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Old 07-05-2003, 11:50 AM   #1
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Samantha_Michelle HB User
Exclamation scared of being stalked - help!

Hi, I'm <deleted>, and it seems like ever since I've turned <deleted> I've had this problem. When I go to places like the grocery or Wal-Mart, every great once in a while I have this feeling I'm being stalked. Most of the time its not feeling, its FACT. For instance, once I was getting into my car, and walking across the parking lot from Wal-Mart I had been noticing a guy (looked about 20) looking at me, pointing, and talking with his friend. I didn't think a thing about it, I mean he could have been looking at someone behind me or anything, but then he walked my direction which was NOT the direction he had been going. As he got closer I noticed he had a camera around his neck and thought that was weird but went about my business. As I am getting in my car, he is a few cars down and blatantly looking my way, when he takes my picture?!?!? Okay this freaked me. And he darted off but keep watching me. At this point I just wanted to leave but I was getting a cold feeling in my gut. He walked to a spot where I HAD to drive past him but I didn't make eye contact. This just freaked me and I've had guys follow me through a store before and sometimes it scares me. What do I do? I mean I just couldn't believe this dude took my picture, and I know he did cause I saw the flash. Any help on what to do when you think your being stalked would help me alot. Thank you very much for listening...

[This message has been edited by tntmod5 (edited 07-06-2003).]

 
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Old 07-05-2003, 03:57 PM   #2
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Magnetic HB UserMagnetic HB User
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Men will sometimes go a little out of their way to see a attractive women. I admit to doubling back in a Walmart to get a second look at a beautiful woman, and lots of guys do this - it is harmless - and you should accept it as flatery. But, what you describe is behavior that has crossed the line and I can understand your concern. To deal with this, first consider how you were dressed. Were you dressed in a way that would attract a man's sexual attention? If so, tone it down next time. I think a lot of young ladies think they are dressing innocently and may not even be aware of their sexual power yet. So, rethink how you dress in public and the message you may be sending to men. Remember, you are a young woman now sending out sexual energy. Second, if you are becoming scared due to a man's attentions, try to find someone to help you. At Walmart, say, they have a security department. Go to customer service and tell them you are concerned and ask if someone could walk you to their car. Or, try to find a married couple, tell them your fear, and ask them if they could walk you to their car. Find somebody to be with to discourage any unwanted advances from the guy.

I think this particular boy was harmless and was obviously attracted to you, but you never know. You are wise to have a plan to deal with a situation should it turn ugly.

Oh, I might recommend you carry a can of mace in your purse, just in case.

 
Old 07-06-2003, 01:56 AM   #3
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toaskornottoask HB User
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Magnetic pretty much summed it up. As he said, what you wear can be a big thing for some guys to be attracted to you for. Next time this happens and you can't seem to find anyone to discourage him with, just get in your car and lock the doors and get out of there, and if for some odd reason they should follow you, drive around, find a crowded place and park, maybe stop by a police station etc., but do NOT go to a secluded place and do NOT go home, he will find out where you live. I may be scaring you by now, but just be safe.

 
Old 07-06-2003, 08:57 AM   #4
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Samantha_Michelle HB User
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Thanks for the replies and advice, I really appreciate it guys. Magnetic, you are right, I should just be taking most of this as flattery but there are a few times when I know it isn't flattery so your tips on what to do have really made me feel better. Why didn't I think of that? lol. I guess I'm just so independent that the thought of seeking help never entered my mind.

As for how I was dressed, I don't know if it would be considered something that would 'attract' a guy or not. It wasn't anything revealing, that's for sure. I've already learned not to wear stuff like that, but if I remember correctly I was wearing levi jeans and my favorite skyblue halter top - a modest halter top, only skin showing was my back, and my hair is very long so it covered most of it anyways. That's not very provoking, is it? I don't know.

I do know that the next time I visit that Wal-mart, (walmart is my least favortie store in the world, how fitting) I'm taking one of my tall, well-muscled guy friends along! Or better yet my police officer brother-in-law, but he lives in Ohio. Now I'm being paranoid lol. Thanks again guys.

 
Old 07-06-2003, 09:15 AM   #5
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DanaJ HB User
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Some very good points were brought up.

When I was around 18, I had moved 3,000 miles away to a major city (S.F.) by myself. I was always an independent person, adn I found myself walking through some not so nice city areas, in order to get places. I was approached many times, in many unpleasant ways, but I always carried pepper spray(mace) as added protection, which would allow me to get the upper hand in a good amount of cases. So, I too would advise you purchase some, if you haven't already. It's inexpensive and not only does it give you the protection, but it also allows your mind to ease some- you aren't totally helpless.
If you are alone in a parking lot, I'd also advise you park in a well lit, frequented place. The last thing you want to do is in a deserted area. If you're walking into the store, do as was suggested by walking with someone. If you feel funny asking, then walk close to them, preferably in front of them to lessen the chances of a reoccurance of what happened before.
It's always a good idea to have a buddy system, or at least have plans about what to do if you're faced with such situations again. It will/could mean a world of difference.
I know what it's like being stalked. Only my stalker is a single guy, and it's been ongoing for over 6 yrs now. Luckilly it's died down, but still.
I've also been chased by someone late at night, who decided to pull a road rage stunt on me. He chased me through a deserted, dark town, and continually attempted to ram my car with his huge truck. I was going about 70 just to keepa bout an inch distance between our cars. I was desperately trying to find a well lit place with some people around.... no luck, and the police station was pitch black. Eventually I lost him and I made it home.
People are crazy, so do all you can to protect yourself.
Do your parents know of what happened?

 
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