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Old 05-25-2003, 10:43 PM   #1
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QweenyBluEyes HB User
Post Why can't people actually do something for others!!

I always feel as though I have to work so hard to get what I want. I'm tired of fighting for it, why can't people just realize it on there own?? This goes with everyone, family, and friends. (Before you read this, you should know I am homeschooled)

My brother for one. He has his liscense and I don't, I'm not getting mine until I'm 18 which is in about 1 and 1/2 years. We both bought a monthly tanning membership, so we try to go as often as possible. Although I have to keep reminding him that we need to go tanning. Its been about 3 days since we haven't gone, and he hasn't said one word. So I guess its all up to me. ARGH.. I am not gonna lose my hard earned money because of him!

Then there's my parents. My dad I am not very close to, he was always "distant" from the kids. Although I love him to death, it is just strange when just he and I are together somewhere, whether it be in the car. My parents are never ones to get up and say "Hey, want to go to the mall today? Or do you want to go play tennis?" etc etc. If they ask me, its because its something they want to do, not something I want to do. They never try to have quality time with me! I always have to ask for them to take me somewhere. I've been trying to workout lately, and the only thing I can stick to is riding a bike 40 minutes a day. My parents don't exactly like the idea of me going alone on the bike, so my mother takes walks at the same time. But shes not always home, or shes busy. Having to depend on her, and the weather, its nearly impossible to get a day to go!! So I asked my parents if we could get a stationary bike at a thrift store or something. I've asked them many times and they still say no, for a reason I dont know why.

Then there is my "so called" best friend. Whenever she doesn't have a boyfriend, I talk to her every single day. But when she has a boyfriend, I talk to her about twice a month. I call her about every two weeks, and the only time she calls me is if she cant see her boyfriend that day, or she wants something, or me to go somewhere with her and her boyfriend. Its come to the point where she changed OUR plans, because her boyfriend ended up not being busy. Its rare to see her without her boyfriend, or to see her at all for that matter. Im tired of being the one to initiate the calls, or try to plan a time to get together. There is a thing we go to about once every year, and it is coming up this next weekend, I asked her if she knows if we are going or not, and she just says she doesn't know and changes the subject. I asked her about a month ago. And once more a couple weeks ago, since I haven't talked to her in a couple weeks. I don't even feel like I'm her friend anymore, I feel so deserted!

Actually I feel so left out from everyone... I just need someone to be there for me, someone who I don't have to tell them to do something, or ask them if they can hang out with me. I feel like I'm constantly doing things for others, I cook for my family, I help clean, I make my brothers lunch, or go shopping for him, or help him organize. I comfort my friend when shes depressed (although she never comes to me, she just tells me she doesn't want to talk to anyone but her boyfriend) and I don't change the subject. I've been told I'm a really nice, giving person... but why isn't anyone being that way to me? Why can't someone do something for me??

I'm sorry this is so long, I just needed to get some things out...
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Old 05-25-2003, 10:52 PM   #2
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toaskornottoask HB User
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Hey there,
First of all, I am sorry you have to feel this way, life can get very very stressful. I do know that you are a teenager and those years (that I am also in) can be very hard, but just hold on, you'll get through it all. It is good to vent like this, to let someone know how you feel. I had a friend that was always the one initiating plans and things like that, and one day he got fed up and just 'quit'. Once he stopped, everyone else was really forced to get things together, and it has stuck. You sound like you are a really nice person, and don't lose that! Maybe you should try telling your friend how her relationship is hurting the relation between you and her, who knows, maybe she doesn't even realize it. You should also at least try to talk to your mom about your 'freedoms'. Maybe if you sort of 'slack off' from your doing everything, they will be forced to do things themselves, but don't start being mean or anything, being nice is one of the best ways to keep friends and make new ones. You will feel better, I have a feeling that something tonight or today brought on this feeling and you just need to vent!

Hope that helped SOME

 
Old 05-25-2003, 11:15 PM   #3
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QweenyBluEyes HB User
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I have talked to my mom about having some freedom, or independance, but they just don't do anything about it. I have told her everything I just told you. At first they wouldn't let me go out biking at all, so we compromised and my mom walks. But it doesnt seem to be working very well.

I figured I'm not going to call my friend, and just wait for her to. If this next weekend passes up without her calling, or letting me know were going, I am not going to think anything of it, or let it hurt me. I am just going to say to myself I'm not going this year.

As for my brother, I don't think I'm going to quit reminding him since I payed good money, and I would like to get my money's worth, ya know?

I guess I have just been stressed about this for months now that its just really starting to get to me. I have become so stressed/depressed, that I find myself just starting to cry. I just talked to my friend's b/f and I asked him what time my friend is coming home from her memorial day weekend trip that I didn't know she had left (until he told me). And he said hes gonna meet her half way on the drive.. yada yada yada. That kinda hit home...

I feel like a spare tire with my friend, I am only used when I am needed, or its an emergency.
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Old 05-25-2003, 11:21 PM   #4
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Hi,
Well sorry again that you feel this way, and that it can be that stressful at times. You may love your best friend to death, but to me, she isn't being a very good friend at all. What is the point of a friend if you only talk to her 2 times a month and she only makes an effort when her "more important" boyfriend isn't available. Maybe it is time to start playing the field more with friends, kinda widen your horizons, are you still in school? If you are, what better place to make friends? As for your brotherm I understand about the money thing, I guess he just gets really busy. I got a membership to a fitness place for Christmas one year, and I used it at first, but then I got too busy or was just too tired to go, and my parents ended up cancelling it, I guess I am like your brother in that sense. Can you not go to the tanning place alone, and at least get your money's worth? You'll make it through, it's just a hard time, feel free to vent one here

 
Old 05-26-2003, 02:03 PM   #5
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ilaugh@myself.why HB User
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hmm
it doesn't sound like your parents give you much freedom.. you can't ride your bike alone? why not?

as for your brother, get on his case.. don't lose money 'cause of his laziness.. besides, you both got into the tanning thing together right?

and if your parents aren't good at spending time with you then make sure you're good at spending time with your parents.. let them know what things you have fun doing with them..

as for your best friend.. hm.. why don't you <deleted> at her and let her know she's neglecting you and if she considers you her best friend still..
it's common for women to put their friends 2nd to the boyfriend.. they're just not always good at dividing their time.. and right now a boyfriend might be giving her some type of attention she craves.. who knows? she still loves you..

i'm also homeschooled.. altho i'm officially done in june..
and you really have to go out and meet ppl to find the right personalities that can support you..

[This message has been edited by ilaugh@myself.why (edited 05-26-2003).]

[This message has been edited by tntmod5 (edited 05-26-2003).]

 
Old 05-26-2003, 05:48 PM   #6
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Join Date: Mar 2003
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QweenyBluEyes HB User
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My parents don't let me going out on my bike alone, because it's unsafe. They lectured me on things that could happen, although I told them that can happen anywhere. And their reply was, "Right, so you just gotta be cautious everywhere you go." hmm.. so be paranoid about everything? I see where they are coming from, and I know that they're just trying to protect me, but why cant they compromise to something that would actually work for me? Getting a stationary bike, for instance.

As for my brother, I finally got on his case today, I didn't "ask" him if I can make an appt. I simply TOLD him I was making an appt. and for him to be ready. So that all worked out and we will be leaving for our appt in about 20 min.

I have gotten on my friend's case about it, I even told her our friendship was over.. and that I can't be her best friend if she doesn't treat me like one. Although she always calls me her best friend. Then she called me up, from her boyfriends house, in tears! She says something, and hangs up. (Can't quite remember what it was..) I ended up feeling terrible and calling her back. Which was a bad idea, because it kinda turned the situation on me, and it was MY fault. I've been friends with her for 8 years, I cant give it up.. it just is too hard since I know her SO very well. I mean, down to the deepest darkest secrets.

The last time she broke up with her ex-b/f(who she went out with for nine months) she came to me, begging and pleading for me to forgive her that she ignored me. Also, she bought me things to make up for it. But that didn't help at all.
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Quitters always lose, and winners never give up.

 
Old 05-28-2003, 01:56 PM   #7
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ilaugh@myself.why HB User
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well then you better <deleted> at her a make her sit down for a big discussion with you..
if she's taking your friendship for granted you need to reestablish your need for it until you get thru to her..
orrr look for new friends.. which can be a huge pain in the arse but, it works..

and i think it's weird that you're that old and can't ride your bike on your own.. heh..

[This message has been edited by tntmod5 (edited 05-28-2003).]

 
Old 05-29-2003, 09:05 AM   #8
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blackmoon HB User
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Hey,
I know exactly how you feel. My sister won't ever do anything with me. My mom and dad are divorced, I feel like my dad talks to me because it's his 'job' and my mom won't ever do ANYTHING with me because she's too busy with her fiance and work. Most of my friends have got boyfriends and girlfriends and have stopped talking unless they get dumped or dump them. I even wanted a stationary bike and my mom wouldn't let me get one..hahaha. If you ever wanna talk just tell me and we can e-mail each other or something. I promise it gets easier with time. Sometimes I feel like doing this to everything http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/hammer.gif haha. Oh yeah I'm homeschooled too.

[This message has been edited by blackmoon (edited 05-29-2003).]

 
Old 05-29-2003, 09:35 AM   #9
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marycfindley HB User
Smile

it's the age, you are starting to think independently but you are not independent. there's so much to it but basically no one's family is perfect and later you will realize that we all had our ****ty end of the deal but we made it. at that age, there is nothing much you can really do but wait

 
Old 07-09-2003, 11:37 AM   #10
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JjW1 HB User
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by "tanning" i assume you mean tanning booth? that is NOT healthy for your skin. it increases the risk for skin cancer later in life. that is horrible.

 
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