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Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) Message Board
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Old 03-12-2011, 11:56 AM   #1
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Sharing my story...finally

Hello, my name is Ellie. In December, my husband and I lost my 1month old baby girl to SIDS.
The birth of my daughter was uncomplicated. Pregnancy was perfect. I had the perfect amount of weight gain. (30lbs exactly) and no problems, besides morning sickness...the birth was long, but went well. She was perfect...beautiful. I couldn't believe that my husband and I had created such an angel. One month later, I found that I just could not sleep. My daughter was sleeping after having just finished a feeding and, for some reason, I was worried. My husband was at a friend's place across town for the night, getting in some much needed social time. I watched her sleep for two hours until I finally let my exhausted self fall asleep.
When the alarm clock went off, it sounded ominous...like I was in another world. I woke up to find my baby girl had passed away in the night.
I can't share with you the story of the ambulance, hospital, and police (seriously, you have to ask me 6billion questions after I just lost my child with no warning??) because it's just too painful. This is the first time I've really opened up about it at all.
I wouldn't wish this nightmare on anyone....For the first month after, I was in complete denial. I thought that if I was a really good person, I'd wake up one morning and she'd be back with me. I'm finally at a place where I've accepted her passing, but it still hurts so much.
I see other 20 year olds and they seem to have not a care in the world. I can't stand their immaturity, selfishness, and cockiness. (I know they aren't all like this...I'm venting.)
I was very young when I married and young when I got pregnant, but let me assure you, my husband and I were happy and ready to take care of our daughter. I've gotten some horrible comments like "Well, you'll have a life now." And, of course, the lovely "Don't have children right away...you can't replace her."
I KNOW that I cannot replace our daughter and I would never try. What business is it of anyone else's when we have more children? (I was judged for being pregnant so young, even though my husband has a job, I do temp work, and we're both very responsible people.) All I've ever wanted to be is a mother...well, ok, and an actress when I was five, but c'mon.

And here's the thing, it looks like I might be pregnant again. We weren't trying really, but couldn't bring ourselves to actively not try. I want to be happy if I am, but I feel scared, judged, nervous...(please keep in mind that I have no desires to be some partying 20yr old)
I need some support. What should I say to those that judge me; have any of you gotten pregnant so soon after a loss? Are there any other young moms on this board.?

P.s: I'd love advice from all ages.
Thanks for letting me share.
~Ellie

 
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Old 03-14-2011, 07:42 PM   #2
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Re: Sharing my story...finally

Ellie, you do not have to explain to anyone why you are having another baby so soon. People need to let the judgment be left to God and worry about their own affairs. I totally relate to you because I too married young, had a baby, and lost my first born to SIDS .... we had a 2nd baby right away (they were 15 months apart). If people are going to talk, nothing you say will stop them. You don't owe them answers and if this is happy news for you and your husband - ENJOY IT!!! Those who are truly happy for you will support you and be genuinely happy for you and those who are not .... well they are unhappy with themselves to start with so you can't, nor should you have to, please them anyways.

 
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Old 04-24-2011, 12:03 AM   #3
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Re: Sharing my story...finally

Ellie, I dont know what to say... My name is Robin, and I live in Indiana. I am 28 years old and ten days ago, I lost my baby boy to SIDS. I dont know what to do. Tomarrow is Easter and instead of buying him his first present, I will spend the day decorating his gravesite. He was born on Feb 1st and passed on April 14th. This is the most awful thing ever ! I say do what feels right. I have two girls with my ex husband. This was my first son, and my finace's first child. I feel your pain and that something is missing. Part of my heart has died. Keep in touch, Robin

 
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Old 04-27-2011, 05:14 PM   #4
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Re: Sharing my story...finally

I am so sorry for your loss and definantly feel your pain i just a week ago lost my beautiful baby girl to SIDS as well it is very un fair. I wish you very good luck with this baby if you are pregnant again. I feel there is nothing wrong with having a baby this soon you will be able to share all that love with her that u resently wanted to share with the baby that was yanked from you for absalutley no reason.

 
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Old 05-17-2011, 02:24 PM   #5
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Wink Re: Sharing my story...finally

I can feel the pain of all of the mothers who have lost their babies to SIDS. I kind of feel like the "old person" here since it has been 6 years since my beautiful boy passed from SIDS. If any of you need to talk or to just hear that you're not going crazy (I know I thought I was), I'm here for you. As I said in another post, it does get easier.

 
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Old 06-15-2011, 02:09 AM   #6
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Re: Sharing my story...finally

Quote:
Originally Posted by HeavynsMommy View Post
I can feel the pain of all of the mothers who have lost their babies to SIDS. I kind of feel like the "old person" here since it has been 6 years since my beautiful boy passed from SIDS. If any of you need to talk or to just hear that you're not going crazy (I know I thought I was), I'm here for you. As I said in another post, it does get easier.
hey, sorry about your son. a mother shouldn't have to bury her child...

 
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