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Old 03-26-2003, 03:51 PM   #1
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Unhappy my problems with women

I am an 18 year old freshman at Illinois State University. I am 6'2" with brownish blond hair, and blue eyes. I have never had a girlfriend in my life, well actually i had a make out partner for 2 weeks, but that doesnt count. In high school i never got to go to a dance with a girl. I did build up myself to ask a girl at the start of my junior year to Homecoming, she said yes, but then proceeded to say no to me like two weeks later. It was getting pretty bad, so i decided to ask 2 freshman girls to homecoming my senior year, but was rejected. I knew that i would not get a girl to go to prom with me and it wasn't looking good. I am in Boy Scouts and i am friends with the District Executive, well he had a freshman daughter. I got the phone number for his house and i got her to go to prom with me, sounds good right, how about no, she had a b/f. I am such a loser. So i get to Illinois State 5:3 girl:guy ratio, good odds huh? I try being the nice guy, i chat with the girls, i get them to laugh, the say that i am a cool guy and that i am funny. Those are good words to hear from girls right, not in my situation. So, for the first 3-4 months i walked some girls back to their dorms and chatted with them on the way back and not hitting on them at all. I found out that they all have b/f. So now here it is second semester at Illinois State and now here are all of the girls that i find, those that have b/f or girls that are 2 years older than me. That doesnt help me either. And i have heard the statement "you'll get one eventually" so many times i am going to shoot the next girl that tells me that. Oh yeah, so i complained so much that my friend from my church back home, who goes here and has a g/f decided to finally try to talk to me about my problem. He says that i shouldnt be too open. Oh yeah, did i forget to mention that my 2 best friends from home, my roommate, and my brother all have g/f's. Oh yeah and how about this, i just found out that one of my friends from home just got asked to prom.

Please help the unfortunant........

 
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Old 03-27-2003, 01:17 PM   #2
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does anyone have a clue of what i should do?

 
Old 03-27-2003, 08:19 PM   #3
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i'm gonna stir up so much controversy now, but, my opinion is;
you're too nice!
i'm pushing 30 now, and when i was that age i had sooo many male friends with that problem. i was a guilty party too, i was friends ONLY with these lovely, kind, considerate guys, and dated the "bad boys"!.
my best friend, a guy, was hanging out with us girls, and we were telling him, "you're wonderful, any girl would be lucky to have you", and he turned around and snapped, "if one more woman tells me that she values my friendship...".
we were dumb, we grow out of it. i married my best friend.
so you have a choice, be a friend, be available and kind, and don't be boyfriend material. you'll end up with girls who find you too valuable to risk your friendship by dating, and who already have boyfriends. OR,
hang out with the guys a little more, be a little more distant, be a bit more pro-active, DON'T allow yourself to become "one of the girls". and save more of your wonderful empathy for a girl who's gonna offer something back.
oh baby, i bet you're the guy whose shoulder they cry on, when some guy's done them wrong!
keep working on talking to girls, but keep it light, mildly flirty, you get too deep and you'll be that "friend" again.
and lastly and most importantly:
CHILL OUT.
women can smell desperation, if you come off as wanting a girl too much, we'll run for the hills!
it's so unfair but so true, relationships rarely come along unless you stop looking for one.

 
Old 03-27-2003, 10:03 PM   #4
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Magikchris17 HB User
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Dude, I am currently a 16 year year old junior in high school and I have those exact same problems bro, but I never asked a girl out because I am to damn shy. I wish I had the guts but if girls dont want to pay attention to me, so be it. Screw them all. I am 6'3, with blue eyes and brown hair also. I dont get it, girls say im funny and handsome...and have sexy eyes..I dont understand it..so I say in my mind every girl is just a **** and I go on day after day happy.

 
Old 03-27-2003, 10:49 PM   #5
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im female and a teenager and id have to agree with lilihob. You sound like one of those guys I go to talk to about my guy problems because you will always say the sweetest nicest reassuring things. You say everything our female friends say, except it makes you feel good when guys say those things. It wouldn't matter if ur the sweetest cutest person alive, most girls want a guy who (i cant believe im saying this) is a bit of a jerk. I guess alot of girls arent in to all the sweet romantic stuff as much as you may think

 
Old 03-31-2003, 01:30 PM   #6
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I think that you need to stop chasing girls and just forget about whether you have a g/f or not!!! You shouldn't act so desprerate or they wont want to be your g/f. If you wait the right girl will come, i hope!!

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Old 03-31-2003, 02:48 PM   #7
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theodicy4 HB User
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well you see, at this moment in my life i have waited 6 years and i am in college at this point in my life there is only thing that i am looking for a relationship that may one day progress into marriage, i am not doing the high school date job. this one is kinda more serious

 
Old 03-31-2003, 02:50 PM   #8
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but then you see there is a problem i dont know what i am doing b/c i have never been in a relationship so i do know how to get into one and well maybe the girl that i am suppose to find is going to be like the 2nd one not the 1st one and i cant even get to the first one??????

 
Old 03-31-2003, 05:17 PM   #9
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i understand that you're looking for the "one".
but if you go into the dating game,(and it really is a game!), with those kind of expectations, you're going to scare girls off.
the odds of her being the 1st girl you date
are very slim.
observe your more extrovert single guy-friends with women. watch the way they go up to single girls and flirt.
i feel you need the practice of talking to women in a man/woman way,(not "just friends"!),before you start looking for miss right.
perhaps you need to join a few college societies. drama clubs always need backstage people and it's a GREAT way to meet single girls.
you might even consider a dating agency.
i know you feel like you're being left behind in the romance stakes, but trust me, if you go into it with self-confidence, a girl will be delighted to "show you the ropes".
also, you need to be more flexible, 2 years older is not too bad!
find out if a girl has a boyfriend early on, if she's got a guy, she would be only too happy to tell you, and you won't waste your time!

 
Old 03-31-2003, 11:08 PM   #10
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well you are right. i know that i have to "play the game" for a bit, but you see, i am unable to "play the game" because i am "riding the pine" and "the coach" is a dumbass and wont let me play. And the thing is that the guy friend that i am around are mostly single, but i havent known them for long since i have only been at school for 7 months. The guys that i know have or are just about to get one are "attracted to each other". you are right i need to practice with the "more than just friends area", but i still havent been able to get to that point. i know i have low self esteem, i do try. i guess i am not trying enough. also, i am trying to tell the girls that either have b/f's or are just friends that i am in need of help in this area. I did forget to tell you this. 2 girls that i met at church have been trying to help me off and on, in something that we call Girls 101. What i want is for those girls to set me up with someone, but that hasnt happened. It is the same problem that i had when i was younger i was afraid of girls and at dances i would just walk around, that was probably thanks to being homeschooled till freshman year of high school. At homecoming i found a guy that i had met earlier that year when i was an umpire and he was also one. Well, it just so happens that i told him my problem that i couldnt dance with women. Well he found a girl for me to dance with and from then on i can dance with any girl. So if i get one chance. In which i am set up or something. I think i can do a good job from then on.

 
Old 03-31-2003, 11:13 PM   #11
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I think i know where my low self esteem may have come from. From age 7 till 18 I played baseball. I only had 3 winning seasons. So pretty much, what was the point in hoping for a win when in the end our team was going to lose. Ok so i was addicted to baseball, i know it is just a game, but when i was younger it was my life.

 
Old 04-01-2003, 12:19 PM   #12
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hey guy! i know i would be stupid if i said wait and something will happen. Your probably a lot like me. Your sick of waiting and you want things to happen and when they dont you think very low of yourself.So to not disappoint you, i will give you two answers. One you wont want to hear, and they other...take it as you want to. First off. The bad part. You should just wait. I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. Maybe someone is up there lookin out for you and has this perfect girl that is waiting for you.Also dont you think when you do find someone you will have a better appreciation for her? They say love comes when you least expect it. Another thing is, you go visit those girls that turned you down in a couple months or so. Do you honestly think they will be with the same person? The other thing i wanted to say was,if you get really desperate like me lol and want someone,go and do more things. Go places you would never think to go. I sit home most of the time and dont have anyone. You never know who you will find. I wouldnt change my personallity though. Someone mentioned that girls like bad guys. I think they are wrong. A lot of girls want a caring man. Guys who are "bad" are usually just that.I hope you got something out of what i just said. You sound like a genuine guy with a big heart, im sure that any girl that turns you down will regret it in the future. I wish you a lot of luck!!

 
Old 04-08-2003, 03:31 PM   #13
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I thought up this nice quote in between classes today.

I can get girls to like me, perhaps even love me, but I can't get a girl to go out with me.

 
Old 04-10-2003, 07:30 PM   #14
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My b/f says he's always kinda had that problem. he had one g/f but she dumped him...ON HIS BIRTHDAY!!! She said he was too nice, and just a friend, and everything. He was my best friend before we decided to become a couple, and it the coolest thing ever. We are planning on getting married..in the far future, lol. but still, we are perfect for each other, and like I said, My best friend. He's more of the "friend guy" type too, but I realized the "bad boys" just let me down..
In the long run, its better to be a nice guy.
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Old 04-25-2003, 11:55 PM   #15
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My current boyfriend sounds a lot like you. He was always the one that girls liked to talk to but never actually wanted to date. So there's hope for you. As for meeting girls, are there any on campus groups you could join? Groups associated with your major? Church groups? (if you go to one) Hang out with a wide variety of people. Try to make new friends and hang out with their groups. Until then, good luck, and hang in there.

 
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