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Old 01-17-2004, 09:59 AM   #1
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Unhappy Do you think this will work...

..In the long-run? I started dating this 19 year old when I was 16. I lost my virginity to him. About 6 months later, he broke up with me because he got into drugs and stuff and didn't want me to be around it. However, we still talked online. Few more months later, he started inviting me back over, so I went, and we continued to mess around.. we weren't dating though. I went on dates with other guys, and we would kiss, and he would be very jealous. The same with me with his relationships. On New Years 2003 he slept with someone. I was heartbroken. But I couldn't lose his friendship..

Now I'm 18 years old, he's 21, we have been best friends regardless ever since, and he asked me out about 4 months ago. I said Yes. I actually live with him now. I trust him. I love him sooo much. But everyday, every hour, I think about *It* and... I just want to know if the.. resentment will go away. It's been a year and a month since he slept with her.. and I can't get over it.

Will it go away? Should I stick with it? Because, even though I love him so much, I don't know If I can live with the pain.

Please, any advice.

 
Old 01-17-2004, 12:35 PM   #2
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TeTr01 HB User
Re: Do you think this will work...

If you TRUELY love him, then it should go away - if you are ok with it. You have to come to terms with the fact that you were not in a committed relationship at the time. You are hurt by his actions b/c you love him & have loved him sice you first got together when you were 16. He was your first love - that is hard to let go of. Believe me, I've been thru it with my BF. We got together at 16, lost our virginity to each other & were so in love - but we broke up at 18 & started seeing other ppl. We were totally jealous of each other's relationships even tho we KNEW that this is what we needed to be sure we loved each other & also to know that we COULD stand on our own 2 feet as apposed to being attached at the hip 24/7. I ended up getting preg by my ex, but left him when my daughter was 3 months old b/c I found out he was doing drugs behing my back. My BF & I got back together about a month later - that's love. He was able to accept my daugher & the fact that I had her with someone else b/c he loves me & wants to be with me... he also truely does love her & doesn't look at her as if she's not his. They are a part of each other's life. Thru our time apart (about a year & 4 months) we realized that we do love each other, that we do trust each other, that we can make this work - but it will take patience & yes we will still fight, but we have better communication now so we can be mature about things & disucss them rather then fight about them! We know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

So, I say YES you can get over this - if you want to. Just think of it this way, it's in the past & no matter how pi**ed you wanna get about it - you can't change what happened so why let it bother you now? Just STOP thinking about it. I mean, obviously I slept with someone else b/c I have a child with him - but my BF doesn't dwell on it b/c he doesn't wanna think about it, he doesn't wanna be reminded of it every day, he realizes that no matter what he CAN NOT CHANGE THE PAST, so he's not going to let it get him down. He has me now & he also has a daughter that loves him & looks up to him .

If you love this guy & you really want to be with him & you truely trust him... then let the past go b/c no matter what, he is with YOU now, not her or anyone else!!! Why let it bother you so much you know? Life has it's downs, it's not always easy to deal with thigs, esp when it hurts you - but you have to & you have to let it go. I am being honest here, so don't get mad: If you want to be mature about it, just let it go - that's all. Realize that EVERYONE has a past & every has done things they may end up regretting or not be so proud of - that's life, we are only human - not superhuman! If we realized the effect things would have on our lives before we did them, then there are some things we migh skip... but we don't have the ability to do that. Roll with the punches girl ! The only thing that will come of you dwelling on & thinking about this all the time is you putting your relationship with someone you say you love in jeopardy.

Oh & I hope the drugs are cut out of the picture now!!

Last edited by TeTr01; 01-17-2004 at 12:38 PM.

 
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Old 01-17-2004, 02:33 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2003
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Mystikins HB User
Re: Do you think this will work...

Quote:
Originally Posted by TeTr01
If you TRUELY love him, then it should go away - if you are ok with it. You have to come to terms with the fact that you were not in a committed relationship at the time. You are hurt by his actions b/c you love him & have loved him sice you first got together when you were 16. He was your first love - that is hard to let go of. Believe me, I've been thru it with my BF. We got together at 16, lost our virginity to each other & were so in love - but we broke up at 18 & started seeing other ppl. We were totally jealous of each other's relationships even tho we KNEW that this is what we needed to be sure we loved each other & also to know that we COULD stand on our own 2 feet as apposed to being attached at the hip 24/7. I ended up getting preg by my ex, but left him when my daughter was 3 months old b/c I found out he was doing drugs behing my back. My BF & I got back together about a month later - that's love. He was able to accept my daugher & the fact that I had her with someone else b/c he loves me & wants to be with me... he also truely does love her & doesn't look at her as if she's not his. They are a part of each other's life. Thru our time apart (about a year & 4 months) we realized that we do love each other, that we do trust each other, that we can make this work - but it will take patience & yes we will still fight, but we have better communication now so we can be mature about things & disucss them rather then fight about them! We know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

So, I say YES you can get over this - if you want to. Just think of it this way, it's in the past & no matter how pi**ed you wanna get about it - you can't change what happened so why let it bother you now? Just STOP thinking about it. I mean, obviously I slept with someone else b/c I have a child with him - but my BF doesn't dwell on it b/c he doesn't wanna think about it, he doesn't wanna be reminded of it every day, he realizes that no matter what he CAN NOT CHANGE THE PAST, so he's not going to let it get him down. He has me now & he also has a daughter that loves him & looks up to him .

If you love this guy & you really want to be with him & you truely trust him... then let the past go b/c no matter what, he is with YOU now, not her or anyone else!!! Why let it bother you so much you know? Life has it's downs, it's not always easy to deal with thigs, esp when it hurts you - but you have to & you have to let it go. I am being honest here, so don't get mad: If you want to be mature about it, just let it go - that's all. Realize that EVERYONE has a past & every has done things they may end up regretting or not be so proud of - that's life, we are only human - not superhuman! If we realized the effect things would have on our lives before we did them, then there are some things we migh skip... but we don't have the ability to do that. Roll with the punches girl ! The only thing that will come of you dwelling on & thinking about this all the time is you putting your relationship with someone you say you love in jeopardy.

Oh & I hope the drugs are cut out of the picture now!!

I wish I could stop thinking about it. I wish I could forget.... Most girls say they'd "wanna know" but in this case... I wish I woulda never known. Thanks for all the advice. I know I have to get past it, and I wouldn't end it no matter what people say anyways. Was just tryin to get some input, thanks again.

 
Old 01-19-2004, 12:12 PM   #4
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: MA
Posts: 522
TeTr01 HB User
Re: Do you think this will work...

You're welome & I totally understand where you are coming from. I am not as bad now b/c of all we have been thru - but I used to be an extremely jealous GF!! I used to hate the thought of him having a GF before me - even tho all they did was kiss! I hated seeing his ex at his football games (she was a cheerleader). I used to hate it when girls would talk to him, even tho they all knew he had a GF who he was happy with & they were just being friendly. When he started going out with that other girl after we broke up - I was so jealous, but yet when I started seeing my daughter's father, I saw he it made him feel. Ya know what? That's just what I needed b/c it made me realize that no one wants to think about their S/O with anyone else, or enjoying anyone else's company - they want to make sure that when they are talking to or with their S/O that they are totally satisfied & wouldn't EVER want anyone else. But you know something? If he loves you & wants to be with you, then I should hope that you would have nothing to worry about! I have learned a lot from my experiences & I hope that someday you are able to do the same .

Just remember, it's in the past & can't be changed no matter how much it bothers you! Also, I am the kind of person that would much rather know that something like this happened as well! I don't wanna walk around like a fool not knowing anything. But it's also good to know b/c you can talk out your feelings about the whole thing with him & maybe it would help you to get past it !

 
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