It is almost a year since my daugher Faith died, she was just six months old and the best little girl in the world. She was so good, you would never know she was in the room with you. She always had a great big smile for me when i would go into her room to get her up. She just loved to cuddle into you and she would dribble all over you face, it was like she was trying to kiss me goodmorning. God how i wish i could have that just one more time/
She died on the 14 june 2006, at home in her own cot, i had put her down for her nap at about lunch time, she was such a good sleeper, but when i went back into get her up she was dead. I will never forget the feeling of dread as I walked over to her cot, i just knew there was something wrong but i never thought of this. She was soooo cold, that just sticks in my head, and i hate the fact that she was on her own, she must of been so scared.
I feel as though i have left her down. I had one job and that was to keep her safe and i failed. My family has been great but it just does not help. They have not been there and so they have no idea what this feels like.
I have a three year old son and he is still having some nightmares about that day, he was with me when i found her. Now every time he sees some one asleep he asks me if they are dead. It is like a knife in my heart.
I am trying to get my life back to some bit of normal, but it is soo hard, I miss her so much, my son is a daddies boy and she was a mummies girl. Our family was complete and we were so happy. Now i find out that i might not be able to have any more and it just makes things worse, i had this hope i could have amother child to help fill that void in my heart. Dont get me wrong i know that i cant replace faith and i would never try , but i do miss holding a child in my arms and getting that warm feeling when they smile back at you when you pick them up.
If only we could turn back time and maybe we could have done something different. I dont konw, i think i will spend the rest of my life wishing and blaming my self for what happened. I faild in my job to protect and keep her safe and i wish i could tell her just how sorry i am.