This is a great forum and I love all the loving supportive and HELPFUL answers to postings. I had a VERY mild stroke last June 21 - so coming up to my year (anniversary?) mark and still get VERY anxious over twinges and stiffness in my body. My stroke was a spontaneous tear in my carotoid artery. So, no real reason -- THAT is a big part, I think, to my anxiety. Did I cause this? I had been fairly healthy-- yoga, trying to eat right but the guilt of causing my amazingly supportive husband to have to handle my part of our business so soon after my joining him in our office felt overwhelming. I have since taken on another big part in our business and he has hired an assistant to help me! I was on antidepressants for a little while, but weaning off of them since I did not like how they made me feel. Wellbutrin made me shakey-- (a sometimes side effect) and others made me too "out of it" I try to meditate when I can but feel that I am "slipping" again into the crying jags of guilt and still not feeling like the "strong woman" I used to be.. (You know, the do-it-all with unlimited energy) or TRIED hard to be.. Anyway, I am glad for a place to vent a little.. there is really no place for MINOR stroke survivors to go without feeling more guilt that they had such a minor stroke and should just live Carpe Diem -- WHICH I Truly try to do! I only lost some peripheral vision in my right eye, (which I regained after night two in the hospital) but definitely some residual confusion (some letters I read backwards) and loss of VERY minor things.. (Singing was my fav thing and I recently have been able to sing more like my old self- Silly, I know.. but my husband is pleased!) It is really hard to NOT think about what caused my stroke -- so how to prevent another one?? I am the type of person to look up EVERYTHING I don't know on the internet "official-looking" sites to that symptom. Well, I have vented long enough.. Thanks to everyone on here for sharing their experiences and trying to help one another. God bless everyone and I pray for everyone's complete recovery!
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: Neen64
daughter 01 (06-08-2013),survival sue (07-15-2013)
I am new to this board also, and was relieved to find out I'm not the only one that feels guilty about life after stroke! I'm no doctor but I'm not sure how "minor" a stroke can be with your artery torn that supplies blood to your brain! I share your anxiety over having another stroke though. I believe we all do. Maybe it would help your mind if you got a yearly ultra sound to make sure things haven't changed? I get one every 6 months, because my left carotid artery plugged up and I had a stroke Apr. 15, 2012. What a life changer,huh?! I had convinced my husband to quit his job and move from Ca. or Or. because I had an opportunity to work,(I made more money). The whole idea was he could be in semi-retirement, (he's 62) and just take care of me!! He agreed and I came to Oregon before him. He got the whole house packed and moved and the very next weekend I had my stroke and he had to get a job, and he REALLY had to take care of me since I couldn't. So I think I understand the whole guilt thing! I still have crying jags and feel sorry for myself some days, and this is certainly the best place to vent! The people here understand what you're going through. It took me over a year to finally post to this board, and I wish I would have before. Your husband sounds like he is supportive and tries to be understanding, but sometimes you need to know you're not going crazy feeling ungrateful for everything you still have. I don't think it's silly to want to be able to sing. I used to sing to the radio all the time, (much to the dismay of everyone around me!!). Now I can't remember any of the words, no matter how many time I hear the songs...but at least I can understand the words now, and that's improvement. (... and should be grateful...blah, blah, blah..... ) Welcome to the boards, and don't like you're alone anymore, or wrong for what you're feelings!
My 4 strokes were ten years ago now. I like to assure you that all the feelings, concerns and anxiety you are experiencing are perfectly normal. In a lot of ways it is like waking up in a hospital bed as another person, one that can be very difficult to make peace with.
I encourage you to look down the road and be patient with yourself while you work your way along this road. Time has a great way of softening the blow.
As far as strokes go, none of them are minor in my opinion. The fear of another stroke is so strong, since you never could imagine you would ever have a stoke in the first place!
Reaching out here of this board is a lifesaver. It took me three years before I could write or even put the letters in the right order. I learned how to type here, with the support of the stroke survivors that have manned this board for so long. Knowing there are other people out there willing to share their experiences with, day or night, in your jammies or in your bed. I have found some wonderful friendships here, from those who understand this recovery process.
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Thanks so much for the kind words.. I really need to hear this from a fellow stroke victim. That is how I feel -- like a victim! But, I DO have really good days.. and crying jags.. that gets my husband upset -- I am so glad to see that it took some people a while to find an outlet for these blogs but we are finally here! I may see a therapist again too. My husband feels so very bad when I feel bad.. There is only so much he can say, he feels. He is supportive and tells me that he will always take care of me, but, like you say-- none of us felt that we would have the FIRST stroke. No real indication or warning to speak of. I guess because there was not definitive REASON for my stroke, I fear another one. No way to safeguard against it. Your suggestion about having a yearly MRI or MRA is a very good one! I may ask my DR if my insurance supports this procedure. I know that I feel it was a minor stroke and since I was SO lucky to have almost all of my aftereffects or twinges were not visible, I think that I should be back to normal. HA -- right. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I will try to be more active in life and take you advice - It is very nice to be able to just vent on this blog site.
Have a wonderful week and I am sorry that I did not see your reply to my post until today! Hope your recovery continues and you stay healthy! Fondly, Neen
Thanks so much for your encouraging words. I truly appreciate them! I am glad for a place to vent and find such kind supportive people that have gone through similar circumstances. My husband is an angel, but he cannot understand my crying jags and thinks I am unhappy with my life-- SO untrue! I cry because of guilt about not feeling better! If that makes sense.. and putting him through all the work -- taking me for tests, holding the business together.. working double duty with our local Lions club.. etc.
I have great days and .. not so great days. My Thyroid meds have been adj again yesterday, so that might be some of my symptoms of dragging your butt tiredness alleviated.
I am off to work this morning.. and feel that being busy is MY best defense against the worry and anxiety. I am planning on seeing a therapist again to take some load off my husbands shoulders.
I thank you again for all your assurances. I wish you continued better health and a wonderful week! your friend, Neen
I'm so happy to know that you founds some comfort here. Stroke leaves us in such a quandary. Many of us look exactly the same as we did before our strokes. but inside we are completely different.
I also understand the feelings that go with causing those we love to go an extra mile or two to make up for our new condition. My husband has been at it for a solid decade, and that feeling has never left me. Before we were married he would come by my house every morning at 4:30 am to take my vitals and give my my first meds, That went on for 3 or 4 years. We talked about it often, and eventually I accepted that he would do anything for me, just for being me. It shows the great qualities and respect you have for each other. If it were the other way, I would hope I would do the same for my husband.
Unfortunately, I have to break here for dinner, so I have to cut this short. I thank you for your kind words, Until next time...
Your husband sounds a lot like mine! An angel walking on earth.. Since I had my increase in meds (thyroid) I have been having some issues- I think that I will call my Dr and arrange an appt to go over my concerns and feelings regarding the year past after my stroke. I agree that being busy, being actively improving ones diet and regime, and trying to get some meditation and general relaxation techniques in place will help my mindset. My husband is so wonderfully supportive.. Telling me to rest, don't worry, just call me.. Sometimes I think I want him to just get mad and shake me "out of this" funk I get into to.. I am also making arrangements to see a therapist again since I don't like the way antidepressants make me feel and I am VERY sensitive to them. I still keep xanax and have taken a half of a half of one only on occasion in the hospital when my husband took me after my stroke on one of my panicky attacks. I think that even when I have a "virus" that causes me problems, I worry. What now? Then I read about all the people who have risen above so many disabilities and calamities and feel so very weak and ungrateful. I don't like to sit around feeling sorry for myself and useless. I have ALWAYS hated feeling sick. Even as a young girl my Mom (God rest her sweet soul) would have a hard time keeping me in bed when I was sick! I do feel that time softens the hardest edges of how I feel about my stroke. As a lot of people share on here, worrying never prevented one -- only preventing you from enjoying the NOW and good times! I try to live life like my wonderful husband and do the best I can TODAY -- try to do something enjoyable, something productive and something healthy. He is my true inspiration and my anchor. I can tell how you and your husband respect and support one another as well. Have a great week and I pray for your continued health and always improvements! Your Friend, Neen
Thanks Sheila.. I thank you for your words of support. I have been better for the most part but still get the crying jags when something "just doesn't feel right" weakness, or other physical feelings. Event a "virus" I think I had this past weekend had me nervous.. and I had to work out a few issues with some of our employees for an event in two different states so I had to stay up until late, up again at 3:30 and then finally had it resolved by 7:30. I used to have no problems with staying up all night... not a spring chicken any more! I do take my vit D3, multi and calcium but have not been eating right. I make oatmeal for me and my husband to try to get us on a healthier track than NOT eating at all-- lunch is grilled chicken or salad.. dinner is a mix of good and not as good - burgers, or veggies with garlic and rice. I have been cooking and doing more.. Working from home today, since I had a bad weekend.. But, as my Dr said to me.. Who DOES'NT have a bad day now and then" I have to be more patient with myself I suppose. Well, that is enough venting.. Thanks again and I hope that you have a wonderful week with your family! Prayers for continued good health and always improvement, right? Your friend, Neen
Has anyone here gone to a Neuro Therapist? I read somewhere that a cause for ones depression could be the stroke affecting that part of your brain -- I was thinking of asking my Neurologist to suggest one. I never asked for any kind of therapy but still feel weakness in my right side one year later. I did not have luck with any antidepressants and really feel that I need to talk to a therapist again. My poor husband is so very patient and always there to talk to, but with our business having some major issues, I feel that I cannot "be there" for him the way that I used to be -- especially if I try to vent my feelings to him alone! I am trying to work every day-- health issues like possible divitriculitis have been really getting me down.. severe pain in lower left intestines. I only hope that it is a possible easy thing to treat. Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and gets out to do something wonderful with their family! I sure intend/hope to! Wish me luck today at the Dr!
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Hi Neen, How did everything go at the Doc's appointment? You made a good point about stroke causing depression instead of being depressed about your stroke. I'd never been on any depression meds before my stroke, and now I'm wellbutron and celexa, and I still feel bad, but if I don't take these meds now, I'm even worse off. I'd like to hear what you found out if you don't mind sharing.