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Old 07-24-2003, 11:58 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1
forget-me-not HB User
Unhappy Need advice about Boyfriend !! (please)

Well, hey. I was surfing the net and found this site so I guess it's fate.

My boyfriend of roughly 3 and a half years and I are deeply in love. We have great chemistry and we've been through it thick and thin and I trusted him...until recently. When we started dating oh-so-long ago, we made a pact. As long as we were in this relationship, neither of us would do drugs, drinking, or any 'extreme' matters that would make one worry about the other. It was simple for me because I didn't smoke, drink, do drugs, or anything of that nature. He, on the other hand, had quit pot a few months before so me and him could date. (He knew how I felt about pot, so he eliminated it) When we first started dating we were both young and very very immature. My eyes still wandered, a lot, and always saw the greener grass on the other side, therefore when he didn't meet my expectations after the first 6 months, we broke up on and off, partly because he was way too protective to the point he wouldn't let me leave the house. We both cheated on each other a few times ( not exactly cheated, we were separated both times, but we still talked and it still hurt each other ). Things went well for about three months, then I found out he was talking to my best friend behind my back. Everything blew up, my best friend 'left' him for his best friend. I forgave him and we got back together eventually and then stuff happened and we broke up again. I started dating his best friend after he broke up with my best friend.(with her permission, of course) In other words, it was a screwed up relationship at the time. After allllll of that mess was over and me and his friend broke up after a innocent week, we got back together. We started over basically because me and him both wanted to grow up from all of the childishness. We dated strong for two months without any complications. One day, out of the blue, he broke down and said he had been using pot since me and his friend had dated. First he only told me that he smoked it once. Then he led on to two or three times. Then he finally admitted that he would do it up to 6 or 7 times a day. I was literally shocked. I couldn't go to school for 4 days, It shocked me so bad. I wouldn't communicate with anyone or anything. I trusted him so much that I even overlooked the signs that he had been abusing it. He told me he quit, I didn't break up with him. It shocked me that he would break such a pact that he had made. Even after all of that crap I trusted him, which was probably the wrong thing. It took me awhile to learn to trust him again, but I did. Everything was going great, until recently, I realized that he wouldn't spend a cent on me and that he had started to act funny. Like he wasn't all there. He had become very selfish with his feelings, time, and money. I pointed this out to him and he just stayed quiet. I gave him time to 'change' or 'prove that he really wanted to be with me' and all he did was come up with excuses. One day he came over and really told me everything though, his feelings, his depression, his fear to show feeling, basically a bunch of problems wrapped in one human package. At the end I asked him if he was still doing pot. He got shaky and told me yes. I didn't know what to saw, I was flabbergasted. He say's he doesn't do it as often, but he still does. He knows how I feel about it, he knows it hurts me. I sort of forgot about it for some reason. Last night he asked to come over today and I said okay. I still love him with all my heart even after all this, we've tried dating other people, and it just doesn't work. I don't know if I should stick through it with him, or give up on trying. I need advice, because I am almost to my wit's end.

"A Relationship is like glass: It's better to leave it broken than to hurt yourself trying to piece it back together."

Sometimes it's hard not to take those words completely to heart.

My life: the soap opera.

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Old 07-25-2003, 01:14 AM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 67
the_beautiful_mistake HB User

I don't know, if you love him then stick through it, try to get him help thats if he wants it... Then again, he has lied to you on multiple accounts. If i were you I would say forget it and find someone new. Not just because of this, because you two seem not really right for each other. He seems more of a do what he wants kinda guy and hide the truth. Maybe its just what you wrote that makes me think this.
How long have you two actually been going out? I mean consistantly with out lying, cheating, anything.. Pure honesty and everything...

BEst of Luck.

Old 07-25-2003, 10:41 AM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: ahb jbjgb usa
Posts: 137
50000TearsIveCried HB User

I dunno, I feel bad for the guy. It's quite obvious it's tearing him up inside because he can't stop and he knows he's hurting u. Giving up an addiction is NOT easy. No matter how much he loves and depends on u his body depends on the drugs more. It sounds to me he's being genuine when he shows that he feels bad about the situation. I think you should sit him down, look him in the eyes, and tell him to look at his life and how bad the choice he is making is. Tell him a stupid roll of paper is breaking you two up and let him know how much it hurts that he needs a drug to make him feel good when he has u. Let him know he is going back to being childish the second he relies on a drug to make things better in life because one day it's gonna back fire. Get him help, or help him yourself. It's the only way to save ur relationship. Good luck hun, i hope it works out.

[This message has been edited by 50000TearsIveCried (edited 07-25-2003).]

Old 07-25-2003, 09:52 PM   #4
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 67
the_beautiful_mistake HB User

You know 50000 you are always got something to say after me... :-p you need your own post. jk

Old 07-25-2003, 10:04 PM   #5
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Tn
Posts: 7
ImaCuteMonkey86 HB User

NO NO NO NO NO! Do not go back to him. Not in a romantic relationship anyway. Be friends, stick by him and let him know you're there for him to help kick his habit. But do not go back to him again. Love or not, he's not trustable. Do not do it! please. My friend is in a relationship like this right now. And she has it in her mind that if she is with him he will quit, but she knows she won't be with him forever, and we both know when she leaves he will go back to his old habits, not to mention, he does drugs behind her back.
Please. Be smart. really think about everything before you make a decision.

We were all born to die. And before we die. We must choose sides. God's or Man's.
We were all born to die. And before we die. We must choose sides. God's or Man's.

Old 07-25-2003, 10:31 PM   #6
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: ahb jbjgb usa
Posts: 137
50000TearsIveCried HB User

ha TBM, u must hate me by now lol, IM SORRY!

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