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Old 04-13-2003, 04:21 PM   #1
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Location: Hanover Park, Ill USA
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Esperanza HB User
Red face Jailed 18 yr old back at home -I'm bad guy, my husband good guy

I have an 18 year old son who has been in and out of the detention center for many different reasons, but they include stealing from his work place, attempted burglary, copying and distributing fake money. Here's my problem - He does not admit to this, but for the past few years, I have had pieces of jewelry that dissappeared. I would attribute it to my forgetfulness. Before X-mas, I found that almost all of my jewelry was gone. Three days later, I found in my purse holding on to the little jewelry I had left. I called the cops and pressed charges, but the district state attorney's office did not pursue. He is back home, and once again, a piece of jewelry is missing.

I have given him the dealine of August 15th to move out of the house (he's still in HS), but he has not made any attempts to look for a job.

Today, I reminded him of his committment to do so, and because an argument insued, my husband backed my son up and said I was wrong for confronting him.

I am so tired of being the "bad guy", but my husband NEVER does anything to him - including administering consequences, or remembering that our son is not meeting the agreed upon rules.

The question I have is this: is it true that later these same kids appreciate the "stricter" parent - I feel so alone and angry -

he was raised properly, but chose to hang around kids that I did not approve of, but my husband insisted that there was nothing we can do about it. I have come to realize that it wasnt his friends, but him - and that is so sad.

 
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Old 04-13-2003, 10:11 PM   #2
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Wheresrunt HB User
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Unfortunately in your situation your son has learned very well how to play dad against mom.Whats sad is that your husband allows him to do this. Parents should stand together and agree on a coarse of action and support each other. It doesn't sound like your husband and you are able to do that.My husband and I support each other and if we disagree then we discuss it away from our kids. I can understand your concern. You should feel at ease in your own home. Feel ok about having your things out in the open without fear of them being stolen. I was a horrible teen-ager. I never had problems with stealing though. I turned out ok. I do a lot of things different with my children then the way i was raised. Communication and trust are very important in any home. I feel for you. I wish there was something i could say to make you feel better even if it was for just a moment. Bottom line...you and your husband need to talk. If you can't agree on a course of action and stand together...I just don't see how it can get better. Your husband needs to open his eyes. By saying and doing nothing , he is allowing this behavior to continue. At 18 that boy needs a dose of reality.If i was in your shoes..And my husband and son acted that way and wouldn't change their ways...this sounds really bad, but i would wait until my husband and son weren't home, i'd pack his stuff up and change the locks on the doors. Quite frankly i'd pack the old mans stuff up too! It's your home. The police can't say anything about that. The boy is 18 and no longer a minor or your legal responsability.Sometimes kids need to learn the hard way.I wish you a lot of luck and hope things will work out.

 
Old 04-16-2003, 03:57 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by Esperanza:
The question I have is this: is it true that later these same kids appreciate the "stricter" parent - I feel so alone and angry -
Yeah, we/they usually do. I'm much better off now because my parents had no problem letting me have it when I got into ****.


 
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