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Old 10-14-2003, 06:28 PM   #1
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Post My mom had a stroke last week, HELP

Last Sunday (10/5/03) my mom, who is 45 had a stroke. I am the oldest of three children (I am 23) I have a 19, 12, and 9 year old brother. The three of them were there when she had the stroke. She got out of the intensive care unit today and got extibated (off the respirator) on Thursday (10/9/13) She can write in her normal writing, and she can talk. She had the stroke in the right side of her brain and is paralyzed on the left side. They are not sure if she can swallow yet because her throat and mouth are so dry. She had the stroke from high blood pressure. It was a hemorragic stroke in the middle of the right side of the brain, so they can't do any thing to relieve the pressure. She is talking now, but isnt herself, she is rude to us and keeps trying to get up and leave. I am just curious if any one knows about this kind of stroke and if so how long does it take to get better. The doctor said we wont know how she will be until all the blood is dissapates into her brain, she has 5cc size clot that wont even start to dissapate for a few weeks from the stroke he said. This is very hard for me, I have a 3 year old son and they were so close. My brothers havent gone to the hospital yet to see her cause she keeps saying she doesnt want them to see her like this. She can remember alot, what the doctors say, that my brother had a soccer game in a few days, and that I need to call work and tell them she cant make it in to subsitute on thursday, but then she will just be rude and tell us how horrible the nurses are and how they come from the state penn, and then she yells at us to get her things, and she even told me to shut up and told me I was stupid the other day. The doctor said her personality should come back, that she is just delirious because of all the pressure. Anyways, I am just scared and want my mom back, she was my best friend and I called her everyday, it is so hard to not be able to talk to her. I just want to know what to excpect or what has happened to other people. Thanks

 
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Old 10-14-2003, 09:20 PM   #2
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Danielle241 I've been thru the same thing with my father. He suffered a massive stroke when the did the carotid artery dye test and it affected his right side. He would get in moods where his bad arm would shake uncontrolably. My father never recovered from his stroke and the constant mood swings lasted until he passed away.

After a week if the dr. doesn't tell you anything, I, personally would seek a 2nd opinion. They might have to wait to see if she gets stable, but until then think about another opinion. Its your right.

 
Old 10-14-2003, 09:27 PM   #3
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Oh Danielle,

How I can relate! My Mother had her 4th stroke on the 2nd of Oct. I've been there for all of her strokes. She will have mood swings, she will get mad, cry and have other emotional problems. I've been there and I'm going through it again. Just hang in there, deep down she don't mean it. She is scared just as you and your family are, she is confused as to what is going on with her body. Today my Mother told me that she was tired of living like that and that she was ready to die. That comment hit me right in the chest. You have to try and put yourself in their shoes, it's got to be hard on them. Your Mother will have her good days as well as bad days, you just have to deal with it the best way you can. Make sure your Mother gets Therapy, it's very important that she gets it as soon as possible. Stroke patents have a better chance at gaining back most of their speech, movement and strength etc. My Mother had it and it helped a lot till she had her 2nd stroke. The more strokes you have the more you loose. The Doctors said that she will not get anything back since she didn't have it before this last stroke. So yes, it's hard knowing that. We just have to deal with it the best way we can. I keep praying for a miracle, hopefully one day it comes true! I know you're scared Danielle, it's a scary thing, hopefully everything will get better and your Mother will be back to like she was. I hope I helped you some what. I will keep you and your Mother in my prayers. - XSEL




[This message has been edited by XSELR8T (edited 10-18-2003).]

 
Old 10-17-2003, 01:27 AM   #4
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Hi Danielle,

I am sorry to hear about your mom's stroke. They are so very hard to deal with.. I have had strokes on my right side of my brain because of a blood clotting disease and I am only 27.

It is common for your mom to be having these mood swings, as awful as they are to watch. In time they should improve, her brain has had an "attack" to it, it takes time to get everything back to the way it should be. I hope that she has great therapy and improves hon You take care, and I send you big, big hugs!

~Angelic

 
Old 10-19-2003, 11:46 AM   #5
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hiDanielle, pardon my lack of use of capital letters please? one finger on one hand typing, capitals are harder to do, or maybe i'm just lazy? as an almost 11 year stroke survivor myself,ave a fairly good insight as to your mom's condition. first of all i'm sorry to hear your mom has suffered a stroke, at such a young age, it's devistating for sure! my own stroke happened when i was 42, but mine is unlike any you'll most likely ever read or hear about. i was crushed while at work on a construction job, by aprox. 9000 pounds of hydrolic pressure after being pinned between a hydrolic man lift and a steel beam as i was backing the man lift under the beam my back hit the beam causing my body to be pushed forward against the control levers making the lift to try to go up. after fracturing one vertebra in my back as well as breaking my jaws in 5 places, pushing about 20 of my teeth out one at a time, the paramedics had to use the "jaws of life" to extricate me from the twisted metal. i remained conscious during the entire crushing, unable to move or do anything other than spit my teeth out onto the lift floor. i managed to stay conscious, up until after getting into the emergency room, was communicating with the team of doctors and nurses as they worked desperatly to save my life? the last clear thing i'm sure of hearing was the nurses giving my vitals, saying my heart rate was 280+ beats per minute. i was fighting them so hard they had to inject me with some,temporary paralyzing drug? in order to do what they needed to do. from my understanding this is about the time i finally went into shock, and lapsed into a coma lasting 9 days, each of those 9 days my wife was told most likely i'd die before the next morning, she was in texas when my accident happened on november 2nd. 1992 and all she knew when boarded the plane to come back to delaware, was i'd been hurt and broke my jaws, sometime during my coma, which by the way i could hear things going on around me. even could see as my left eye never closed. when i came to i told my doctors who had been to visit me and what some of them had been wearing, along with conversations they'd had with my wife and other family members. at some point during my coma they noticed my left side wasn't moving and i'd suffered a massive stroke. please remember that every stroke is different! my team of doctors still today cant tell me exactly what caused my stroke or the kind of stroke i had? only call it a "traumatic massive stroke" swallowing, yes i could swallow, barely! for a while. but, my brain couldn't destinguish between thick or thin liquids? thick i could handle, thin, would cause me to choke. had to have a thickening agent added to all my thin liquids, plus drink through a straw for about 6 months. let me tell you, thickened black coffee sipped through a straw, is not exactly gormet food in my mind!

my thanksgiving dinner in 92, was purreed, still was good. all my medications were ground up and put in pudding, mostly butterscotch. god i hate butterscotch still today! Danielle, your mom has had a very traumatic thing happen to her brain. while each stroke is different, some things every stroke survivor has in common. such as the emotional revolving door, theres a list of emotions a stroke survivor will go through over and over. that list includes, rage, hate, anger, anxiety and depression. just about the time you think you have beat one of them away, another will pop up. two weeks is a very short time following your mom's stroke, to form any kind of idea as to exactly what if any impairments she may be left with? dont expect any definitive answers from her doctors, as there are no definitive answers. stroke recovery is a life long process, and it begins with her. she needs intensive aggressive therapy as soon as she is stable enough to endure it. tis includes physical,occupational, possibly speech therapy, and definately phscological therapy! the doctors may tell you/her? there is a 6 month window in which recovery is made, that is utter nonsence! i'll admit improvements come much slower after some time, but still there are improvements. you mom is not truely trying to be rude to you Danielle, she is still desperately trying to comprehend what has happened to her. she'll need lots of love and even more patients to get through this. i cant say she'll ever be back to the way she was honestly? but she will get better! i'm sure you were informed that right brain works left body and vice versa, like your mom Danielle, my entire left side is paralyzed. you did say she can write normaly, i'm assuming she is right handed. me i was left handed and still haven't learned to write with my right hand. i can vision the letters in my mind, could make them with left hand, but my brain just wont convert them in a way my right hand can do it. it might be slow? but recovery only stops when we stop trying to recover.

acceptance is the first step to recovery, i have accepted that i'll be wheelchair bound for the rest of my life? there are many things i can no longer do. having been a union carpenter foreman over 27 years, in those years i'd only ever missed 6 days working up until november 2nd 1992 it was march 12th. 1995 before i'd reached my plateau in my recovery and was rleased from all hospitals and rehab centers. it was about 6 months before i could swallow all my liquids without choking, about 9 months before i could take my first step walking independantly with a quad cane. it was about two years before i could wipe my own butt, you talk about humiliating!

there are many online sites, to read and learn about strokes and the recovery from them. unfortunately,the moderators frown on anyone postingURL's for other sites. also i'd be happy to talk to you one on one via email, then again posting personal information such as email addresses aren't allowed either but i'll be happy to answer any questions i'm able to you may have on here?

maybe i can give you just a couple of tips here that can't be misconstrued as promoting anyone or anything off this site? if your mom is like me? she'll need an AFO brace/splint on her affected left foot to hold it in proper alignment. if she does? hopefully, it will fit into her regular size shoe? mine don't. my right foot takes a size 10 reg. width shoe, my left foot needs a size 13 EEEE. to occomodate my brace/splint. i've checked worlwide online, there is noplace to disguard these extra shoes, having to buy two pairs different sizes to make one matching pair without looking like pee-wee herman. you might check with mom's physical therapist's orthatist who makes the brace, if they'll have a need for them? i've a closet full of shoes thats never been worn i refuse to donate them to any company or person, who in turn will sell them to someone else at a profit. surely there must be someone somewhere with the same problem who needs same size shoes only on the opposite side? but i can't find them. i've contacted, VA. hospitals and rehabs nationwide even worldwide offering to send my shoes at my expence to be donated to any individual who has need of them? but evey place wants to make a profit on my sisfortune, to me that is unacceptable! i'm sorry this is getting so long. forgive my running on forever sentences please. i just forget

one other thing, i'm assuming your mom also has a splint/brace put on her affected left hand/wrist at night? if not she will. tou might wonder what this is for? it's just made of plastic and it keeps her wrist straight and hand from clinching into a tight fist as the muscles are not getting any direction from the brain? they'll kinda take on a mind of there own, will spasm and tighten, causing contortion of her wrist/hand. in the beginning this splint has a schedule like on two hours off two hours? eventually will be weened off totally. in a few months this plastic splint becomes brittle to the point it can break under the pressure of muscles doing what they do during sleep i've found, my wrist dont give me any pain at night during sleep but my hand will form a tight fist to the point of fingernails bringing blood at times it clinches so tight, everyone has a release point in their hand that will allow these muscles to relax, mine was my thumb, when pulled just a little my hand would relax completely, now it seems my point has moved to other fingers needing pulled open a bit. after going through about a dozen of these splints which aren't real cheap, aprox. $60-$75.00 and last maybe 6 months before becoming brittle and dried out. i've found that a pair of rolled up men's crew socks serves the same purpose. just roll up one sock placed on my bad hand, fingers wraped around it the best i can my wife will slip the other sock over my hand to hold i in place. does nothing for my wrist but have little problems with that, my fingernails don't dig into my other fingers.

be patient with your mom Danielle. it takes time to see improvements but they will come. feel free to ask me anything at all? i'll be glad to help if possible? if any questions? please just start another thread, saying for coupe in title, as there are several other stroke forums i post on trying to help where i can? it's much easier for me, if i can just see i'm needed rather than reading entire threads looking if i can help?

i'll keep you and your mom in my prayers for a quick recovery. i'll check this site each day Danielle. if you need me? just holler!

may god bless and keep us all

Larry/coupe

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happiness is a way of life, not a goal in life, success comes in cans not can'ts
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happiness is a way of life, not a goal in life, success comes in cans not can'ts

 
Old 10-19-2003, 03:58 PM   #6
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I had 7 strokes in late '96 and early '97 when I was 46 years old. My entire left side was paralized but I could talk. I was very emotional and cried a lot which the doctor said was normal. Now I can walk with a slight limp, drove a car a year later, worked a part-time job two years later and now I can do just about anything. ......but it was a very emotional time for me but I don't think I got emotional in the way your Mother did. Please give her my best wish's and tell her I'll be thinking of and praying for her....and please, if you wish you can tell her my story.
Barbie

 
Old 10-19-2003, 04:48 PM   #7
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My Mother has had three hemorragic strokes caused by high blood pressure also.
After the 2nd stroke she was only a little moody once in awhile. Now after this 3rd one, she screams and hollers every day. There's not a day that goes by that she doesn't scream and yell sometimes for an hour or more. It's been long enough now since the last stroke that I know she will probably never be the person she was before.
Right after the stroke there were times when she would talk crazy. She'd go off on a rant about something that I didn't even know what she was talking about.
She can't write very well although can write some. It's not real legible though.
My Mom has trouble with her bad leg shaking sometimes if she stands on it too long.
Overall, my MOm is one of the luckier ones even having 3 strokes. She can walk although it's painful on her affected leg. I never knew that strokes could affect a person that way.
ONe of the most important things is they get that high blood pressure under control. Because there's more than just strokes that can result.
Because the DR's have had a time controlling my Mom's blood pressure not only did she suffer the strokes, she now has kidney failure and an enlarged heart(which fortunately isn't too bad from what the DR's say) but if BP isn't brought under control she will suffer another stroke, eventually it will affect the kidney's as well as the heart causing heart failure too. So it's very important that the DR's are very aggressive in controlling the BP.
In my Mom's case she had to suffer through dizziness and blackouts. One time she fell on the concrete when my Dad was trying to get her in the house. It's a miracle she didn't break something.
As for your Mother she may never be back completely the way she was. Unfortunately, when a stroke affects the brain it doesn't just affect movement, etc.
I've gotten pretty used to my Mothers rants which she does all the time. If I'm not around for her to scream at she screams at my Dad.
Believe me, sometimes it is very hard not to lose patience with them especially if the scream the way my MOm does for an hour or more. And sometimes we just have to go outside or get in the car and go someplace for a bit until she stops ranting. That's usually what my Dad has to do when she rants and screams to the point that he can't watch TV or read.
Maybe it affected my Mom worse than most I don't know, personality wise, I mean but no matter it won't be easy.
And there will be alot you and your brothers will have to do to make it easier for her.
I'm curious as to why the Dr's weren't doing more to control her high blood pressure or did she even know she had it?

 
Old 10-20-2003, 09:40 AM   #8
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Thanks for responding. I pray to God my mom will be some what back to her old self one day. She still cant swallow, and I know she would not want to live laying in a bed with a feeding tube. The doctors say though, that as the blood dissapates she should get more back. Thank you everyone for responding, you have helped me immensly.
Danielle

 
Old 10-23-2003, 03:37 PM   #9
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Danielle, if you still check this, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I know what you're going through. I'm 28 and my sister is 25 and our dad had a massive rt sided stroke. He isn't being mean or anything, but he is very confused and doesn't know where he is most of the time. He talks a lot about war stuff, he thinks he's in a war. The Korean war to be exact. And he was never even in the service. When I go to see him at rehab,he thinks I am my mother. It's heartbreaking to see someone you love so much be broken down so terribly. I never imagined our family would be going through something so tragic and devastating. My son is 9 months now and was so close with his pappy and I'm afraid he's going to be strange with him before long. I can't stand this. Please let me know how you and your family are holding up. I'm over the shock and now trying to deal with all the emotions and trying to find a way to accept what's happened. I don't think I can.

 
Old 10-24-2003, 10:03 AM   #10
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I am so sorry about your dad. It is so hard seeing someone who took care of you now needing so much help. I feel like I am the mother now. I went and saw my mom yesterday and it was very strange, she was totally normal. Since she has been able to speak she hasnt been emotional, lovingly, at all. But yesterday it was like talking to some one who just broke their leg or something. She was joking with us and wasnt saying weird things. before she would tell us she was in Ireland, but now she tells us it was all a dream. I am hoping this isnt temporary, because it was totally her yesterday. I found out from the doctor that her blood clot wasnt 5cc's it was 65cc's I was very much in shock when he told me that, excpecially when I read that one persons was only 7cc's and they died. She still cant swallow, although they did the test and she was right on the edge. She has the feeding tube right into her stomach now. She goes to a nursing home in a few days. I just hope she gets better, and I pray she doesnt slip back to having some other personality. I hope every thing goes ok for you. It is hard, but everyday I just tell myself that I have to be strong for everyone, including her.

 
Old 10-24-2003, 01:24 PM   #11
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Hi Danielle. I'm happy to hear that you're mother is doing better now. It sounds like she's coming along pretty well. Does she understand that she had a stroke? My dad still doesn't know it yet and it will be three months Nov. 8. It is so frustrating. That scares me the most that he won't get his mind back. The physical impairments are hard enough to deal with, but to deal with the mental impairments that's even harder. My dad has the peg tube in his stomach too. He didn't pass his swallowing test the first time either. But he does eat pureed foods now. A lot of right hemisphere stroke patients will also get emotional times when they either laugh for no reason uncontrollably or they cry. My dad started this a few days ago and he cries. Crying is actually more common. Now my dad knows something is wrong with him but he doesn't know what. He told me that he was losing his mind b/c he's getting old. I just wish he would know what happened. Let me know how your mother continues to progress. Best of Luck. Oh, why is she going to a Nursing Home instead of a Rehab hospital? Just curious.

 
Old 10-27-2003, 07:17 PM   #12
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My mom understands she had a stroke, she remembers the morning it happened and how it felt even. They think she has Gastroparesis now, which is where her stomach is paralyzed, so she has to get her peg tube out and put in lower or something. She is pretty much with it mentally now. But she still cant feel her left side or swallow yet. She is over an hour away and was supposed to be moved to my town today, but now it will be atleast a few days cause they have to move the tube or whatever they are doing. I get so nervous sometimes that she wont ever be able to eat, I hope she can, that would kill her to be tube fed for the rest of her life.

 
Old 11-25-2003, 02:45 PM   #13
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Re: My mom had a stroke last week, HELP

[QUOTE=Danielle241]Last Sunday (10/5/03) my mom, who is 45 had a stroke. I am the oldest of three children (I am 23) I have a 19, 12, and 9 year old brother. The three of them were there when she had the stroke. She got out of the intensive care unit today and got extibated (off the respirator) on Thursday (10/9/13) She can write in her normal writing, and she can talk. She had the stroke in the right side of her brain and is paralyzed on the left side. They are not sure if she can swallow yet because her throat and mouth are so dry. She had the stroke from high blood pressure. It was a hemorragic stroke in the middle of the right side of the brain, so they can't do any thing to relieve the pressure. She is talking now, but isnt herself, she is rude to us and keeps trying to get up and leave. I am just curious if any one knows about this kind of stroke and if so how long does it take to get better. The doctor said we wont know how she will be until all the blood is dissapates into her brain, she has 5cc size clot that wont even start to dissapate for a few weeks from the stroke he said. This is very hard for me, I have a 3 year old son and they were so close. My brothers havent gone to the hospital yet to see her cause she keeps saying she doesnt want them to see her like this. She can remember alot, what the doctors say, that my brother had a soccer game in a few days, and that I need to call work and tell them she cant make it in to subsitute on thursday, but then she will just be rude and tell us how horrible the nurses are and how they come from the state penn, and then she yells at us to get her things, and she even told me to shut up and told me I was stupid the other day. The doctor said her personality should come back, that she is just delirious because of all the pressure. Anyways, I am just scared and want my mom back, she was my best friend and I called her everyday, it is so hard to not be able to talk to her. I just want to know what to excpect or what has happened to other people. Thanks [img]http:/

 
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