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Old 02-15-2004, 12:08 AM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
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LuckyStar1 HB User
Thumbs down Help--I'll never understand the male species.

I would appreciate any advice/input with my situation....
I'll try to make this as short as possible.
So since the age of 12 (19 y/o currently) I have had a crush on my friend's cousin who is about 2 years older. Nothing ever happened b/t us--just the casual child flirting stuff. But thats it. Then just recently we ran into each other (its been years since I seen him last) and we immediately were attracted to one another and exhanged numbers. Well he called the very next day and we talked for 6 hours straight and talked for 5 hours the next night and the next night after that. I mean we were talking about everything and anything. I felt like I knew just about everything about him. I really thought this could turn into something seroius b/c I do no know any man who would engage in converation for 16 hours in 3 days with a female!! lol
I finally decided to hang out with him. And we again talked for hours. Just talked. No kissing or anything. Then I hung out with him a few more times and we did kiss/makeout. And talked some more. I mean I was really into him and I could tell he felt the same. He was so sweet and great, almost a dream come true. Then out of know where he stops calling. And doesn't pick up or call me back when I call him. So I don't hear from him for a week and I'm hurt ya know b/c I thought we had something going on.
Then after a week or so he calls asking why I haven't called him. (Which is completely absurd since I did call). I just think he didn't want me to be upset with him or something. I have no idea. So again we talk/hung out for hours.
Then all of a sudden he stops calling/talking to me again. I last spoke to him when I called him and he answered the phone and asked if he could call me back. And thats the last i've heard from him and i'm not going to call him again. I've done my part. It's been 3 weeks now and I'm already getting over him and all... but I just want to know WHY? WHY is he acting this way? if he doesn't want to see me anymore can't he just tell me????? I mean i'd appreciate to be told the truth than never knowing. Is he acting this way b/c he doesn't want to "get attached" (he is leaving to the East coast for school) or is he scared of commitment? I mean we were a perfect match and he knew it and he even told me. Was he lying? What's going on?
Yet a family friend did "warn me" about him but I refused to believe it b/c he seemed so genuine and sweet. I do not know what to think. And it's just bugging me that I don't know! I just want to know, that's all! I don't care if I ever see him again (i won't for a while b/c he is back East already I believe) I just want to know what is going through his mind! It is killing me! lol
Please help me interpret this man (or shall I say boy)?? thanx so much!!
Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow ~ Author uknown

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Old 02-15-2004, 01:37 AM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Western USA
Posts: 1,773
Ninispjc HB User
Re: Help--I'll never understand the male species.

"if he doesn't want to see me anymore can't he just tell me?????"

No. Let's face it, honesty is not a man's strong suite, especially a young, college-age man. It sounds to me like he found you attractive and enjoyed spending time with you, but not enough to consider you a serious relationship prospect. The whole "why haven't you called me?" thing is just his way of trying to deflect your attention from the fact that he hadn't called you. It's the same thing when guys decide they don't want to be with you anymore, but they don't have the guts to leave you, so they get mean and nasty, hyper-critical and emotionally distant, in the hopes you'll break up with them. They just have a difficult time being honest with what they're feeling. This is just my take on it, but I think men experience emotional discomfort the same way they experience physical discomfort. When a woman has an emotionally uncomfortable situation to deal with, we deal with it in a different way men do. Men look at being honest with negative feelings as if they are willfully putting their hand on a hot stove burner. Why would they want to deliberately place their hand on a hot burner? Then why would they deliberately have a truthful conversation with you that will feel as bad to them as putting their hand on a hot burner, when they can just avoid the truth and tell a little white lie like "so why didn't you call me? Oh, I didn't know you tried to call me, I was really busy but thinking of you and thinking you'd call me" instead of putting their hand on that burner and say "we had a really great time, but I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, and I think you're looking for something other than what I can give you right now." That's just how guys are. They hate to feel discomfort of any kind and will do just about anything to avoid it. Actor John Cusack said once in an interview that it annoys him when some women make an issue out of little things like "he pulled out my chair for me the first three dates, but tonight, he didn't. Does that mean he's taking me for granted already? Has he lost interest or is he just bored tonight, or is there something else????" He said "sometimes there's no reason why we moved the bread basket, sometimes we just move it." But women have to be that way with men. We have to learn to read between the lines because men aren't honest with what they're really feeling and thinking. My ex told me I changed his life for the better, being with me made him a better man and he was honored to be with me. One week later he left me, saying he thought he loved me but he was wrong, that we just weren't compatible, he was much more strictly Catholic than I was, he didn't believe in artificial birth control or altering your body in any way or using any device other than natural family planning for birth control, didn't believe in divorce or split families, living together outside of wedlock, premarital sex, and he couldn't compromise those values. Then a few months after he left me he shacked up with a freshly-divorced woman with three kids, one kid living with the ****** off ex husband who was trying to take away the other two, and tied tubes (VERY un-Catholic) and who was described to me by a mutual friend as "wild." Don't try to figure out why men can't be honest, it'll drive you crazy. Just accept the fact that no matter how sweet and attentive they may be when they're with you, if they ignore you for a week afterward, that's what you have to listen to much more than any sweet words he may have told you. Men's actions mean 100 times more than any words they say.

Last edited by Ninispjc; 02-15-2004 at 01:42 AM.

Old 02-15-2004, 10:58 AM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 147
LuckyStar1 HB User
Re: Help--I'll never understand the male species.

Ninispjc: Thanx for the incredible response... I believe what you said is absolutely true. I guess I just go face the fact that he wasn't interested in anything more, since he can't tell me lol Oh well... I'll be moving on! His loss, not time, right? Thanx again!
Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow ~ Author uknown

Old 02-16-2004, 11:50 AM   #4
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: NH
Posts: 490
supertrooper HB User
Re: Help--I'll never understand the male species.

What did your family friend "warn" you about? That he's a player? Or that he'a already involved with someone?

Thank your Lucky Star you didn't go any further with this guy. Men like him give the rest of us a bad name.
"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do." Dale Carnegie

Old 02-16-2004, 12:54 PM   #5
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: California
Posts: 147
LuckyStar1 HB User
Re: Help--I'll never understand the male species.

Supertrooper: the family friend (who is actually family to him and a close friend to me) warned me that he is a player. And I confronted him about it and he, of course, denied it. I actually regret not listening to the friend who warned me. Yet I was blind and thought that maybe he was wrong b/c I mean he was just too sweet! lol He really needs to get an Academy Award for his performance!!
And I'm glad to know that good men still exist in this world... even though I have yet to find one myself lol. This is actually the 2nd time this similar situation as happened. The other time the guy failed to tell me he had a child and stopped talking to me b/c, in his words, "he didn't want to fall for me and then me stop talking to him b/c he hid the fact that he had a child". I ended that immediately... i couldn't believe he never told me after months of dating!! I mean if he is going to hide the fact that he has a child, what else will he eventually hide from me??
oh well.... hopefully I'll find a real man who is ready to be honest with me and be in a serious relationship!
But thanx for the uplift that good men are still existent!
Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow ~ Author uknown

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