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Old 01-22-2004, 02:16 PM   #1
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akahoneypotqt HB User
13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

I'm hoping to get some opinons here. Not looking for judgement, just opinions! lol.. My daughter is 13. She has been begging for a tongue piercing and recently a marilyn monroe (where she had her mole). I have strictly stood my ground, and said NO. Not until she reaches 18. I have gave in on a few things. I let her go to the mall by herself w/her friends. I let her go to their house basically whenever she wants. I also let her go to the movies by herself w/her friends. I feel this is pretty free for a 13 year old. My daughter comes in from school every day and gets on the computer right away, god forbid if someone else is on it. If she isn't on the computer (aim instant messenger or msn instant messenger) then she's on the phone. She even had a boy call her from England! SAid he was a friend that she met through a friend. hmmm. Anyway,, The other day I found a photo that her friend took at school. My daughter had both her hands up and was flipping the bird double!. Smiling to beat the band, then when I walked up on her instant messaging with a friend her choice of words were along the lines of bi%ch and ***** this and that. I cannot believe this. I understand that when she isn't in my home, or she is at school/with friends she will behave however she will behave. I cannot control her when she isn't w/in my sight. But I feel this was very disrespectfull to me. It ticks me off that she doesn't think anything was wrong!. She says to me, 'WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I TRIED TO KILL ANYBODY". Yeah, she's right. She didnt try to kill anybody. To me it's a matter of respect, and her trying to push herself around, and do whatever she wants. Short of her body piercing she wants, this child pretty much gets and does what she wants. I try to compromise. I remember what it's like as a kid and your parents wouldn't let you do anything. Of course, I am trying to ruin her life on a daily basis. My question is how many of you think this behavior acceptable? How many teens do this? How many parents are accepting of this? I think I am too leniant to begin with. This really just ticks me off. I feel like this child is trying to rule this roost, and I"ve had it!. Comments are appreciated. Smart remarks are not.. lol.. Thanks..

 
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Old 01-22-2004, 02:30 PM   #2
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lilmissaim HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

hey... this is so normal. I am sixteen, and I waslike that, every kid swears, and now I do it less, but around 13 you are just being cool, not letting her get her tounge peirced is totally acceptable, and my parents let me do the same things as you are letting her, and not trying to sound like high and mighty, but I am a good kid, I have morals and I respect my parents, and I would do all those things, still thinking I respect my parents, just because she swears doesnt make her a bad person,a dn its so normal. If you just did a poll of who swore at 13 even 12 you would get probably above 75%
Dont worry shes growing up, hormones are swinging, and shes jsut finding her place in the world. It slows down
I have never swore infront of my parents, but boy did I swear on msn, I still swear, but not every other word.
Shes just trying to be cool
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Last edited by lilmissaim; 01-22-2004 at 02:30 PM.

 
Old 01-22-2004, 02:54 PM   #3
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Will M. HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

Don't control the words she says. If you don't want her to use those words around you that's fine, and just tell her that. If you don't like her saying those words at all then tough, she's still going to say them anyway, because this is the generation we live in and everyone uses those words, and you can't change it. I think getting a piercing--ecspecialy a touge ring--at the age of 13 is sorta...ew... This is something that I really think you should work on. Try not to sound too controling. Explain what could happen too her--diseases and other stuff.

 
Old 01-22-2004, 05:10 PM   #4
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akahoneypotqt HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Will M.
Don't control the words she says. If you don't want her to use those words around you that's fine, and just tell her that. If you don't like her saying those words at all then tough, she's still going to say them anyway, because this is the generation we live in and everyone uses those words, and you can't change it. I think getting a piercing--ecspecialy a touge ring--at the age of 13 is sorta...ew... This is something that I really think you should work on. Try not to sound too controling. Explain what could happen too her--diseases and other stuff.
I can't control what she says when she isn't w/me. In my home is different. I think it's more the matter of lack of respect. As far as "tough" about her using those words, no, I don't feel that way. I can teach her as best I can. I can teach her that she doesn't need to use that kind of language to speak her mind. Thanks for your opinion.

 
Old 01-22-2004, 05:18 PM   #5
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lifeguard03 HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

tounge ring at 13 is too young but if she still wants it a 16 then i feel she should be entitled to do it, i mean i was 16 when i got it done and my eyebrow and my parants did not want me to do it but i did anyway, i mean she will do it if she really does want to and the more u tell her no the more she will want it done. there are ways around the no one under 18 thing getting pierceings. she does not have too much freedom she seems like a normal 13 yr old

 
Old 01-22-2004, 05:34 PM   #6
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Vanshoes767 HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

Hey I'm 13 almost 14 and I think so far what your doing isn't to lienent. My mom let's me do the same amount of stuff as you do and Im on aim too. About the piercing I myself think u should let her because by thetime their going to stick it in her tongue she'll get scared. About the flipping the bird thing don't be suprised 90% of kids at school are like that b/c there not around thier parents!

 
Old 01-22-2004, 05:36 PM   #7
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Cindy20Stewart HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

WHEW! So there are other 13 year olds like that huh? lol I think it sounds like pretty normal behavior. I can remember having a SMART mouth on me when I was about that age so I try to not choke my daughter when she gets cute with me. I think the no "far out" piercing at 13 is a good thing. I don't even consider it an option for my daughter. She loves to aggravate me about it though. I think all in all she is a pretty good kid. I know that she cusses some when she is not around me (her brother has told onher ) I think for the most part we have some pretty normal kids. I don't agree with the being 16 - its okay thing. I think as long as I am paying the bills I can demand some little things - like no facial piercings. I have a tatoo myself and like I have told her, it wouldnt be fair of me to say NO TATOO when I have one HOWEVER I do reserve the right to say no tatoo until you are 18. That is our understand. (OH my! At least I hope it is!! I think it is, maybe, yeah yeah it is
I was wondering though, you said a couple of times that things are different at your house. Does your daughter split her time between your house and another? Just curious. I think that could possibly be some of the problem-especially if the "other house" doesn't set boundries.
Also, again, my opinion, I would try to cut down the computer time. From personal experience I say that - not judging at all. My d and her friend decided to go to CA (uh, we dont live there) to meet some boy the friend had met on the internet. They didnt get far bc DUH-WHAT is an emergency brake? (I can laugh now) Anyway after all of that I did some investigating. The boy they were going to meet didnt know my daughter, I spoke to him, but he did know the friend. I threatened my daughter with ever leaving the house again and made her give me the passwords and IDs of her and her friend. Honestly, my daughters IDs didnt have anything on the profiles and all of the names on there were people we know. The OTHER ids however were something to behold. On the screen name the friend used -even talk to talk to me she had some pretty vulgar stuff. So I know that was hers, the other ids had lots of people on there that were obviously met in a chat room or something...I think my daughter may have talked on those names at some points. Come to find out, all of the people on there thought the friend of my daughter (Skye as she affectionately called herself ??) was 17. I went through each and every name on that list and sent messages that "This id belongs to a 12 year old child and the account is being closed" Those people who were on line when I sent the message FREAKED OUT. The difference between the computer situation at our houses - the friend HAD computer and internet in her room, here the computer is in my bedroom and you has absolutely no privacy (you know how a parents room is!). Like I said, that is totally from personal experience. I thank God everyday that Oofus and Goofus didn't get out of the driveway. Hope my LONG reply makes you feel alittle better about your 13 year old - they are all MONSTERS!

 
Old 01-22-2004, 06:07 PM   #8
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crazybabe_2004 HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

it totally normal for her to act like that...trust me she could do ALOT worst then what she is doing just let her be a kid and learn from her mistakes

 
Old 01-22-2004, 08:07 PM   #9
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abbygirl3112 HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

yeah...i was pretty much like that at 13...except i didt want a peircing...maybe its because i think theyr ugly...but mostly its because my mom wouldnt even think about ti...shed think i was jokeing...the real question is--is she geting good grades adn are you proud of the person she is? becuase if so..then why stopwhat shes doing? from waht you say...she sounds pretty normal...i was even worse too...i started drinking at 13..so just be thankful shes not doing that....my advice is dont worry about it.....good luck

 
Old 01-22-2004, 08:17 PM   #10
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chrys HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

compromise with her a little on the peircing. (no to the real thing) but allow her to get one of those fake ones, unless she tells her friends its fake no one will ever know one way or the other. i have a fake belly button ring and no one knows its not real. i have also seen the magnetic tonge posts, and they look pretty real.. just a suggestion

 
Old 01-22-2004, 09:09 PM   #11
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chickadee99 HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

I personally don't think she should be getting a tongue ring. If she really wants it, she'll wait for it. I wouldn't want in the first place, though. Maybe both of you should look into all that is involved when getting and taking care of a tongue ring. How long is your tongue sore afterwards? Discuss how it may be hard to eat for a while. And what about kissing...(years from now, of course) ? What happens if you ever decide you don't want the ring anymore? Is there any special treatment or cleaning involved with having a tongue ring? And there is risk of infection, not to mention that it probably really hurts when you have it done. (At least I would think so.) Those are some things to think about...
As far as her cussing- well, I think she should have A LOT more respect for you than that. Maybe you should tell her how you think she is way too smart to be using that kind of language. Aren't there any better words she could be using? Does she really think she's going to impress anyone by using those words? Maybe she thinks it's a cool thing to do. I never did cuss, but I know I'm the minority.
And as far as her being on the computer a lot- well I can understand WHY she likes to be on the computer. It's fun, and she wants to talk to her friends-probably quite a few boys, too. But maybe you two can plan on spending some time together (just the two of you) on a regular basis. I know friends are important, but parents are very important as well. (That goes without saying. ) She may not actually feel like spending time with you; that's pretty typical at her age. Is there anything fun that she likes to do that maybe you would want to do also? If y'all can arrange that, maybe she'll start talking to you about school and friends, etc. I don't know, but hopefully so.

And finally, is there any family friend or relative (female) that is a little bit older than her, who she admires and will listen to? If you know of any level-headed teenage girl, it might be good if she talked to your daughter some and spent a little time with her. Just a thought...
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Old 01-23-2004, 10:27 AM   #12
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HoneyChild650 HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

As long as she isn't swearing to you, then I don't see what the big deal is. Everyone swears with their friends & on the computers. I'm 16, I know how it is. And I don't think you should cut her computer time. This is part of our generation, might not of been part of yours, but it is part of ours. It's just like talking on the phone. And I don't see what the big deal is if she talks to people she doesn't know, as long as she doesn't meet them in person. When I was 13, I would always go into chat rooms to find people I didn't know. But I never met them or gave them my phone number. I think as long as you don't meet them or give them your number, it's no big deal.
She's growing up, and this is what happens in your teen years. She can't be your "little girl" for the rest of her life! Let her grow up!
But I would say no on the piercing...for now

 
Old 01-23-2004, 11:05 PM   #13
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ferretlover20 HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

I think 17 or 18 for piercings is a good age, Im 20, & My parents didnt let me until I was 18 Then they sort of got over it... but 13?? I dont even know 15 or 16 yr olds with piercings except for ears...

 
Old 01-24-2004, 03:13 AM   #14
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ace_chick01 HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

You've got to realise that basically every teen will be very different when they're with their parents and friends. I think it's totally normal how your daughter is acting...she's growing up and being a teenager. It is a long stage but we get over it. I'm nearly 16 now and I haven't got a problem with what my parents consider respect.
You should however set ground rules and let her know exactly what you expect of her, and have consequences.
As for the tongue ring thing...I think if she still wants it at 16, let her get it. It's probably just a phase though. I've had stacks!

 
Old 01-24-2004, 05:26 AM   #15
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Atlantic Salmon HB User
Re: 13 yr old behavior.. I"m ticked!!

I think it's normal for this behaviour but I don't think it's acceptable! My sister is 16 and acts similar. Tattos and piercings generally aren't done until 16 or 18 without parental permission. I agree with cutting the computer hours down. Find some extra curricular activities for her to do- swimming, dance, photography, yoga... something you can do with her maybe. My sister is online about 6 hours a day and it's not doing her any good! I used to go online a lot but not into chats and stuff, and I never really had anything to hide from my parents. The language and behaviour is something that you can't control outside of your home but you can try influence her into using respect for others. Maybe have a chat with her friends' parents and let them know what's going on in school and online? If everyone cuts down on the computer time and has more time with respectful people, it might rub off onto them!

Hope the situation gets better! Remember not to yell if you get into a fight, keep level headed (it sets a good example).

A.S.

 
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