My 4 week old baby boy passed away on the 1st September 2006 of SIDS he was healthy and i dont understand why this happened, i did everything right that i was supposed to do, i did everything with him that i did with my 2 little girls (my girls are now 5 and 3) the funeral was 2 days ago and with it it brought even more pain which i didnt think wss possible, i wake up in pain every morning missing him, he was my world and i know i have to be strong for everyone but i just cant seem to find any strength in myself, the mmorning it happened i woke at 6.30am to use the bathroom, then i went back to sleep and an hour later i woke to find him gone,....an hour!? i wish id woke him up at 6.30am , if i had he may still be with me
Oh sweetie, let me tell you something, you're waking up would not have saved him....when we are called home, we go home no matter what. It's not something you could have changed if you would have woken up earlier. It's simply not your fault.
Nothing can be said to make your pain go away....I wish it weren't that way, but it's only time that can make the days a little less painful. You are still in the middle of the grief and it's not going away any time soon. You need to seek help from those around you, a support group (on line or in person) and ask for what you need. People are not mind readers and grief does funny things to people...when they don't know what to do to help you they either stick both feet in their mouths or stay away for fear of hurting you more.
The loss of a child, IMO, is the most traumatizing thing any person could ever be exposed to...and most still manage to survive it, although, few are sure how.
I know you're wondering right now how you'll ever make it through and again, it's the most simply complicated answer, you just do. That's another funny thing about grief is we are so far down and then it almost seems to come suddenly that you look back and are surprised, that you made it. And by making it, I mean that you have more good days in between your bad days, and then your bad days turn to bad moments....
My honest advice would be to talk about it whenever you feel strong enough. Share your memories, your joys, heartache, fears, etc. to anyone who's willing to listen and give you and ear. If you can't find them in your daily life at home or with friends, find a group, or just stay here. I don't check here often, but I promise you I will if you need an ear. I don't know how much help I'll be, but I'm willing to listen to anything and everything you feel strong enough to share.
You have my sincerest admiration for remaining strong (yes you are, even if you don't feel it) and I will keep you, your family and your son in my prayers.
By the way, would you mind telling me what you named your son? What was he like? And what is your fondest memory of him? I know this seems weird, but sometimes, you can find the happiness through the tears and it feels good to cry when sharing a good memory...but if that's not where you are at, that is fine as well.
Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
Big hugs and may the angels keep your heart in one piece......Angel
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!
I am so sorry for your loss- my heart hurts for you and your family. The next seconds, mintues, hours, days, months and years are going to bring so many emotions, doubts and fears- and there is no right or wrong way to deal with them. There are going to be days when you feel like being strong, and days when you just can't- days when you think you've found answers, and days when more questions surface....but you will always be your little boy's mommy, and he'll always be your son...and whenever you'd like to talk about him, you'll find friends here. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I know this isn't what you want to hear honey, I lost one of my boys, ( he wasn't mine by birth/ But i spent enough time with him that he felt like mine ) in a faulty crib accident, I woke up at 6:30 to find him entraped in the crib. I have been blaming myself for this these past two weeks. The only thing I can say to you honey is that. They are no longer earth angels, they are heavenly angels now. Just remember the little things. Dont blame yourself. Your in my prayers
You are in my prayers as well. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain. I know it is hard, but please try not to feel guilty about anything. SIDS happens just like a lot of other tragedies happen and usually there is nothing that could have been done to change things. Please know too that we are all here for you.
i know how your feeling right now and i am deeply sorry that this has happend to you!! i gave birth to my first child in feb but due to complications at labour she died at 19 hours old, ppl say to me time is a healer but sum days i find myself in floods of tears !! i hope your pain eases it will get better but you will always have your bad days this probly duznt make sence as i find it hard to talk but my prayers are with you and your family!! x x x