I have had alot of problems lately and have been pretty stressed out about them. Alot of friends and stuff know I have been going through alot lately and they are worried, but they are amazed how well I'm handling things. The truth is though I'm not handling things, and so many other little problems keep rearing their ugly heads but I try to keep up the image that everything is fine. I don't talk about alot of my problems because I always feel like my friends won't understand what I'm feeling, and that maybe if I act as if everything is fine all my problems will go away. I just want to drop everything in my life right now and go interstate or something. I feel like I'm going insane! It takes so much effort to do every day things. The other day I was at school and It was like a part of me was screaming to just get up and jump on a plane, but the other part of me made me stay because i wanted to keep up my image that everything is okay. I feel like this most of the time, but I always manage to fake a smile. Sometimes I feel like I want to cry about everything but i just cant, and I half intentionally start a fight with a family member so they yel at me and say something mean to me so I can cry.
I keep forgetting to do things cause i have so much on my mind, and it's getting to the point where i forget to eat. Alot of the time I worry myself sick, so it really is an effort to eat. I have lost alot of weight because of this, and thats not good because i have never been a fat or chubby person. People have started to notice this but i still manage to make out like everything is fine. I think people are starting to notice I'm not okay as i make out to be, and alot of people have been telling my to see a therapist (including my mum and my doctor) but I have managed to convince them all that I am fine. I'm so confused and scared and i don't know what to do.
The first thing you need to do is let loose. Drop the image of making it look like you're fine. Holding that up is just making matters worse! I think you should get some help, because losing weight from this is not good! I'm terribly sorry that you're going through all this.. but the only way for things to actually change is for you to confess to everyone and yourself that you have a problem. Living in denial doesn't help.... Once you're helped and you've let it all loose, life will go a lot smoother.
Quitters always lose, and winners never give up.
First of all, life is too short to waste. You need to get things in order and dealt with- whether that be through some alone time or by seeing a professional who can help get to the bottom of things etc. Life should be somewhat fun you know? Do it for yourself, if not for the people around you.
There are a lot of people out thre who know exactly what you're going trough, yet never make it known, until you come to them. Only then do you know who can truly help you. So, when you say you don't think others will know what you're dealing with, don't jump to conclusions- you never know who has been through what or how much someone can help you. That attitude is only hindering yourself more and more, not to mention those around you. Don't think they aren't effected. They are- either indierectly or directly.
Hi Kylie. I hope you don't mind hearing from a mom, if so, then just don't read this.
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad! From reading your posts, you seem so sweet and gentle. Do you have a friend you could talk to? It is hard to go to your parents or any kind of "professional" and ask for help, but if you have one close friend you can confide in and just let out all that emotion, you will feel better. I have one friend who I can talk about ANYTHING with and it helps me a lot. Another thing I do when I am feeling overwhelmed with life is that i write. Nothing fancy, I just get a notebook and start writing all my thoughts down. Don't worry about punctuation or paragraphs, or anything, just start writing everything that comes to your head. When I am done writing I feel a bit better, then I will either burn or shred the pages. This is kind of a "cleansing" thing I do, it gets rid of all the negative stuff, or at least takes the sharp edges off so that I can then deal with stuff better. Talking to someone you trust COMPLETELY is the best solution though. It can help just to let it all out. Crying is a good thing, it cleanses all the hurt from your soul.
Take care of you Kylie. Simtusie
Thanks just for being there! Susie
well the other say i just let alot of it out and started crying to my mum. It's hard to share my problems with alot of my family because most of them are kinda mean. But I'm okay with my mum sorta. Except when I just started crying and stuff she just got mad at me and blamed everything on me. She does this lovely guilt trip thing where she goes 'dont worry im going to die soon anyway and your life will be much better off without me' another one of her favourites is 'you love (insert random family member's name here) more than me, maybe you should go and live with them, don't worry when i die you can live with them and have the time of your life'. She has done this my whole life, whenever i try and talk about my problems with her she blames it on herself saying she is a bad mother because i'm unhappy, then gives me a guilt trip about it. I never understand her, one minute she is caring and the next she is just horrible. By the way she isn't dying, although when i was younger i actually thought she was because she just let me think that. I didn't though because for some unknown reason I love her. Everyone in my family who is actually nice seems to die. And don't worry I would never kill myself because my dad would go to my funeral and act like he actually loved me and cared about me and the thought of it just makes me sick.
Hey Kylie- sorry no response in so long, I have been really going through some stuff physically myself lately. I hope you are doing ok. I don't know you, but I do worry about you. How old are you? Do you know anything about how your mums life was when she was growing up? How did her parents relate to her? It sounds like she may have come from an emotionally (or even physically) abusive childhood. The behavior she has now toward you may be the only way she knows to relate to you. Would she get angry if you suggested you go to counseling together? It is something to seriously think about.
good luck to you! I am sending positive thought your way!!
Thanks just for being there! Susie