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Old 04-26-2003, 05:08 PM   #1
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Unhappy I hate my dad, for no reason at all sad as it is!!

Ok... I'm not going to bad mouth my father or anything because he is really a nice man and all.The thing is I am (deleted) years old and we never really bonded with each other.He's always gone to work 5 days a week ever since I was a baby, 12 o clock pm in the evening to 11 pm at night.So I only really see him on Sundays basically.I just feel like he's never ever been that interested in me or whatever.When he is off... he's always lazy when he's home... I ask him does he want to go out to the movies or something or plays games and he's always like... I am too tired or maybe later and he'll never keep his promise.He used to do it when I was younger but I always had to pressure him and when we did do things... he never seemed interested anyway.Another thing that always nags me is that he criticizes me in every little thing I do & it always boils me up.He is just boring and sometimes I just wish I had a dad who was more active and more interesting I guess.He seems to have more fun when he's with the guys drinking & playing cards or whatever.I've always been close to my Mother & my sister but he just like isolates himself from everybody.So I always go to my older sister and my mother about things.I'm also gay and when my father heard he wasn't that pleased.. he wasn't like hate me angry... he was just sad about it and he hopes that it's a faze and it will go away.He just annoys me in everything that he does.. I've always felt this way and this is going to really sound bad but I like it better when he's at work.On sundays.. he comes into my room and nag me about I need to study or something.I've tried talking to him & stuff... but it just feels awkward & things never work.I feel really bad for feeling this way but I can't change it.

[This message has been edited by tntmod5 (edited 04-27-2003).]

 
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Old 04-26-2003, 06:14 PM   #2
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Hi- You shouldn't feel guilty for having some negative feelings about anyone, even a parent. It's sad that your Dad hasn't made himself more available, either physically or emotionally. As his kid, it's so hard not to take it personally.
BUT you said something really important that you should try and remind yourself about all the time.
You said: "HE ISOLATES HIMSELF FROM EVERYBODY".

So, it sounds like this is the kind of person he is..and it has nothing to do with you at all. Although I know, as kids, we seek validation from our folks all the time and when we don't get it, it is really painful and makes us question ourselves.

Presumably he is distant with your Mom and sister as well.
It's unfortunate but you obviously have to accept the fact that this is who he is. He himself probably grew up with a distant father. Or the love HE got as a kid was cold or unreliable in some way.
I'm sure he loves you in his own way, but he can't or won't show it.
Someone once asked: "What kind of father is it that can't relate to or be friends with his own kid?"

And the answer is: A father with limits.

 
Old 05-02-2003, 01:18 PM   #3
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WOW IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR ME TALKING!!!!! Im in the exact same situation. My father works from 2-12am 5-6 days a week. By the time I come home around quarter to 3, hes not there. He's never home. When he is, he just sits there, basically. My Mother and him have a good relationship, but then again, there are some really bad times and bad fights and it's really hard for me. Sometimes I feel hate towards my Father, complete hate. He'll yell at me and just never treat me like his daughter. I have a sister four yrs older who's turning 20 this summer, all I feel..and this isn't recent either, is that he loves her more than me. I have no communication with him other than when he wants me to get him food or do something for him. He just sits there while people do things for him. I love him to death and I would be in the streets without him, but I have no connection with him. Iv kind of just ignored it, I feel like he hates me, but Iv just gotten used to it. I dont know if this helps, me telling you my side of the story but at least maybe you can see a different view in the same situation. Thing is, my sis just got engaged to this boy she's known for two yrs, religion wise we cant date and arent even supposed to talk to guys (but how can this NOT happen, right?) but i already know (and my Father thinks I dont know) that he wants me to marry my own cousin, my cousin! Of course I dont plan on it at all and will never change my mind..but it gets me thinking all the time "Why? Why can my sis marry whoever the hell he wants but he wants me to marry my first cousin and thinks he can get away with it" I guess I just igonore these things because with my Father, you cant change him, you just cant. He'll be like that forever, what do you expect from a guy who's father married twice at once (out of country) and had a crazy temper? I dunno man. I hope I helped just by telling you my story. Maybe we can keep in touch Contact me at (deleted) thanks for reading, later homies

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[This message has been edited by tntmod5 (edited 05-02-2003).]

 
Old 05-02-2003, 11:26 PM   #4
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I am the same way but towards my step-father. We haven't had a conversation in about 2-3 years. I just say "hi" and "bye". He never really did have those parental instincts and he always criticized me too. If we weren't talking about sports then we would be arguing. We are nothing alike except for being sports fans. But I noticed since I blocked him out of my life that I've kind of blocked out every other male adult figure. I just have have so much resentment towards him that I kind of project that resentment onto other adult males. My step-dad is such a hypocrite too. He always use to get on me about not making sacrifices for school but he never even made sacrifices for his own marriage. He's the type of person that comes off as a nice guy on the streets and around friends or strangers but at home he's a real jerk. Whenever he walks by me he just rubs off static and I get ****** off. I have noticed that since I stopped talking to him that he has become more humble. He's probably realizing what a jerk he was. Maybe this is what he needed.

 
Old 05-03-2003, 02:46 PM   #5
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You should leard to live for yourself. If you continue as you are now you will be blaming your father for every negative thing in your life.

He is disapointed in your sexual life & his loss of imortality in continuing the male line of his family.

Start today in taking responsibility for each & every choice that you take. Do not blame anything on your father , mother, or sister. YOU and only you are responsible for your actions.

I have been on my own since I was 14, my failures & successes are mine.

Good luck,

G

 
Old 05-05-2003, 01:43 AM   #6
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As a parent - the sad thing is going to be that your father will realize to late that he lost a chance to develope a wonderful relationship with his child. However don't always hold it against him. I find now as an adult I have a better realationship with both my parents. So for both your sakes don't completely close the door on him.

 
Old 06-20-2003, 05:38 PM   #7
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I feel the same way about my dad. When I was younger he just wasn't there. We never did stuff and when I had the choice I would always go with my mom. I didn't feel like I knew him or anything. He was a pastor so he was always at the church and we lived in a small town so I was always in the spotlight being the "preacher's kid" and all so I held that against him too. I feel like he always puts me down or finds something wrong with what I am doing or not doing. He always yells at me to clean my room and not talk on the phone so much but then he wonders why I don't ever want to be home. When he gets mad at me I get mad back and I yell back and he hates that. He used to play around with us like hitting us and stuff but one day I hit back and I wasn't trying to hurt him just tryig to get him to stop bugging me and he hasn't done that with me since, I think I really hit him hard without realizing it. But I have a huge big bad memory of when I was like 4 or 5 and I thought he was cheating on my mom, tho I have nmo proof he was and she never said he was or did. But now that I am 18 he still tries to control everything and tells me I can't do stuff just because he said. But I think my mom is talking to him and telling that that reason isn't good enough anymore and if he pisses me off enough I can just move out. He doesn't work nites anymore but sometimes I wish he did. This past year he started teaching Kindergarten and he has changed somewhat. I guess he sees now the difference between me and his 5 year old students. The last time we kind of did stuff and hung out I was 5 so I guess he still saw me as 5 and wanted me to be 5. But hopefully things will get better for you and I. I think when they realize you're growing up is the hardest time because they don't want you to. They still want "because I said so" to be a good enough reason...

 
Old 06-22-2003, 11:03 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by Scorpio8647:
Ok... I'm not going to bad mouth my father or anything because he is really a nice man and all.The thing is I am (deleted) years old and we never really bonded with each other.He's always gone to work 5 days a week ever since I was a baby, 12 o clock pm in the evening to 11 pm at night.So I only really see him on Sundays basically.I just feel like he's never ever been that interested in me or whatever.When he is off... he's always lazy when he's home... I ask him does he want to go out to the movies or something or plays games and he's always like... I am too tired or maybe later and he'll never keep his promise.He used to do it when I was younger but I always had to pressure him and when we did do things... he never seemed interested anyway.Another thing that always nags me is that he criticizes me in every little thing I do & it always boils me up.He is just boring and sometimes I just wish I had a dad who was more active and more interesting I guess.He seems to have more fun when he's with the guys drinking & playing cards or whatever.I've always been close to my Mother & my sister but he just like isolates himself from everybody.So I always go to my older sister and my mother about things.I'm also gay and when my father heard he wasn't that pleased.. he wasn't like hate me angry... he was just sad about it and he hopes that it's a faze and it will go away.He just annoys me in everything that he does.. I've always felt this way and this is going to really sound bad but I like it better when he's at work.On sundays.. he comes into my room and nag me about I need to study or something.I've tried talking to him & stuff... but it just feels awkward & things never work.I feel really bad for feeling this way but I can't change it.

[This message has been edited by tntmod5 (edited 04-27-2003).]
i'm guessing you don't have a job, and even if u did, i doubt it would be as demanding as the one your dad seems to have. if you can't understand why he's tired or lazy when he has a day off after working 11 hour days 5 days a week to keep food in your stomach and clothes on you and have a house for you then you need to wake up, cuz life isn't all about playing and having a good time. basically what your saying is your dad is a bad person for caring enough to work those 11 hour days so he can give you the necessities of life. shame on your dad! (sarcasm mode turned off)



[This message has been edited by rock'n'roll (edited 06-23-2003).]
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Old 06-23-2003, 03:22 PM   #9
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I think rocknroll is being a little harsh. She is not asking her Dad to spend all his free time with her - just for him to show a little love every once in a while. Is it too much to expect a father to take his daughter to a movie a couple of times a year? He has time to drink with his friends, why not time to do something with his daughter?

But, it is natural for teens to begin finding faults with their parents. If children loved home and parents, they would never leave to go out on their own, so conflict is normal.

All I can suggest is for her to approch her Dad and say that she realizes that she will be going away to college in a few years and leaving home, and that she would like to have some memories of doing things with her Dad before then. Hopefully, he will start to realize his little girl won't be around forever and he will make at least a small effort to spend some time with her. If he doesn't, well, that will be too bad - he will probably regret it some day. As was said, don't take his rejection of you as personal. It is not your fault, and don't let his own life's difficulties prevent you from achieving your goals. That said, maybe one way you can approach him is to ask him about his life and find out why he has to work so much. If you can get him to open up to you, things might improve.

 
Old 06-23-2003, 10:35 PM   #10
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It's weird, but i feel EXACTLY the same way you do....my father is ALWAYS yelling at me for one thing or another. he only likes my brother and mom and thats it. i dont think we have had a REAL conversation in years. he liked me when i was little and i couldnt talk back to him. I dont mean to be disrespectful to him but his CONSTANT yelling just sets me off. I've gotten to the point where I dont care anymore...he hates me and thats the end of it. i dont try anymore....its not lke i dwell on it or anything, but just reading your story (thingy, idk what you call it) has made me realize that im not the only one this happens to, because all of my friends have great relationships with their dad but me...so thank you for making me feel better even if thats not what you ment to do! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/redface.gif)

 
Old 06-23-2003, 11:27 PM   #11
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omg you guys sound just like me i mean me and my dad use to get along really really well i mean me and him were like bestfriends, i told him alot of stuff that i didnt tell almost anyone else, then he started his own bussiness and he became busy all the time so i got closer to my mom and like stopped almost all talking with him and he gets really mad when me and my mom are talking and he dosnt know whats going on because he dosnt know anything cuz hes so busy cuz his bussniess failed and he had to get a new job and he trys to get into my life and everything but i get soooo angry at him anytime he makes a single remark about anything hes always trying to critize me and everything i do he loves to joke around and thats pretty much the only way he talks to me as if hes joking so i never know when hes being serious unless hes screaming at me or hitting me when were fight or as he says it is play fighting i feel like hes trying to make me the perfect child becuase my little brother is mentaly challanged and im so far from perfect and we always fight i mean i can say hey to him when he walks in from work and he will yell at me for being on the phone for like 10 min or i didnt turn off a light or he will complain about how hes tired and dosnt want to talk and im just trying to be nice so then i go to my room to be left alone and he comes in being nosey trying to go though my stuff seeing if im doing stuff or talking to ppl i shouldnt be or something like he dosnt trust me and it drives me nuts that im not trusted i have NEVER EVER done anything to make him not trust me and i cant figure out what to do like tell him to back off and like chill out or something i mean hes like always trying to get into my bussiness and things and i just dont want to talk to him about it but im afriad if i tell him that then i would hurt him and i dont want to hurt him even though at times i feel like i just want to run away to get away from him cuz i get so ticked at him i dunno but i know where your coming from sorry so long lol and it didnt help much but yea *sarah*

 
Old 08-04-2004, 03:23 PM   #12
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Re: I hate my dad, for no reason at all sad as it is!!

hey gurl i am kinda like that but the thing is my dad hates me he dosen't no me and he thinks i am a ***** i don't no what to do i haven't talked to him and everytime i try he starts yelling at me but i need help could u please help me????

 
Old 08-04-2004, 06:23 PM   #13
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Re: I hate my dad, for no reason at all sad as it is!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistyrose
As a parent - the sad thing is going to be that your father will realize to late that he lost a chance to develope a wonderful relationship with his child. However don't always hold it against him. I find now as an adult I have a better realationship with both my parents. So for both your sakes don't completely close the door on him.
Well said... you took the words right out of my mouth!

 
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