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-   -   She aint heavy Shes my mom-Support Groups out there? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/stroke/900703-she-aint-heavy-shes-my-mom-support-groups-out-there.html)

matt2911 05-13-2012 10:19 AM

She aint heavy Shes my mom-Support Groups out there?
 
Hi all I am writing about my mother's experience with stroke and heart problems and what I am going through as well.
Briefly, we lost our Dad recently, and Mom was taking it very badly. We all were depressed and Mom was taking antidepressants at the time (Paxil). She may have gone off meds and fell in the back yard - or had a TIA again? Ended up in Urgent care with me. Then 4-5 hours later she had a major stroke in the car, next to me, we rushed back to hospital ASAP. No ambulance just went back and was directed to hospital emergency room. We were told she had a stroke and they were trying to stop the bleeding. Numerous tests and much time in the hospital - we were told that nothing could be done, except let the body heal. There was no option for surgury or anything else offered. When Mom was in the hospital she could not look to the left at all (totally looking to the right and left sided paralasis(left arm, leg and side of face).

Mom was transfered to a rehab facility for about a 6-8 months. She gradually recovered but not completely. Some memory was lost so she had to be reminded constantly and some short term memory problems as well.

Later she was transfered to home with a caretaker for 12 hours a day and me for the rest. I take care of mom on the weekends too 24 hours. briefly I am wondering why I am taking the majority of the burden, while two brothers do lesser for her. This gets me upset at times, but then I think they will not enjoy her while she is here.

I do have a problems with all my free time is taken up by her and wonder if there are any support groups out there? I wonder how I will find anyone to take care of mom for small breaks for me. Family does help but it s not enough.

Recently my left arm is painful to move around so I am doing less and taking Motrin or Ibuprophin 600 MG.

I see others are having similar problems as well I guess this is life. At times I want my mom to be normal again, but then I realise it will not happen. I guess I just have to accept all that has happened on my watch. Oh and by the way one brother tried to blame me for my moms problems, do you believe it? Some people are so dumb.
Anyway sorry for rambling on about this problem but it helps to get it out and talk about it. Thanks for letting me ramble.
Matt

writeleft 05-15-2012 01:21 AM

Re: She aint heavy Shes my mom-Support Groups out there?
 
Hello Matt, and welcome to our family of stroke survivors and those who love them. You certainly belong here with us, and we are so happy to have you.

As far as your question about support groups, there are groups available in most cities. I would suggest you contact the National Stroke Association, or the National Stroke Society for referrals to groups in your area.

On this site, we also offer support and encouragement for all family members of stroke survivors like yourself. The majority of our group are stroke survivors themselves, as well as other caretakers.

We also have a caregivers support board on the HealthBoards. To find that board, just go up to the top blue stripe, and click on "Find a Board". A list of all the boards will pop up and you can then click on the caregivers board if you with to check in there as well.

Being a caregiver is a very difficult job for anyone, and unless a person has done it, they do not have any idea of the demands it can put on a person, I fully agree that you need more time to yourself. It is very unfortunate that your family members have not come forth to help you. Perhaps you could provide them with a schedule that allows you the time you need to take for yourself. It is amazing how a few hours here and there can rejuvenate you, whereas without it, you can become at your wits end in a hurry.

I just lost both of my parents only 30 days apart, and I was left to care for both of then at the end, so I understand exactly what you are going through. My siser was no where to be found when I needed her either. I was lucky that my parents had wonderful friend in their neighborhood that were willing to come in for a few hours at a time to give me some time off, Perhaps you could consider that as well,

In closing, please feel free to post here anytime you like. You can use this forum any way you need to, whether it is to vent your frustrations, ask for advice or make suggestions for others, it is all yours to do with what ever you need it for,

I think you will find everyone here very nice and very understanding, All we want to do is help others go through something we have all been through ourselves. None of us ever had a similar place as this one, which is why so many of us come back for years to come. we have members here in all stages of recovery and of family members in recovery,

We are very happy you have found this very special place, and look forward to getting to know you and helping in any way we can.

Janet

Mulchie 05-18-2012 05:37 PM

Re: She aint heavy Shes my mom-Support Groups out there?
 
Hello Matt
God Bless ya for taking such good care of your mom. My heart goes out to you.
You defenetly need some help to relieve you and give you a little freedom. Being a care giver is not an easy job and one that can take its toll on a person.
When you mentioned your brothers are no help and they tried to blame you. Im so sorry for that. Blaming someone for a problem we should be helping with, makes the guilt a little less for that person. Its just not right and you and your mom deserve better.
I dont know of any support groups. Please research everything on the net and see whats available to you. Are their any neighbours or friends of you mom who would be willing to help out for an hour or two.
This stroke board is a great support group and Im glad you found us. dont apologize for rambling that is what we are here for. We are great listeners, we have big shoulders and we are all stroke survivors so we may have some helpful hints also. Please continue to post and let us know how your doing.
God Bless Mulchie

matt2911 05-31-2012 12:49 AM

Re: She aint heavy Shes my mom-Support Groups out there?
 
[QUOTE=Mulchie;4982517]Hello Matt
God Bless ya for taking such good care of your mom. My heart goes out to you.
You defenetly need some help to relieve you and give you a little freedom. Being a care giver is not an easy job and one that can take its toll on a person.
When you mentioned your brothers are no help and they tried to blame you. Im so sorry for that. Blaming someone for a problem we should be helping with, makes the guilt a little less for that person. Its just not right and you and your mom deserve better.
I dont know of any support groups. Please research everything on the net and see whats available to you. Are their any neighbours or friends of you mom who would be willing to help out for an hour or two.
This stroke board is a great support group and Im glad you found us. dont apologize for rambling that is what we are here for. We are great listeners, we have big shoulders and we are all stroke survivors so we may have some helpful hints also. Please continue to post and let us know how your doing.
God Bless Mulchie[/QUOTE]
There maybe some friends of my mom but I feel like not asking for some reason. Guess I thought there would be some groups that will help out, like in hospice care(that I heard of from some customers at work.) And yes I will continue to search for help.

Right now I have worries that one brother the POA is planning to go for conservatorship. He is the business owner who pays moms bills, so there are people helping and so on. But sometimes the worries of someone doing the conservator are consuming my thoughts way too much and they are usually false. Most times I challenge the thoughts and other times I just say whatever you win worry have it your way, I dont care. I guess I get this from my days of anxiety that are coming back???
I have confirm that the POA just bought a property recently that I misinterpreted. I saw the lady with all the papers to sign and I said somethings up and started worrying. So now I dont have to worry too much about that subject. Matt


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