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Old 06-21-2003, 11:18 PM   #1
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Post Is it normal to be this sensitive?

Here is a question:

Let's say your talking to your gf on the phone, and while you talk to her, she doesnt listen at all. She just continue's on her online chatting w/ other people. She just goes "uh-huh" "mm-hmm"..."uh-huh" etc etc. You just get teh feel that she is not listening to you.

As a boyfriend, should you be mad?? Is it normal for a boyfriend to feel kind of "upset/wierd" that she is not listening to you when you are talking on the phone?

I'm just wondering because it does kind of make me feel kind of wierd, but I am not sure if I"m just being too sensitivie. I mean, it's no big deal....but you know..............

 
Old 06-22-2003, 03:00 AM   #2
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I used to get like that with my gf, had been going out with her for about 18 months, and the danger is that when you have been going out with someone for a while you expect to sort of take over their life, and when they takl to other people instead of you, you think hang on a minute what's going on? My advice would be to mix your behaviour up a bit. It is good to keep people on their toes. When you're talking on the net, say that you have to go, dont say why necessarily, and you'll speak to her soon. If you do this it might make HER think about what YOU'RE doing, and wondering if you dont want to speak to her. Maybe then she will think about it and make more effort to be attentive in the future. I know from experience the worst thing anyone can do, male or female, is to hang to someone so tightly that if you're not talking to them or physically with them, you're at a loose end and dont know what to do. At this point the relationship is starting to rule your life because without that person you are bored. Don't spend as much time online, it gets into a bad habit. I would have 4 or 5 hour conversations on the net sometimes, and its not good for you to be that intense with someone. Learn to be your own best friend and happy with your own company because this will make you feel more secure. I suspect you wouldn't be bothered about her talking to other people 'instead' of you if you were 100% secure. Don't hang onto someone, live your own life. Partners come and go, the only thing hat you can be sure of is that you will always have yourself, so be a bit more selfish for a while, and try to adopt the attitude that if someone does not want you, then you do not need them. When things are meant to work out, they do. Honest.

 
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Old 06-22-2003, 07:44 AM   #3
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Quote:
I would have 4 or 5 hour conversations on the net sometimes, and its not good for you to be that intense with someone
woah... what?? why would you say that spending a 4 or 5 hour convo with someone would be bad? Why is it bad to have intense feelings about another?

First, the original poster didn't say how long he had been going out with this girl or how deep their relationship was. To be able to have a meaningful conversation with another person for 4 or 5 hours isn't bad, its pretty awesome. That's the way it started out with me and my fiancee, we would talk for hours and hours online at the start of our relationship when we couldn't see each other all the time.

I take what the original poster wrote in a different way. semidevil, the first thing you should ask yourself is how often does this happen.

If this was the first time in a 3 year relationship, then give her the benefit of the doubt. i.e. say her friend just found out a family member was ill, and she was trying to console her while talking to you at the same time. If one of her friends needed her then, you can't really blame her for being there for them, but to be fair to you if she did have a good excuse she should have explained to you what was going on.

However, if she does this all the time you need to talk to her and explain how you feel and why it bothers you. Its kind of inconsiderate to do, to only give half attention to anyone you're on the phone with (save a solicitor! haha). Some people don't mean anything by it at all though and don't see why it would be considered inconsiderate... some people just see it differently though. If she is one of those people who doesn't understand why its inconsiderate to you, instead of talking to her on the phone try to talk in person more instead, that may help.


 
Old 06-22-2003, 08:08 AM   #4
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this is actually just a 3 month relationship, but I felt that it is a really deep one...we don't see eachother that much, so we usually talk for hours on the phone at night(1-3 hours).

I really don't know how I am *suppose* to think. I'm trying to be a good bf, so I want to give her as much love as possible, but then again, I dont want to be the one that dosn't let her have her own space. To tell you guys the truth, I"m 20 years old, and she is my first GF, so I really don't know the definition of "space."

so I really don't know.......

[This message has been edited by semidevil (edited 06-22-2003).]

 
Old 06-22-2003, 08:51 AM   #5
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Aleii, being that intense with your first girlfriend is NOT all a good thing. The problem with first girlfriends is that people fall into the trap of thinking straight away yeah this is the person for me because they haven't know anything else. Stay open minded, there are millions of people out there. Being too intense with my first girlfriend cost me the relationship. Yes it seems great to be able to talk for that long, but one thing leads to another and you can become too reliant on each other. Of course having feelings for someone is a good thing, no one said it wasn't. It's a matter of keeping it all in perspective though. I suggest maybe you have a word with her, just explain what it is you're worried about. She will probably think it's quite sweet that you get worried, it won't be a problem at all. If she thinks anything of you she will take note and endeavour to change, and I'm sure that will be the case.

 
Old 06-22-2003, 01:28 PM   #6
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Jonesy, I'm sorry that you got deeply involved with a girl who didn't end up working out, but... just because something doesn't work out for you doesn't mean at all that it won't work out for everyone. I must still disagree with you.

The ability to have 4+ hour conversations is probably a sign of good communication which is pretty important for relationships. To become the best friend of your boyfriend/girlfriend is pretty amazing.

And just because someone is a first girlfriend/boyfriend does NOT mean that it means nothing or that its wrong to get too intense with them. If you honestly think first boyfriends/girlfriends won't ever go far, talk to my aunt, who is married over 30 years with her first boyfriend (his first girlfriend too), whom she started dating when she was 15. Or look at me, I'll be getting married to my first boyfriend next year. I have been pretty lucky to find my soulmate so quickly. Its just a matter of finding the person you are compatable with. That may be the first, the 3rd, the 8th, whatever.

Of course it is important to put everything in perspective. But to not let yourself get deeply involved with someone for fear that it won't work out, well, you could end up misssing out on a whole lot.

I am one who feels that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all. For those people who feel otherwise, its your perogative, but I feel sorry for what you miss out on.

 
Old 06-23-2003, 08:04 AM   #7
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I didn't say dont get intense i just said keep an open mind, especially after 3 months. I happen to agree with you on the last bit, better to have loved and lost etc. because even if it ends in tears it's a wonderful experience while it is happening.

 
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