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Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Message Board
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Old 06-12-2007, 04:07 PM   #1
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Just need some one to talk to

I lost my little girl to SIDS on 14 june 2006, i put her down for her afternoon hap just like i had done every day, but this time when i went back in to get her up she was dead. I will never forget how cold she was, it is a feeling i just cant get rid of. I also have a three year old son who was with me that day, he is still having night mares about it. Each time he sees someone asleep he as me it they are dead.

How do you answer that, the best i can do is say no they are asleep but i can see he is confused by my answer.

Each day is more painful then the last, i miss her so much it is like a knife beening put through my heart. She was such a good child, she was never cross and she was very good to go down at nite. I would have to wake her to feed her at times, she was the best. She would have the bigest smile for me in the morning when i went in to get her up. She just loved a cuddle and she would dribble all over your face, it was like getting a goodmorning kiss.

I find it very hard to look at her pictures and yet i cant take them down off the walls and i get very cross if some one moves them.

I wish , no i dont know i want some days its not to remember and other i dont want to forget. Its like a battle inside of me to stay sane/

I dont kinow about amy one else but i feel as though i have left her down. it was my job it look after her and i didnt. My husband has been great i dont think i would have gotton this far with out him, he tells me as oftern as i need to hear it that is was not my fault. but to end of my days i think i will always feel as though it was.


Ps i might end up posting this twice as i am not very good with computers and my spelling is not very good so please forgive me

Raven

 
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Old 06-12-2007, 07:03 PM   #2
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Re: Just need some one to talk to

I would like to offer you a smile and a good firm handshake. It's wonderful to hear that you have a caring husband and a wonderful 3 year old.
Truly I can't find words that fit here so I've been sitting hear typing and then backspacing! Oh why not! Here's a virtual "hug" too! (Don't tell anyone)

 
Old 06-12-2007, 07:12 PM   #3
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angelclo HB User
Re: Just need some one to talk to

Hi, my heart goes out to you, especially at this time with the anniversary so close.

I lost my son in 2001 - he stopped breathing in my arms and although I gave him CPR (REMOVED) I couldn't save him. It doesn't stop me blaming myself even now, and I know nothing anybody will say to you will stop you blaming yourself.

I would like to say though that even though the hurt doesn't get any less, you start to cope with it better...especially once all those first milestones are over.

As for her photos, of course you want to see them, even if they do hurt. Her life, no matter how short, was part of your life and she will always be your daughter.

Two of my kids watched me try to resuscitate their brother and they were 4 and 3 at the time. There is a beautiful book about waterdragons which is a fantastic way to help kids understand dying and I think it would be brilliant for your son. It simply tells the story of how waterdragons at some stage in their life leave the pond by swimming up to the surface and never coming back. One waterdragon is scared to do this but of course has to and when he bursts through the water surface he is amazed at the beauty surrounding him - sky and plants and creatures etc. The story is an analogy for Heaven and makes complete sense to young kids.

Good luck, please feel completely free to reply if you want to talk some more.

Last edited by moderator2; 06-12-2007 at 07:42 PM. Reason: PLEASE READ AND FOLLOW THE POSTING POLICY - PEER SHARING ONLY ON THESE MESSAGE BOARDS

 
Old 06-13-2007, 03:46 AM   #4
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Re: Just need some one to talk to

Thank you for your kind words, i only hope that it does get better for me. It is so hard to get up each morning, tomorrow she will be gone out of our lives for one year, i am just dreading it, the flash back have not been as much as they were but now i fear they will come back just as bad. I dont know it i can go through that again.

Even now tears are flowing down my face as i type this reply

My husband and sonare outside playing and i dont have the heart to join in it just does not feel right.

 
Old 06-14-2007, 09:10 AM   #5
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Re: Just need some one to talk to

One step at a time. That's what I remind myself of.

We lost our 7mos old to SIDS in 2001. Oskar is such a beautiful, happy little son, and he passed away while napping at our sitter's home, while my husband and I were teaching (day two of the start of the school year). Our whole world changed, as of course you know.

The photos you mention.... keep them up. I have Oskar's picture between the other two boys on our mantle. I smile now, when I look up to him, and I even whisper little thoughts when I think about how it would be to have all three of them driving me crazy at the same time. I'd love that!

Tomorrow will be a special day. I think that once you get through the day, you'll be amazed at how far you and your family have come. Perhaps you can find a way to celebrate your daughter's life with you and how she continues in your heart. We send up milar balloons each year to heaven, and find an activity to do that we think he would enjoy (putt putt, a movie, fishing at a special spot, a swimming hole).

It will get better. Your daughter will always be with you.
M.

 
Old 06-14-2007, 01:29 PM   #6
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to day was very hard

To day has been the hardest day of my life, I was fine up until it came to the time I found her and it all came back to me like a ton of bricks. I cryed just like i did that day and i now feel drained.

I feel so low, I know you say it will get better, but when you are in that dark tunnell you just cant see the light at the end of it. I would give my right arm just to have her back here with me and getting under my feet just like her brother.

Friends have been asking me if i am ok to day and all i can say is yes, what else can i say, they think i shaould be over it by now and that i should be happy that i have my son. And i an happy to have my son but he is not Faith and nothing will every replace her. But they dont understand and please God they never will, I will not wish this understanding on anyone.

My husband has been great today, he has huged me whebn i needed it and left me alone when i have asked. I just want it all to end. I dont know how anyone else feels but they are days i think it would be better if i join her, then my pain would go away because i dont think i can do this for much longer..

 
Old 06-14-2007, 03:28 PM   #7
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Re: Just need some one to talk to

I am so very very sorry for your loss. The pain you are experiencing is very evident in your words. I have to ask you, this happened a year ago? (You wrote June 2006). If you are feeling this way after this length of time I think you should really consider seeing a counselor. You are having difficulty with this and you can't over come by yourself. It is important for you, your son and your husband who all love you and need you. There is nothing wrong with getting help. I hope you will consider it.

 
Old 06-14-2007, 06:55 PM   #8
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Re: Just need some one to talk to

hi Evie4

Yes this was a year ago, I tried a counsoler but I found it hard to talk about Faith. I just could not connect with this person, she was just to cold. I now just deal with it the best I can. I try not to think to much on that day, because the flash backs are just to much.

It is two fifty in the morning and I cant sleep because that dreadful day is just going around in my head. I know myself that if i dont get help i will go mad. I can go through that day ten times in one day. and it feels just like i was there.

But i will consider going to see some one else, I know i need someone but it is not that easy.

 
Old 06-14-2007, 09:21 PM   #9
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Re: Just need some one to talk to

You definitely need someone you feel comfortable with and you will have to trust the person. I totally understand that it just didn't work out with the counselor you saw.

That is a very long time for you to feel such pain and saddness. I am relieved that you are willing to try again. You need to see someone that specializes in grief counseling--you are obviously not getting through the grief and you need help and direction with it.

I know someone that was traumatized by an event somewhat similar to yours. The shock and disbelief among other emotions was more than she could handle--and it was totally understandable. It was just too overwhelming and she managed to get through it with a grief counselor. It wasn't easy, but she has her life back now.

I'm glad you wrote to the board. I hope more people write to you. Perhaps all these things combined will help pull you through. I'm also very proud (even though I don't know you) that you are willing to seek out help. That alone gives me the feeling that you have the strength to get through this, you just need some guidance.

Take care,
Evie

Last edited by Evie4; 06-14-2007 at 09:22 PM. Reason: Typo

 
Old 07-14-2007, 01:52 AM   #10
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Madam Captain HB User
Re: to day was very hard

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My grandmother lost a child, she had just turned 2. She had encephalitis and eventually died from pneumonia. This happened in the 1950s and although it was a long time ago, she still has a photo of her daughter in her bedroom. She said she never takes it down. I know its a bit different to losing a baby to SIDS but I think its good to keep your daughters' photos out.

 
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