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Old 01-24-2004, 08:24 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2004
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jengisima HB User
thank you everyone! but one more question:

I just wanted to say thank you to the people who helped me with my dilemma. the situation has been somewhat resolved, or is on the track.
one thing i wanted to say to andrew:
yes, it is 16 over here... and i dont think it is gutless to tell the parents because its not like im telling on her for like beating me up or something; i would have been doing it for her benefit. Sarah openly admits that she gives in to boys too easily because she thinks theyll like her. telling her mom about the situation may have made her aware that sarah is not mature enough to date and that shes not confident in herself, because a confident girl wouldnt give a guy head to make him like her. fortunately, i didnt even have to tell her mom. heres wat happened:
sarah told her mom and her brother (she didnt know i told him) about it. she confessed and admitted that she gave in too easily. she realized she did something stupid and regrets it. of course, her mom freaked out, and now my boyfriend is spending some quality time with her being the "understanding brother" and telling her that she doesnt need to give into guys to make them like her, etc etc. i think i should have a lil talk with her, too, because were friends and she considers me to be kind of like her older sister (except we dont bicker and argue and hate each other, which is how i am with my older sister lol) alex said hed appreciate it if i talked to her cuz she listens to me more than him. but hes still going to say something. anyway, i just wanted to kinda summarize what im going to say, and see if you guys think its a good idea:

i was going to start with a confidence booster. i was going to state that for one, shes a gorgeous (very true), smart, funny, and nice girl and she doesnt need to give into guys to make them like her. if anything, guys should wanna give into her cuz shes better than all of the guys shes ever dated! and if she doesnt want to do something with a guy (or in this case, jaime) she should just say that she doesnt feel comfortable doing it anymore. she should tell jaime that she doesnt want to give him head anymore because it made her feel uncomfortable. if he truly cares about her, then he'll have no problem with it. sure, he might be a little dissapointed, but he'll realize that hes still with an amazing girl and thats more important than some extra fun. if it does make him mad and he gets angry or dumps her, than of course shes going to be upset but shell realize that she is better off without him because who wants to be a guy whos only likes you cuz youll give him head? she could do much better.
i was also going to tell her that she should have a serious talk with jaime, because it was completely wrong of him to tell people at school about what they did. i was going to give her the harsh truth that the rumors have spread all over the school, and virtually every junior and sophmore knows about it. i was going to say that in my understanding, boyfriends and girlfriends have boyfriend/girlfriend confidentiality, and shouldnt talk about personal things. it shows a complete lack of respect on his part for telling people, and that i would reccomend her rethinking the relationship (but i wouldnt say hes a total jerk or w/e because i know how people react when you say that and they just get angry). then id say that this guy is basically giving her a bad reputation at my school, and that no boyfriend should do that to their girlfriend.
lastly, i would talk about the whole "sexual" crap. i would say that if shes going to do this again in the future, she should make sure shes doing it with someone 1) who cares about her the way she cares about them 2) she can trust not to tell people 3)isnt pressuring her and its a mutual decision, so that shes not just doing it to make him happy, and 4)she knows well (as in, they have been dating for a longer amount of time). ill also reccommend to her to use a flavored condom next time just in case. then i was going to reiterate the part about her having to remember that her reputation is at stake anytime she does something sexual with someone, so she has to make sure that shes doing it with someone that she trusts and that shes READY. ill say not to beat herself up over the situation too much cuz everyone makes mistakes in their lives and u cant change the past so the best thing to do is move on and make sure that u make better decisions in the future and look out for yourself and do wats best for yourself. then ill reiterate her being gorgeous and all of that and how she doesnt need to satisify a man because tons of guys would love her for who she is so she doesnt need a man who just wants to use her.

ok sorry, that was really long.... but does that sound good? does it sound too preachy? I know im only 17 so I'm not an ever-so-wise adult, but I know that I am a lot more mature and knowledgable than her, considering i went through an unconfident stage myself (except i didn't give into guys or any of that). And i think it might be easier if she heard this stuff from a fellow teen rather than an adult, cuz with an adult its just embarrassing. am i right? does it sound good? any advice will help! i just want to make sure that I won't say anything that will upset her or give her wrong ideas... thanks for reading!

 
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