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Partner had stroke

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Old 04-23-2012, 08:34 AM   #1
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Post Partner had stroke

Hi my 1st time on here so please bear with me, My partner who is 66 had a stroke a couple of weeks ago, after almost being sent home the hospital realized that he wasn't quite right, so they kept him in. they did a ct scan which showed that he had had a stroke 2 weeks previously, so in a matter of 2 weeks he had 3 strokes.

The dr's said it was an infract, a bloodclot on the right side, which left his face all droopy on left side, his left arm was paralized, his legs other than very wobbly were ok.

He was very confused, his speech slurred and he drifted in and out of sleep for two days.

He's a very stubborn man to say the least and I believe this helped him no end in getting himself up and about quickly.
Within 3 days his arm was moving freely although he still has a little trouble when holding anything in it for more than a minute.

He was up and walking with a zimmer frame within 5 days.
It took him 10 days in all to get himself to the stage that he could come home, something he fought tooth and nail for.

He's been home 11 days and it has been 21 days since the stroke.
He's doing really well, he gets up and down the stairs fine, he walks up and down the garden path fine.

He is however getting impatient with himself, he doesn't seem to understand
that it's going to take more than 3 weeks to recover.

He still gets confused, an eg, I had to go out to the shops today, before I left I kissed him, told him to stay put on the sofa and I would be back soon, explaining why I had to go out.
When I got back home he asked me why I didn't tell him I was going out.
He also didn't remember having his lunch, he asked me when were we going to have lunch.

He seems to be fine one minute, but the next he's having trouble remembering something or getting his mind around a simple thing.
eg: he tried to get into the bath by himself to get a shower, I explained to him that I had to be with him while he got in the bath at least, his answer was "I did it in the hospital by myself," I explained to him that the shower in the hospital was a walk in shower room. even while stood right in front of the bath he couldn't grasp that walking into a room and climbing into a bath was different.

I'm very nervous about leaving him in the house while I go to the shops, in case he gets confused and goes off somewhere.

I'm trying to explain this but while I read it back it seems like it should be quite easy to deal with, but I feel like I'm not doing very well.

My man is a lovely person, has a very dry sense of humour, but he seems to have lost his sparkle, even his gp said that, his brightness has gone.

I have hydrocephilis and am finding it very hard to keep up with all the running about and constant questions over and over.
It's not his fault at all and I am doing my best to keep going, and let it show how tired I am. He's already said a few times he knows how difficult it is for me, bless him. I know he's been down about it too.

I have no idea why I'm here just he asked me to come on, to help me understand him.

Thanks for listening so to speak

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Old 04-24-2012, 04:19 AM   #2
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Re: Partner had stroke

Gíday Vonbon1,
Welcome, I hope you are as well as can be. Sound like your partner is doing well for the short time heís been in recovery. No one really knows how long or if youíll make a full recovery.
I had a clot in the brain stem, in March 2010, they told my wife ďif he lives heíll never walkĒ, well two years and a lot of heart ache, Iím walking, driving, and got a job although Iím nowhere near 100% Iím grateful for my recovery so far.
Itís good that heís stubborn, sounds like heís fighter, and thatís a good way to be. All the symptoms you mentioned are common in stroke patients. Strokes are very frighting, in a instant your world is turned upside down and inside out, you are left confused and disoriented. What you considered normal has gone out the window and you are left with this new you, you donít even know.
Find a good therapy team and get into regular therapy, and stick to the routine. All recovery takes time, remember slow and steady. There will be times you take one step forward the two steps back, but donít be discouraged.
Every stroke is different from the other, not one stroke is the same as the other. You canít play the comparison game.
I have trouble controlling my emotions, crying one minute then laughing the next. Control of my emotions has not improved but Iím sure it will, give it time. It takes time and courage to fight on, never lose hope.
Hope to hear from you soon with some goods news. Please keep in touch. God bless.


Last edited by goingtorun; 04-24-2012 at 04:22 AM.

Old 04-25-2012, 07:12 AM   #3
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Talking Re: Partner had stroke

Hi George, I'm so pleased to hear that you're recovering well, I know what you mean about emotional lol. Davy has his moments, yesterday he told me that I've started a row with him everyday since he came home, and that I think he's stupid, so not true. but try explaining is no good, I just find myself saying ok if you think so. lol
He gets confused a lot but that's to be expected.
He's going for physio on monday, and we're waiting to hear from the ot. The stroke nurse hasn't been near yet and is unlikely to come for another 2/3 weeks we are told.

The hospital told us she would come to the house before he came home to make sure the house was safe for him and that she would see him in the hospital but neither happened.

Got a phone call this morning from physio asking if he can get to hospital on his own. I told her in no uncertain terms that he can not.

It's only 3 weeks since he had stroke, and although he is doing really well he's still not fit to go to them.

Well just had a surprise visit from the ot's assistant, she say he's doing really well, and is going to get him a rail put in the bath and a seat.
she said they not happy because he should have had ot, physio and stroke nurse out to see him the day after he came home.
But at least something is happening now.

It's great that you are doing so well, and working too you must be quite young?
Thanks George feel a wee bit better about things now. god bless take care xx

Old 04-25-2012, 07:06 PM   #4
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Re: Partner had stroke

Hello and welcome
I am so glad you came here. Its a great place to find answers and information. It is also a good place to rant. We are good listeners. We are a family of stroke surviors and caregivers. We are glad you joined our little group.
I am so sorry to hear about your husband and I know being a caregiver is very difficult too. I would listen to george He gives some great advice.
I had my stroke almost 2 years ago and I have steadily improved. My stroke left me with migranes, sensativity to light and noise, weak right side hip pain, drop foot, hand tremor. My balance was bad always going to my right. Felt like I was going to fall over. I lost my math skills and my memory was poor and thinking process was impaired. No more multitasking either. Also my periferal vision in my right eye was effected. I lost my job and I cant drive ( not yet, still trying )
Now after 2 years I have no migranes, no sensativity to light, my drop foot is much better. I went from a wheel chair to walker to cane and now I go most places with out my cane. My memory is better, my balance is good, my vision is better, I am amazed at how far I have come. I can do a mile on the treadmil.
Remember when you have a stroke your brain is swollen. It takes time for the swelling to go down. Tell your husband to have patience. Easier said then done. It is a slow and steady process but it is a journey where you must keep stepping forward and must never give up.
I used a white board on my fridge to post messages and important appointments. Maybe one would be good and you could leave a message when you go to the shops. I also have a large calender to remember and keep straight what day it is. Taking medication was a problem for me. I almost double dosed several times not remembering I had already taken it.
You most defently need some help with safety in the home. There are lots of aids that help with shower and baths to make it easy and you not worry. I read about a man who put a chair in the shower so he could sit down while showering. Im not sure how safe this is but its got to be better than just standing there if your balance is bad. I know these stores where you can rent wheel chairs they also have aids for tubs and showers. They have railings for the tub and a bench to put in the tub for the shower.
Tell him rest is healing so make sure he sleeps when he needs to .
He is so early in recovery and doing so well. You make sure your getting your rest and taking care. Having a stroke is like hitting a wall it chances our life forever and it also changes our partners and families lives. But he will improve and continue to improve. How much we dont know but he is already showing very encouraging recovery. Good Luck and keep posting to let us know how your doing.
God Bless Mulchie

Old 04-29-2012, 02:08 PM   #5
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Re: Partner had stroke

Hi Mulchie. Thanks, My man's doing great just now, he's had a couple of walks to the local shops with me. Yesterday I had a bag wieghed about 20lbs, he decided he wanted to go to another shop that was closed he just wanted to look in the window. I told him it was a fair walk and that I had a heavy bag of shopping, he said I'll be fine, so off we went to the next shop, on the way back he now thinks he's over done it a little. We get home he asks me to give him the bag of shopping, so handing it to him he nearly drops it n goes off his head as it is so heavy and why didn't I tell him I had a bag with me. no amount of telling him I did helped, I was just stupid for not telling him

I'm finding the confusion harder to deal with than the rest of it put together. I'm so tired all the time and do my best to do all I can for him. but the confusion is confusing me too lol

On a more positive note I'm amazed at how well he's doing physically.
he works very hard to keep active, even had a wee shot at mowing the lawn (under supervision) today, he did just a little to help him feel useful, I took over and did the rest.

Thanks for listening to the ramblings of a mad woman lol Hugs V xx

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Old 04-30-2012, 03:42 AM   #6
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Re: Partner had stroke

G’day Vonbon1,
Hope you and your fella are well. Confusion? Mad? Angry? Etc, etc, etc. Mate’,your no more crazy, mad or insane than most of us out there in stroke survivor world. You are going through a really rough time looking after your man. The frustration you are feeling at the moment would drive anyone around the bend, but this will pass. Day by Day your man is getting better, you or may not notice the little improvements that are happening.
With me it took about 3 to 4 months for my memory to start coming back, after 50 months it’s still improving, ever is slowly. I think once he gets in to a routine with all his rehab, all activity will stimulate his memory. It’s good that he’s so active. He must have been fit before the stroke. Try to take each day as it comes, and remember ONE thing you must rest and look after YOUR wellbeing first and for most. If you fall apart, who’s going to look after your mate?
Two years ago when I suffered a clot in the brain stem, I was 54 year old and as fit as you could be. The therapists attribute my recovery to the shape I was in at the time. Since then I’ve grained heaps of weight, I find very hard to keep to a routine these days, but I’m a work in progress. So I tell anyone that wants to listen, get in shape in case you fall ill.
All the very best, and God bless. Keep in touch.

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Old 05-01-2012, 03:56 PM   #7
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Re: Partner had stroke

Hya George. It's great that you're doing so well. I agree that being fit before the stroke is a big help in recovery.

Mr man keeps telling me same thing george, look after myself otherwise I won't be able to look after him. I am doing I get a wee rest whenever I can, I try to get my chores done while he's sleeping though so I'm free when he wakes.

He's a wee bit down today bless him, he decided he wanted to get his eyes checked at opticians, I tried to tell him that it was to soon but he just thought I was against him and got upset, I tried to explain to him that he shouldn't expect too much yet again I was against him, so off we went today to the opticians, a good pal drove us the 27 miles, and 2 hours in the opticians later he gets told it was to soon and there is to much damage to his periferal vision for him to drive.

After analyzing everything that happened, he decided that the field vision test is null and void because the optician should have told him before not after the test.

He gets confused, depressed and aggitated the worst for me is seeing him in these states, he's a very intelligent man and to see him not be able to think something quite simple out as he would have before breaks my heart.

I just have to keep reasurring him that it will get better in time.
Yes it's hard going but it's worth every second to get my babe back to his self again or as near to it as possible.

Take care my friend, keep up the good work. you're doing so well.
big hugs and bless you xxx


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Old 05-01-2012, 11:22 PM   #8
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Re: Partner had stroke

Hello Vonbon, and another welcome to our family of stroke survivors and the ones they love.

We are so happy you have found us, this is a wonderful place for all of us. I have made bonds of friendship over the years I have been here that are lasting and long term. There can be such a bond that develops between people facing such a huge life changing event, that are very hard for many people to understand without going through it themselves. I hope you find this place to be a very special one, as many of us have. There is no question of feeling that you cannot express that we wont understand. Whether you need some support or to blow off some steam, anything goes.

Everything you mention that you are going through with your man sounds perfectly normal for the early stages of recovery. I encourage you to start this minute at taking care of yourself first. Your position is very demanding, and will quickly take a toll on you before you know it. Caretakers have the highest risk of developing their own health issues, particularly if you have pee-existing health concerns, as you do. I encourage yo to make yourself a schedule that includes plenty of "me" time, even if that means taking a 15-20 minute break 6-8 times a day. This is terribly important and you can explain it to your man, and make up some kind of reminder if he tries to interrupt you during your time. You could set a timer that you leave with him to remind him that you are "off" until it rings, to remind him not to call out for you. When he rests, try and rest yourself, even if it just means closing your eyes, and putting your feet up. Once you become exhausted, it can be very difficult to regain your strength again. Another suggestion is to remain hydrated my drinking plenty of water throughout the day.

An example of what can happened would be what happened to my own dear mother. This is not to scare you, but rather to share how very important it is not to ignore this point. She had been taking care of my father as his health issues rose and his care became much more tiring for her. She ended up becoming dehydrated and exhausted, which caused her to collapse, hit her head and break her neck. Complications from that broken neck ended her life 23 days later. My father followed her exactly 30 days later. This all happened just 6 months ago.

But, I am honestly here to encourage you, not to be morbid. This will take lots of time and patience, so to find a balance for both of you is very important from the start. if you can create a schedule to work from, all the better, Of course, no one can follow a schedule exactly is impossible, but being close is helpful for both of you.

You mention how the confusion is enough to wear you out sometimes, and I understand that clearly. Many times it is not worth it to fully explain every single detail point by point. Just listening is often enough to satisfy him, and to save you the mental drain of re-explaining over and over.

We are all here behind you all the way. Don't ever be reluctant to share your frustration of any other feeling that comes up. Much better to get it off your chest and clear your mind of it. That is what we are here for.

You can only do so much and I encourage you to take a deep breath, sit back and close your eyes. This is a long haul, but you will have moments of wonder and love throughout the entire process. Try to cherish and appreciate every littl thing you can. That is where the relief comes from...little things in life that we often overlook, too busy to check out before.

I have four strokes when I was 43 years old, while snorkeling in the ocean near my house. In a moment my life was forever changed. It took me years to re-learn how to walk, talk, eat, drink, think, speak, write and all the rest of it. I did most of it right here on this board. With the support and encouragement of other here, I slowly came back to life. In those days it would often take me an hour to write a paragraph full of typos, and mistakes, but somehow everyone understood what wi was trying to say, and they wrote back. As someone who have always loved to write, draw, paint and other creative pursuits, I was suddenly silenced and unable to communicate at all. It was the scariest time of my life. But with all the determination in the world and a small but dedicated group here to listen and encourage me, I made it back. That is the reason I still come back and try to pay some of that back to another person in need. You just never know who is out there waiting for someone to listen and respond.For me it is worth every bit of effort i have inside.

Perhaps your man might want to post a bit of his own. Assure him that there is no need to write well right now, or create a work of art doing so...What counts is that he get the chance to express his feelings and connect with others who understand. We are fine just this was too.
Sorry if I went on and on, sometimes I get started and keep going until I have no more thoughts left.

Look forward to getting to know you more as your story unfolds, and until that day you feel your best and do your best. Life is a wonderful thing. Your man is lucky to have such a caring and loving woman at his side during this difficult time in your lives.

until next time,

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