Re: my little ones b-day comming up
Why hold back the tears. I can't imagine a harder loss to grieve for, if there's anything worth crying over, this would be it. And especially if your other kids feel strongly about it, it would be good for them to be able to express it on her birthday and be allowed to feel their feelings - and you yours too.
Something practical: study into how memory works and post-traumatic stress syndrome shows that you physiologically experience remembered memories as though they were happening for real, every time you remember them in your mind. But if you talk about those memories, or write them down, the act of translating those memories into language changes the way they are stored in your mind, and can help remove the physiological and strong emotional pain associated with the memories. You'll never forget what happened, but talking about it might ease the loss over time.
My prayers will be with you all. Ariel.