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Old 02-06-2004, 02:34 AM   #1
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Location: Murray, Utah,USA
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dollluvsjohn HB User
"Nazi" (no racism intended) mother? Or is this something else?

Hello-

First off let me apologize if I offended anyone with the NAZI comment. Once you read my post you may understand.

Five years ago my biological Parents got divorced and all the kids eventually moved in with my dad. My dad had an affair and since has married my step-mom (whom I now call mom, but thats another story!). I am 20 yrs old and when I used to live with my mom she did weid things like getting mad at me for not having my bed made the right way (she likes her sheets on the bottom and I like a blanket on me before my sheets.) any wya she would tear my bed apart while I was at school and then tell my Dad that I didnt make my bed in the morning. She did other things as well telling me that I was worthless and that I would never amount to anything. She would also call me a habitual liar, except she could never find anything I lied about. It would always come back as being the truth....

Anyway eventuallys he just kicked me out of the house. (literally, she packed all my stuff in boxes and put it on the curb with a note stating I was kicked out!) this all came about afte rI told her I was a 19 yr old girl who didnt need to be treated like I was 14 (her oldest son was 14 at the time and whatever I got to do she had to let him do and if she didnt think he was mature enough to do it then I couldnt either.... ) Anyway so I left and after a month I went to my dad's house and she begged me to come back and said she was sorry and htat she needed the help I had given. Well I might just have if I wasnt so happy where I was and if I hadnt met the best guy in the whole world that I was getting ready to move in with. Anyway so now the dillemma (sp?)

So this entire time I had a brother living there too who is two years younger than me. He was one of those divorced kids who couldnt decide where he wanted to live and so he moved back and forth between our biological mother and our dad. When he and my MOM would have fights he would go back to the BIO mom and then when he argued with her or saw that we were getting things he wasnt he would come back to my Dad's.

When he wasnt there my MOM and I didnt argue as much we actually were pretty good friends. Then when he moved in he took over a lot of stuff and so I got annoyed. Well my MOM thought I was just being a baby (they gave him my newly finished painted and carpeted room that I painted nad helped lay the carpet myself and even paid for extra things to go in it) and moved me into the toy room. (I had a bed and a dresser that acted as a wall separating the toys from my room!) Anyway I finally got upset when they gave him the car that I paid for the engine to be replaced and my mom and I had an argument. During all these arguments he would side with my MOM and would tell me I was a B**** and tell me I was wrong and threaten me, I think he did this becuase he wanted my MOM to like him more. Anyway finally when she kicked me out for the last time and I stayed things changed with her. She started asking me to tend my baby bro and even pays me good money for it. SO now we get along good.

Anyway, so about two months after I left my brother got in trouble for threatening and harassing the BIO mom's boyfriend (bf hit BIO and brother said he would kill him if he did it again) anyway he went to juvy (juvenile detention ) for 45 days and has been at my dads ever since. Well now my MOM has turned on him and is doing the same things to him as she did to me!! Except they are almost worse. I know she treated me like she did because she was trying to help me be a stronger person (I was way too dependant on other people and didnt know how to defend myself or stand up for what I wanted) but with him she does it because she doesnt like him. I mena she likes him enough but she doesnt want him around. The catch is that he is on probation until June and so she cant kick him out because he is in the custody of the State and the state says he has to stay with my dad until his six months of Probation is over. but they have theses sort of guide lines that state if he does something defiant or if he hurts anyone he has to go back to detention.

So she calls the cops at least twice a week because he is being defiant example of a reason she called: He was downstairs playing with the younger kids and two of them got in a fist fight so he got in between them and told them to go to separate corners of the room (info based on what he and the two kids have told me) well MOM came downstairs to see what was going on and when she was told that he stoppe dthem form fist fighting she told him he was abusing the children. He asked why becuase he stopped them from hurting each other? and she told him he was stupid and worthless and he looked at her and told her she was being dumb about the whole situation and so she turned around went upstairs and called the police and said that she had a defiant adolescent who was being violent and abusive to younger siblings.

Then two days later my bro came home feeling tired from school and went to bed and then got up later to go to scouts and forgot to re-make his bed. SO she went downstairs and pulled all his sheets and blankets off his bed and threw them out in the snow.

When he got home he had no blankets and asked her why they were in the snow. She just went off about how lazy he is and how he never does anything right and so he said you are right I am justa screw upi I will never be able to please your highness and so she called the police again.

He is now frustrated and doesnt know what to do. He isnt sure how to react to the things she is doing without her turning around and calling the police (in the probation stipulations it says she can call the police whenever she feels a threat)

i am just wondering if anyone has any solutions as to what I can say to him

DO you think I should try talking to my MOM or is that a bad idea?

My fiance calls her a nazi because she is anal about so many things ( no food more thna two feet away from the table, no tv until after six, no using more than one cup a day, no friends after six and no friends before she gets home ( she gets home at five thirty each night sometimes later) no phone calls after before six and no calls after eight and calls limited to five minutes, etc.)

I am just wonder if anyone has experienced this or has any suggestions thanks!!


SORRY SO LONG

EMTDOLLLUVSJOHN
__________________
He is my greatest adventure!

Last edited by emtdollluvsjohn; 02-06-2004 at 02:35 AM.

 
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Old 02-06-2004, 08:41 AM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: palm beach, florida
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lifeguard03 HB User
Re: "Nazi" (no racism intended) mother? Or is this something else?

have your bro go to a school councelur and tell the councelur what your mom is doing, and then he can tell the councelur about his probation and how your mom theats him by calling the poliace. then they will probly have a meeting with your mom and explain to her that what she is doing is wrong and so on.

 
Old 02-06-2004, 01:53 PM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Utah
Posts: 901
Angel77 HB User
Angry Re: "Nazi" (no racism intended) mother? Or is this something else?

Stay out of it on your mom's end. She's not stable and you don't need her turning on you too. This is how my mom was. She has favorites and is only capable of being nice to one at a time and treats the other like crap. You need to tell your bro to talk to his p.o. and tell them what's going on. He also needs to keep a little journal of what happens, who's present when it happens, the outcome, the verbal abuse, etc.....She's sick and needs help and she's goinog to waffle stomp this poor kid into the ground. But also know that once he's out of the pic, it will likely turn on one of the kids left at home.
They seem to do this because they have something so wrong in their life or something they hate about themselves that they exact revenge on a kid who is underserving. You may also want to talk to his p.o. yourself and tell him what you went through, what he's going through now and also talk privately to the police and let them know what's up. They may even be able to help document some of it if they're aware that this is the situation. Another option is he may want to call the cops himself on the sly and let them see for themselves what's happening.....like, next time he comes home and stuff is sitting in the snow, call them without her knowledge, don't clean up what she did and then let her explain. If he happens to be in the middle of a violent argument with her, he can call 911, leave the phone off the hook and let them record all of it while they are dispatching officers.
He may also want to talk to a school counselor or resource officer. They are not so blind as to believe her, nor do problem children come from a perfect home. They have problems for a reason and usually it's the parents.
He needs to quit keeping quiet when the cops are called and let them know what really happened and then they can question her as well and get the whole picture. She may eventually quit calling the cops because they will start viewing her as the problem.
This is how it was with my mom and counselors. She would take us to counselors because I was such a problem child that she didn't know what to do with me. After a few sessions of speaking with me alone, they saw through the perfect mom image she put out there and started to focus on her as the problem....that's when it was off to a knew counselor we would go. This continued until I moved out. I even called one counselor in tears because she said she was going to send me to a mental hospital so I'd never see my friends again and while I was on the phone leaving a message, she came in, I hid the phone and she began screaming at me and threatening me...that was all the counselor needed to hear!!!
This was during a time when I found happiness with my then boyfriend, now husband, and her newest hubby was drinking. He tried to go down my pants, would say how sexy I was...EVEN IN FRONT OF HER!!! She didn't find it odd and didn't try to protect me, she was jealous of me because she felt I was compitition!!! When it came out what he tried to do, she took me to the cops for the interview and told me that if I went through with it she would make sure that my life was all over the news papers for taking down a good man, she would make up lies that would make it so no one wanted to be around me and make my life a living hell!! She was dead serious and I was more afraid of her than I was of lying to the cops!! The detective knew I was full of it when I told him I was lying and tried to help me, but couldn't because I wasn't going to tell him under any circumstances because I still had to go back home with her!
Our relationship is still awful most of the time. I have put down my boundaries and will fight to the death if she tries jumping on them. She did it enough when I was growing up that she was not going to be given any opportunity to do it now.
She was admitted last year for a suicide attempt and detox, it was then they diagnosed her as bi-polar and started her on lithium. She did great for a few months and although still sick in the head, tried. After that she started drinking again, which especially on lithium is a no-no, and has brought back the vicious side, full force.
Your brother will make it, although he will pay a high price. You need to stand by his side through this and if you're prepared to take the wrath of your mom, by all means, defend him!! He needs it. If possible, petition the court for guardianship of him until he's an adult. You may have a good chance if you can prove you can care for him. You could also get him the counseling he needs and allow him to be around good role models.
This is a hard one with no real great answers. The biggest thing is, you can't fix your mom and you can't keep her from turning on you, but you can help your brother. Some people choose to remain sick even if they know there's help or flat out deny it all. They are fine, you are the problem and as long as they have somewhere to place the blame, life is out of their hands and control and they're not responsible for fixing it. She's sick, know this. It does no mean you can't love her, just means you also need to protect yourself and sometimes that means loving her from a distance.
I hope you can get a handle on this and are able to help....but I think your time is best spent speaking to the people she's trying to get him in trouble with and enlightening them as to what his reality is. They may not believe him, but they will almost certainly believe the both of you. Please take care and remember the only thing you can change is your reaction to the situation and the rest has to fall wherever it's going to. Step away, feel no guilt and be there for your brother and keep an eye on the others once he's out of the picture and no longer the scape goat.
You have my sincerest apologies, this situation stinks all the way around.

(((((((EMTDOLL))))))).........Angel
__________________
If you don't experience anything bad, you'll never appreciate the good when it comes around!!!

 
Old 02-07-2004, 09:23 AM   #4
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Murray, Utah,USA
Posts: 131
dollluvsjohn HB User
Re: "Nazi" (no racism intended) mother? Or is this something else?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel77
Stay out of it on your mom's end. She's not stable and you don't need her turning on you too. This is how my mom was. She has favorites and is only capable of being nice to one at a time and treats the other like crap. You need to tell your bro to talk to his p.o. and tell them what's going on. He also needs to keep a little journal of what happens, who's present when it happens, the outcome, the verbal abuse, etc.....She's sick and needs help and she's goinog to waffle stomp this poor kid into the ground. But also know that once he's out of the pic, it will likely turn on one of the kids left at home.
They seem to do this because they have something so wrong in their life or something they hate about themselves that they exact revenge on a kid who is underserving. You may also want to talk to his p.o. yourself and tell him what you went through, what he's going through now and also talk privately to the police and let them know what's up. They may even be able to help document some of it if they're aware that this is the situation. Another option is he may want to call the cops himself on the sly and let them see for themselves what's happening.....like, next time he comes home and stuff is sitting in the snow, call them without her knowledge, don't clean up what she did and then let her explain. If he happens to be in the middle of a violent argument with her, he can call 911, leave the phone off the hook and let them record all of it while they are dispatching officers.
He may also want to talk to a school counselor or resource officer. They are not so blind as to believe her, nor do problem children come from a perfect home. They have problems for a reason and usually it's the parents.
He needs to quit keeping quiet when the cops are called and let them know what really happened and then they can question her as well and get the whole picture. She may eventually quit calling the cops because they will start viewing her as the problem.
This is how it was with my mom and counselors. She would take us to counselors because I was such a problem child that she didn't know what to do with me. After a few sessions of speaking with me alone, they saw through the perfect mom image she put out there and started to focus on her as the problem....that's when it was off to a knew counselor we would go. This continued until I moved out. I even called one counselor in tears because she said she was going to send me to a mental hospital so I'd never see my friends again and while I was on the phone leaving a message, she came in, I hid the phone and she began screaming at me and threatening me...that was all the counselor needed to hear!!!
This was during a time when I found happiness with my then boyfriend, now husband, and her newest hubby was drinking. He tried to go down my pants, would say how sexy I was...EVEN IN FRONT OF HER!!! She didn't find it odd and didn't try to protect me, she was jealous of me because she felt I was compitition!!! When it came out what he tried to do, she took me to the cops for the interview and told me that if I went through with it she would make sure that my life was all over the news papers for taking down a good man, she would make up lies that would make it so no one wanted to be around me and make my life a living hell!! She was dead serious and I was more afraid of her than I was of lying to the cops!! The detective knew I was full of it when I told him I was lying and tried to help me, but couldn't because I wasn't going to tell him under any circumstances because I still had to go back home with her!
Our relationship is still awful most of the time. I have put down my boundaries and will fight to the death if she tries jumping on them. She did it enough when I was growing up that she was not going to be given any opportunity to do it now.
She was admitted last year for a suicide attempt and detox, it was then they diagnosed her as bi-polar and started her on lithium. She did great for a few months and although still sick in the head, tried. After that she started drinking again, which especially on lithium is a no-no, and has brought back the vicious side, full force.
Your brother will make it, although he will pay a high price. You need to stand by his side through this and if you're prepared to take the wrath of your mom, by all means, defend him!! He needs it. If possible, petition the court for guardianship of him until he's an adult. You may have a good chance if you can prove you can care for him. You could also get him the counseling he needs and allow him to be around good role models.
This is a hard one with no real great answers. The biggest thing is, you can't fix your mom and you can't keep her from turning on you, but you can help your brother. Some people choose to remain sick even if they know there's help or flat out deny it all. They are fine, you are the problem and as long as they have somewhere to place the blame, life is out of their hands and control and they're not responsible for fixing it. She's sick, know this. It does no mean you can't love her, just means you also need to protect yourself and sometimes that means loving her from a distance.
I hope you can get a handle on this and are able to help....but I think your time is best spent speaking to the people she's trying to get him in trouble with and enlightening them as to what his reality is. They may not believe him, but they will almost certainly believe the both of you. Please take care and remember the only thing you can change is your reaction to the situation and the rest has to fall wherever it's going to. Step away, feel no guilt and be there for your brother and keep an eye on the others once he's out of the picture and no longer the scape goat.
You have my sincerest apologies, this situation stinks all the way around.

(((((((EMTDOLL))))))).........Angel

Thanks angel it helps to know that others can share in this. My fiance and I decided that the next time my bro has a probation meeting we are going to go with him and talk to his PO we cant talk to the police because she works with them as a paramedic and so she is friends with all of them. There is only two who know whats REALLY going on and they have chosen to stay out of it!! As for school counsellors she has already been there and has told them everything bad about him that she could. Sometimes I wish I hadnt left because then I would be getting this treatment and not him. He is not the best behaved kid and does do things he shouldnt do but I still Love him and care about him and his happiness and what she is doing is tearing him down. He has always been the "BAD" child. With her and with our BIO mother. Our Bio mother used to blame him for everything that happened and abused him severely. Both physically and Emotionally. he hasnt had an easy or fair life and I want to give him the chance to be a better person.

Anymore suggestions on what to do would be very helpful!! What should he do while he is stuck there???
__________________
He is my greatest adventure!

 
Old 02-08-2004, 05:01 PM   #5
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sentedshowergel HB User
Re: "Nazi" (no racism intended) mother? Or is this something else?

your mom needs some help. I would say to help your bother out as much as you can while helping your mom out to. She probabley has some sort of reason why she is acting this way, maby you could figure it out.

 
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