My 4 month old son just died a few weeks ago ,my shrink told me to try to post about it online its so hard .i guess i'll start at the begining I was told i could not have kids without drugs or in vitro but after 3 years of trying with no drugs i found out i was pregnant i was working at the time and was so sick at my seventh month the company forced me to quit . i had to be monitored twice a week vbecause my fluids were low and one of the tests showed possable spina-bifida . i was due march 1st but on tusday feb 16 my fluids were way to low and they sceduled me for induction was in medicaded labor for 28 hours finally i had to have a c- seection because my son just wouldnt come out .he was born on feb17 at 8:15 pm 5lbs12oz 19 in long healthy baby boy no spina bifida or any other problems took him home the next day he absolutly refused to sleep on his back he would roll on his side no matter what i did i folowed all the guidelines no blankets in crib placed him on back i did swaddle him he never would sleep un swaddled it was hard to follow all the preventon guidelines because of his active personality New borns are not suposed to roll over onto thier sides so by 2 months he was rolling from front to back and back to front boys are at higher risk for sids so i was always checking on him trying the best i could to keep him in one place then he absoulutly would not sleep in his crib he would scream and cry all night i asked a specalist and they told me that the risks of putting him in a car seat were no higher than cribs he wouldnt sleep any where but his stroller or car seat the lack of sleep was making him sick so i caved and at 2 1/2 monthes put him in his stroller he would sleep through the night he had his shots at 2 months after we changed sleeping arangements took him back to his dr. and he checked out with a perfect bill of health the only thing wrong with him was he was always real skinny but that was just the way he was built That was exactly the quote his dr made when i asked if i was feeding him enough , he was always so happy and full of life he was starting to be able to stand with minor suport he would take steps when you held him by the waist push up on his arms when he was on his stomach and a week before he died he started saying mama i loved him so much and now think mabee i was too overprotective in my opinion theres nothing you can do to prevent it from hapining i know i tried everything its usually the special ones that are taken from us i know he was special every one loved him so much even the pizza guy was destrought when i told him ,on june 19th i had to go help my friend who had a miscarige she lives two hours away i left on sat and came home on sunday she had wanted me to stay till monday for my birth day, but i couldnt stand being gone for that long ,i was dying being away from him for one night ,i got back sundy night at 8:00 i fed him and played with him till 12:45 he got sleepy so i wraped him up and put him down in his carseat shut one of his doors i always left the far one open so i could hear him at night ,i woke up at six and he had been quiet all night i checked him a few times before six becase i was paranoid i thought something bad would happen to him if i dint check him ,at six he was fine i was going to feed him but he was sleeping so peacefully sucking on his pacifire I went to feed him at 10:45 or somwhere around then and he was gone his body an emty husk his lips cold his body was still warm so i tryed to do cpr but i already knew he was gone you can tell when their spirit is no longer there especailly a child whos never been exposed to the bad parts of this world i have come to terms with god i didnt get angry at god for taking my son he was the best thing other than his father that i had in my life ,but i know god gave him to me for a reason god took him away because he was too perfect to be here god sent me an angel who stayed with me for as long as he could before going on to his next task its hard because i miss him i loved him so much my beautifull Baby Austin
Of course you miss him. I'm praying for you.
Is there a grief meetingplace somewhere near your home?
Don't forget about your husband's grief, either. Men can be so stoic, sometimes we can think they are handling thing well when they are not. Maybe a group where you attend together will be helpful.
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my daughter 3 1/2 months ago to SIDS. She was 14 weeks old. I miss her every second of the day. I can't stop thinking about how I could of prevented her death. Going about your life without your child just doesn't seem right. You mentioned it was hard not getting up in the mornings and fixing your son's bottle. I completely understand, you get so used to the new routine of your new bundle of joy and then it goes away. You feel so lost. I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Things have not gotten any easier for me. I hope you have a great support system with friends and family. My friends have been amazing.
Its very hard try not to blame yourself theres nothing you can do to prevent it experts say if you do every thing they say you can but from my experience you really cant just think of it as god telling you you did a wonderfull job you were a good mom your baby learned what she was suposed to shes safe now try to fill up the empty spaces by doing somthing else thats time consuming so you dont feel so lost ,my suport system has been wonder full my husband has been great he was upset but he made me realize what a blessing my son was all you can do is remember all the happy times you had and reset your goal if you still want another child then have one dont be afraid , youll never forget your sweet bundle of joy ,but dont be sad and dont blame yourself ,be happy that she dosent have to go through all the bs of life , it took me aile but im slowly coming to peace with myself i finally got his urn and i kiss it every day and imagine him saying mommy itll be ok ,you have to be strong its ok to miss them you always will,but never queston your parenting skills you were a great mom
to sue My husband and i see a grief counselor every week she helps me a little but she has helped my husband more and he has helped me the most its hard but im slowly starting to remake my goals thats gotta be the hardest part right now when i lost my son i lost my whole life that i had planned but every day i look at a picture of him smileing and it gives me strenghth so does every one on here and other boards and the compasion of people have been a great help i kno im not the only one so it makes me hopefull for the future
Last edited by KrystalKat; 07-12-2010 at 10:31 PM.
I too, lost my child to Sids. My daughter was 14 MONTHS old. rare but it does happen. She would have been 19 years old 10 days ago.
I have been where your at and believe me, you are going through the hardest thing you will ever have to go through. You will never get over it, you will never forget it and you will never stop thinking about the what if's but you will come to terms with it and you will live a normal life...after awhile...if you let yourself.
I know life seems impossible to live without your baby and the future that you thought you'd have is now torn to shreds but as impossible as it seems now, you will be happy again, laugh, sing, go on with a normal life....but you will always be defined by it. you will always be a person who buried a child. its an awful club to belong to. But we're smarter than most. we have truly learned what is and isn't important in life and we learn that lesson well. it sets us apart from others.
Try and cling to your faith. Let your loved ones help. cry ALOT. But in the end, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and put one foot in front of the other and start to live your life again.
Thank you im begining to get my strenth back its been easer knowing that im not alone that other people have to go through bad things too im not the only one and nither is anyone elce there is always somone that knows what your going through how to deal with it is what we have to figure out for ourselves
My heart goes out to you..... I lost my son "Kris" on Jan 4/83 exactly 6 mos and 1 day from his birth.... there is not a single day that goes by , that I dont think of him... but I can tell you the memory of death day will fade and the wonderful memories of his life , will live on forever and give you peace...when I think of him now...only good thoughts , not sadness fill me heart....time does heal all wounds... I have two beautiful healthy children with my new husband of 22 years.... my son is 21 and my daughter is 15 life moves on, as I am sure it will for you..... Many hugs to you!!!