I'm 16 and I have a huge problem with being by myself. I'm known in my school to carry on relationships that last a very long time. My last boyfriend and I were together for a year and 7 months and my boyfriend right now and I have been together for 9 months. When we first started dating everything was great, we had fun, and we did everything together. The past couple months now things have been really hard and we've been arguing constantly. I really care about him and I want to be with. I can't imagine being with anyone else other than him. He does a lot of hurtfull things to me that end up making me cry my self to sleep at night sometimes. When I ask him if he just wants to break up he says no, because he cares about me... But then why doesn't he try harder to make things work? He acts like he doesn't want to be together but then says he doesn't want to break up. He's going to be a senior next year and me a junior and he told me he's going to want to go out and party but he still wants to go out with me. I have no idea what to do. I just don't want us to break up.
I know exactly how you feel only me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 1/2 years. It's always easy for people, who have no idea what's it's like to care about someone but then cry yourself to sleep night, to say break up with them. I know it's hard because I have been in the same situation for almost 8 months. I don't really know what to say I just wanted to tell you I know how you feel.
Like whenever we fight.. and i know its not my fault i still go and apologize to him and all he says is whatever and i dont care. I feel like i do so much for him and even his friends think i do a lot for him. He acts like he doesnt appreciate it, but when i ask him he says he does. We don't spend a lot of time together anymore. Me and him both drive our own cars and we can pretty much see each other whenever we want. But all he ever wants to do is be with his friends. And he doesnt bring me along anymore because me and his best friend got in a fight and now his friend isnt talking to me anymore.
If he cares soo much about you, he should want to spend time with you. I never miss an oportunity to spend time with my GF, and I even ask her occassionaly, if I'm intruding on her life too much, as I don't want to take over her entire life.
You really should sit down and have a long discussion with him, and get him to talk about his true feelings for you, you don't want to continue this relationship any longer, if he doesn't feel the same way you do.
Its going to be hard, I know, I've been there, with girls who didn't quite want to spend soo much time with me.. and eventually while talking about it enough, stuff is said.. and things happen, but they always happen, for the best. I hope this helped... =/
Zoider - "It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole."
[This message has been edited by Zoider (edited 06-28-2003).]
Zoider - "It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole."
I have tryed to sit down and talk to him though. But he's always too busy to do so. And when we get the chance too talk i don't want to spoil a nice time together and bring it up because it'll bring up an argument. For instance... today we saw each other and we were i don't know... fooling around i guess you can say, but i felt so bad inside that after a while i started crying and would ask me what was wrong and i tryed telling him but he would just hug me and say it's okay mai... don't worry. But then all i can think about is that he might be using me for his fun and i'm gonna be crying that same night.
I don't want to sound ungratefull for your advice. It's just that I've tryed to start talking about it like you suggested and it only leads to arguments. I don't know what to do anymore, it seems like I tryed everything. and nothing works. But thanks for the advice, it's nice to know that there are good people who don't even know me but are still trying to help. u kno?
I've been with my girlfriend for 1 1/2 years now and yeah, just breaking up isn't a very happy thought. it doesn't even seem like a possibility. my girlfriend and i have been through a time like this and the way we solved it was this: she told me some of the things that i did that she couldn't stand and what she wanted to see me do about it. and then i told her some of the things that she did to make me sad also and what i wanted her to do about it to fix it. now none of this was in a mean way or anything but we just spent a whole night talking things over and by the end of the night we were both laughing and we felt really good about our relationship and we both did our best to do what the other one suggested. Being in a serious relationship takes teamwork. if one side isn't willing to be part of that then there is going to be fighting and crying and all sorts of bad things like that. that's where the relationships get bitter...but they can be fixed almost as easily as it was broken. as long as each side can compromise....none of that probably helped you at all but i wish the best of luck to you and your bf!
No, that did help... Ive done that before though, i told him all the things he could try to do for me that would make me happier and then i asked him what i could do for him to make him happier and he said i dont know! That just made things more difficult, and to top it all off he never did any of the things i asked him. All i asked was for him to show some appreciation once in a while and to show me he cared. He never does anything or says anything that shows he cared. I thought he would want to do something like that.
Now he told me he wanted space... We broke up last night because he said it was too much for him to be fighting ever night (for the last 2 months) But this is another thing im confused about now... He came over today and we went to the pool and layed out together and then we were watching tv and he started kissing me and then i started crying bc it hurts so much to have him do that and then at night when he calls he tells me he doesnt want to go out with me. He said he loves me today and that he cares so much about me and he really hopes that we can go back out when everything gets better. When i even try to bring things up he says lets not talk about it bc its only going to lead to an arguement and it'll ruin the day. I also asked him what he would say if someone asked him if he had a girlfriend or not and he said he doesnt know... I have no idea what else to do. I just know i really want to be with him and i would do absolutly anything to make things better again!!!!!
Not to be rude...but it seems to me that you have just gotten so used to being with him that you cant imagine yourself without him...even if it is healthier for you to distance yourself from him, at least for a month or so...i dont know the details of your relationship...maybe you will get back together, maybe you wont, but if he is making you this unhappy he isnt worth it, no one should EVER without exception make you feel like you are not good enough, because the truth is that you are! and if he makes you feel bad then he is just being a jerk...i hate to be ruse but he just is.
Hey..i know how you feel about that....my ex did that to me......im going to ask the same thing that Zoider
said and that is...."he acts like he doesn't want to spend time with you, is it just he acts that way? Or he actually doesn't spend time with you?".... and how does he treat you bad?? does he hit you.....well good luck to you......
I remember when I did this to a girl before, yes I know it was a pathetic thing to do and I am sorry i ever did it, but anyway...
I don't know why I did it, I think it was because of the power I had over her... Knowing whenever something happens she wouldn't do anything, "not break up" all she did was apologize for what she did, "which was nothing". I could actually go into detail with it all, but I don't like thinking about it since I was a *** and everything.
All I am saying is, show him that you are not going to stand for it, and try to do reverse psychology... When he says I don't care, say it back. Don't say sorry he will except that. Then again you will have to think what you are putting at risk "your relationship"...
Someone came to me once and said they wanted to kill theirself, i told him get a knife and do it... Basically she wanted pity, people to feel sorry for her. I didn't give that to her, sure there was a chance that should would take that knife and kill herself... I knew the limits of her and knew she didn't have it in her. Sometime you have to take risks, you should know your boyfriend well enough to do this...