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Old 03-10-2002, 09:51 PM   #1
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TearyEyed HB User
Unhappy Falling for my boyfriends brother....

I need a few words of advice from someone.
I've been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for close to half a year. He's amazing, and he treats me great. The only problem is, he's got an older brother, and lately... I've been seeing the two of them differently. My boyfriend's brother is VERY attractive, successful, and has a great sense of humor. Everyone loves him. He's SO nice to me. We get along great, and I'm not sure if there's something there or not... he always compliments me, and buys me little gifts if I do him favors. -- Not to say that means anything more than it actually is. However...
Lately, I find that every time I get "physical" with my boyfriend, I'm thinking of his brother. They're both just SO great. This is becoming a big problem though. What do I do? Should I confess? Who should I talk to? What if my feelings for my boyfriends brother don't go away? Someone, please help...

 
Old 03-11-2002, 12:50 AM   #2
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okay, this is a difficult one...
hope my explanation will make sense, so here goes...

first of all, you have a relationship, it is normal to look at other guys and fantasize, means you are normal. but if you really love your boyfriend, you should stick with him, try to forget the bro and see him as a bro and not a suitable husband.
second, if you are not fully satisfied with your current boyfriend, then consider if your relationship is worth the time and effort. i can imagine that it will be a great shock for your current boy if you are dating (will be) his brother.
be open in your relationship, but not to open, make up where your boundaries are, sometimes it is just better to keep quiet.
third, you are not sure of the feelings of his brother, so try to talk to him about it, is he seeing you as the girlfriend of his brother, or as a stunning beauty for himself . talk to him when you are alone somewhere... deal with the situation, otherwise you will spend a lot of time and worry about it.
if you choose for the bro, remember that it is fully your choice... the situation can be awkward, but so is life.

think about your relationship with both very hard... and choose one, stick with that decision and know their will be tears and heartache. this isn't simple

good luck and all the best

 
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Old 03-11-2002, 11:19 AM   #3
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Thank you so much your your advice. It really does help.
It's just really hard for me, because the first time his brother saw me, was well before I ever started going out with the younger one. It was well before I even talked to my current boyfriend. I guess one day I was leaving work, and my boyfriends brother just said, "Wow, who's THAT?"
And sometimes my boyfriend and I will go to his older brother's place, and after I leave he says to his little brother, "Your girlfriend is so cool! She's so attractive. She's so funny. She looks great." Blah blah blah.
Every time the 3 of us hang out together, if there's a whole bunch of his friends around, he always singles me out and talks to me. But he's also VERY shy, he's afraid to sit beside me on the couch and things like that.
You see, my boyfriends brother hasn't had a girlfriend in a VERY long time. I don't think he's ever had a serious girlfriend, to tell you the truth. He's somewhat depressed. He goes to the bar and then tells me what an awful time he had because nobody decent really talked to him or anything. He's just having a really hard time meeting people, and I want to... take him under my wing. I want to show him what love can really be like. I want to rock his world. I don't want him to spend his Saturday nights being lonely (which is often the case)
I almost just wish we were closer friends, so I could maybe spend more one on one time with him so he won't be so lonely.
Does this all make sense? Or am I just rambling?

 
Old 03-11-2002, 04:06 PM   #4
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 118
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Perhaps your really attracted to him as much as you want to care for him?

Like you dont like seeing him all upset so you want to help him out and take care of him. But anyways back to the point...


Chances are if you tell you boytoy that you like his big bro your gonna get tossed, family >> girlfriend.
Especially if this causes a problem. Your best bet is to:
A) Wait it out
B) REALLY think about why you like his brother (does he treat you different/better than your BF)

 
Old 03-15-2002, 02:49 AM   #5
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I agree. Your best bet is to wait it out. Although, from the way you are speaking of your boyfriend's bro, it sounds like you are more than just attracted to him physically. You should probably compare the two. Figure out what it is about your boyfriend you like & don't like & what it is about his brother you like & don't like. It's not good to do but I think it may be the only way in this case.

 
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