough then. It seems that she is putting you under a lot of unnecessary stress. Everything was cool when you first started dating and now that you are planning on getting married soon it is as if she is trying to change you out of doing things that you have done all your life which is honestly going to make you miserable and then that will be even more stress on you that could cause another stroke that may even end your life.

Man, you really need to think about this stuff if you really want to live. You need to worry about yourself and your recovery not about a new career and getting married with all this stress.

I hope you continue to recover and do hope that things don't cause you to have another unnecessary stroke. Take care man.

 
Old 02-13-2012, 08:57 AM   #6
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Re: Had a stroke, trying to recover

We talked about the career and passtime thing. We worked it out. I merely felt pressured to do those things and she made it clear that I do not have to change anything. She loves me for me and that is all there is to it.

The blood pressure is under control. Last check it was 129 over 79. She got me the meds I need and the doctor's care I needed. The stress is gone and things are better. I was putting myself under stress trying to do something that she didn't feel was that important and I had misunderstood the situation.

And I can absolutely blame my ex for the stroke. I was on a healthy diet when I met her. I had it under control. I had quit caffeine and was eating good food. Her evil kids would not allow me to have drinks without caffeine. They would drink them before I could even get a chance. They would not allow me to select healthy foods for the house and put me in a position where the only food I had was the worst possible kind for a heart condition. They are all fat and too dumb to understand that what they eat is what causes it. Cheap food full of bad things tastes good. It also kills you. I could not escape it. Her lummox oldest son absolutely refused to allow us to even shop in peace and demanded the worst kinds of food. Considering he's over 300 pounds and kinda short he should never be allowed to shop for food. Yet his person was there even when we tried to prevent it. I admit, I did not fight hard enough to continue eating healthy. But I should not have had to. But I was stuck in a house full of fat people with zero knowledge of healthy eating habits and even less desire to learn them.

Then there was the constant strain of trying to please a woman who cannot be happy. One who has no clue how to please a man. One who would sabotage the relationship at every turn. If there was a right way and a wrong way, she would always choose the wrong way. I spent so much time and energy trying to change myself so I would be accepted by her kids and family that I was losing who I was in the process. It was hell and she put me through it.

No, she is responsible for my stroke. And the high blood pressure that came with it. It was high before I met her, but she did nothing but made it worse. And the effects of her carelessness linger on. I have to relearn how to eat right. I have to live healthy and try twice as hard because she messed me up and made me forget. I gained 20 pounds with her and it is much easier to gain than lose. I blame her and always will. Her whole family are going to die from heart attacks and it is on them for eating that filth they call food.

Yes I still have high blood pressure and always will. I have to eat right, exercise, take my meds and be free from stress. When I don't do that bad things happen to me. She did not allow me to do any of that. The new woman, my very soon to be wife, makes certain that do all those things. She loves me and wants me to live. And she is willing to do more than nag me about it.

 
Old 02-14-2012, 06:04 PM   #7
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Re: Had a stroke, trying to recover

i unstand what your saying my husband for 10 years thought porn and online affairs were ok. my blood pressure was through the roof. the night before my stroke i begged him to stop i was sleeping in the spare bedroom and thinking about leaving him. he told me that night he was happy with what he had on line and of course he was drunk and stoned. he said he wanted me to move out. this was a new job i was working at the time waiting for my first check to pay my car insurance before it was cancled. night cleaning at a huge spa. the stress was unbearable. but when i stroked he was scared so bad he cleaned up his act and has helped as much as he can. god bless

 
Old 02-15-2012, 02:10 AM   #8
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Re: Had a stroke, trying to recover

CvC,

What is most important is that you have put yourself in a way better situation than you were, and have learned what is really important for you to stay happy and healthy.They really do go hand in hand. It is so unfortunate that so many couples live such stressful and unhappy lives that their health becomes in danger, and their happiness is lost. It seems if you have left those times in the past, and are moving on in the right direction.

I too, agree that it is too early to embark on a new job until you are very stable in your life, Since you spent the first 8 months unaware that you had even had a stroke, your medical supervision was not there, and some catching up needs to be done. Thankfully, you have found that proper medications to help with your blood pressure, thought more carefully about your diet and removed the major stress triggers from your life. Being consistent and keeping your body in line is very important. By keeping your focus on your health and happiness, you will have the most to offer everyone, especially yourself.

I hope you can drop the ill feelings about your previous relationship, because even that kind of negativity is important to clear your mind of. Just let all the past go and your new life will be happy and clear of any negative baggage. Without knowing the really bad, we could never experience the really good!

Anyway, I hope you continue to post, and let us know about all the great progress you are making, or anything else you would like to chat about,.

Janet

 
Old 02-29-2012, 10:45 PM   #9
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Re: Had a stroke, trying to recover

Quote:
Originally Posted by -CvC- View Post
We talked about the career and passtime thing. We worked it out. I merely felt pressured to do those things and she made it clear that I do not have to change anything. She loves me for me and that is all there is to it.

The blood pressure is under control. Last check it was 129 over 79. She got me the meds I need and the doctor's care I needed. The stress is gone and things are better. I was putting myself under stress trying to do something that she didn't feel was that important and I had misunderstood the situation.

And I can absolutely blame my ex for the stroke. I was on a healthy diet when I met her. I had it under control. I had quit caffeine and was eating good food. Her evil kids would not allow me to have drinks without caffeine. They would drink them before I could even get a chance. They would not allow me to select healthy foods for the house and put me in a position where the only food I had was the worst possible kind for a heart condition. They are all fat and too dumb to understand that what they eat is what causes it. Cheap food full of bad things tastes good. It also kills you. I could not escape it. Her lummox oldest son absolutely refused to allow us to even shop in peace and demanded the worst kinds of food. Considering he's over 300 pounds and kinda short he should never be allowed to shop for food. Yet his person was there even when we tried to prevent it. I admit, I did not fight hard enough to continue eating healthy. But I should not have had to. But I was stuck in a house full of fat people with zero knowledge of healthy eating habits and even less desire to learn them.

Then there was the constant strain of trying to please a woman who cannot be happy. One who has no clue how to please a man. One who would sabotage the relationship at every turn. If there was a right way and a wrong way, she would always choose the wrong way. I spent so much time and energy trying to change myself so I would be accepted by her kids and family that I was losing who I was in the process. It was hell and she put me through it.

No, she is responsible for my stroke. And the high blood pressure that came with it. It was high before I met her, but she did nothing but made it worse. And the effects of her carelessness linger on. I have to relearn how to eat right. I have to live healthy and try twice as hard because she messed me up and made me forget. I gained 20 pounds with her and it is much easier to gain than lose. I blame her and always will. Her whole family are going to die from heart attacks and it is on them for eating that filth they call food.

Yes I still have high blood pressure and always will. I have to eat right, exercise, take my meds and be free from stress. When I don't do that bad things happen to me. She did not allow me to do any of that. The new woman, my very soon to be wife, makes certain that do all those things. She loves me and wants me to live. And she is willing to do more than nag me about it.

I am sorry, but you contradict yourself in several places in this post. It seems that you are angry with your ex for some other reason that you aren't admitting and want to blame her for everything bad happening in your life.

You had high blood pressure before you met her, right? Were you taking medication then? You have high blood pressure still, right? You have been dating your girlfriend now for how long? Just now getting onto medication? I do NOT see how you can blame any of this on your ex.

You said that your fiance let you know that your seasonal job that you had held for over 20 years was just not good enough, but then you came back and said that it was a misunderstanding. I don't think your relationship with your fiance is as peachy as you want us all to believe.

I do hope you get your strength back in all the ways you have lost from your stroke, but you really need to think about these things and let go of the negativity of everyone including your ex.

 
Old 03-01-2012, 06:38 AM   #10
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Re: Had a stroke, trying to recover

Yes I have had high bp for years. But it was not so high that my vessels burst. It peaked due to lack of eating right, too much caffeine, and stress. The stress was caused by a woman who felt that betraying me was her best option. She is the cause of the stress. I am not going to go into all the crap she put me through. This is not a relationship forum. I know what caused it.

It peaked again because I still was not eating right , had way too much caffeine in me, and was getting stressed over my employment. My soon to be wife saw that I was ill and forced me to the doctor and I got treatment. We talked about the employment and I learned the stress was from me. I misunderstood what she had said and was putting myself through stress trying to fix something she didn't think was broken. So now I am eating right, no caffeine, taking my meds and no stress. My bp is normal now.

And today starts the 30 day countdown to my wedding. We have absolutely everything we need and the details have been taken care of. I admit there is a small amount of stress involved in the wedding. But it is a happy stress. We have the reservations made for our honeymoon and the money set aside for a week at the beach. We rented the most beautiful church, found a good preacher to marry us, got the rings, the decorations, the catering, everything. In two weeks we get the license, which she already has the time off for. I am extremely excited about this and beyond happy.

I have been playing Rocksmith nearly every day and continue to improve. Still can't type very well. But everything else is working good again. Still have the weird numbness on my body, but it's getting less noticeable.

I did not contradict myself. All the fiance has done as far as stress is less than the stress my ex gave me in one hour. She was a master at mind games and did nothing but mess with my head and make me feel like I was worthless. I am convinced she was a real actual succubus from the pit. Meant to suck the life force from me and make me miserable. The time I spent with her was the worst period in my life and I regret ever meeting her. I would have been much better off if she had never met me or contacted me. I never deserved to be treated like that. No one does. I feel sorry for the next guy. He probably doesn't deserve the hell he will endure either. The woman is a mess, mentally unstable, mean, backwards and in many ways borderline retarded. Her mental illnesses hurt me more than words can say. I am glad I am rid of her. And oh so happy that I found a woman who knows what love is and how to show it.

 
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