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Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Message Board
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Old 01-28-2010, 04:43 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Garden Grove, CA USA
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mykinzie10 HB User
My Baby Kory's Story was Published.

Hi My name is Marla. My baby son Kory died the day he turned 4 weeks old. We just woke up one morning to find Kory had died. He was extremely healthy at 8'8" when he was born. Something that truly helped me out in my healing process was that i wrote a story about my experience with Kory in our lives and got it published. It was very healing for me to get my feelings out in this way and to share Kory with others like this. Something else that helped me was for me to realize that I wasnt alone, by any means. I hope that by my story, and by my post here also, this helps someone else to realize that they are not alone either. I am here and I do understand also the pain. The guilt. The remorse. I have sometimes felt that I will NEVER heal! I used to drink and drink to "numb" myself out and then I also started cuitting my wrists to let out some of that internal pain, and I was also wanting to see just how close to death I could get. If I did, in fact, die from slicing my wrists, it would actually be ok then too. Then, i felt, I could be close to Kory once again. It's extremely difficult. We were not created for our children to die before we do. I have to go on though. I had other babies after Kory died. I had 3 more. I was obsessed at watching their fetal heart monitors flash a green light for each breath they took. I just sat there with a glass of wine and obsessed over that flashing light. Today I am past that. Today I realize its ok to still feel some pain about losinig Kory. I have a life now. I have a life that I enjoy at times even. I NEVER thought I would ever enjoy another moment of life ever again, after Kory died. You can also, and you will. Do Not Give Up. Give TIME a chance. I don't know if everyone here believes in God or not. I gave up on my faith in God when Kory died. Today I have it back. God never gave up on me, he just waited patiently for me to come back. Without God, I would have killed myself. Today I am so grateful to Him. Without him, I would not be alive today to be a mother for my other children. They are all truly wonderful also. I am willing and would love to talk to anyone here that needs to talk to someone who has experienced this. This is what helps me. To help someone else, and to know that I am not alone. Thank you all for listening. Sincerely, Marla aka Mykinzie.

 
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