Re: Help--I'll never understand the male species.
"if he doesn't want to see me anymore can't he just tell me?????"
No. Let's face it, honesty is not a man's strong suite, especially a young, college-age man. It sounds to me like he found you attractive and enjoyed spending time with you, but not enough to consider you a serious relationship prospect. The whole "why haven't you called me?" thing is just his way of trying to deflect your attention from the fact that he hadn't called you. It's the same thing when guys decide they don't want to be with you anymore, but they don't have the guts to leave you, so they get mean and nasty, hyper-critical and emotionally distant, in the hopes you'll break up with them. They just have a difficult time being honest with what they're feeling. This is just my take on it, but I think men experience emotional discomfort the same way they experience physical discomfort. When a woman has an emotionally uncomfortable situation to deal with, we deal with it in a different way men do. Men look at being honest with negative feelings as if they are willfully putting their hand on a hot stove burner. Why would they want to deliberately place their hand on a hot burner? Then why would they deliberately have a truthful conversation with you that will feel as bad to them as putting their hand on a hot burner, when they can just avoid the truth and tell a little white lie like "so why didn't you call me? Oh, I didn't know you tried to call me, I was really busy but thinking of you and thinking you'd call me" instead of putting their hand on that burner and say "we had a really great time, but I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now, and I think you're looking for something other than what I can give you right now." That's just how guys are. They hate to feel discomfort of any kind and will do just about anything to avoid it. Actor John Cusack said once in an interview that it annoys him when some women make an issue out of little things like "he pulled out my chair for me the first three dates, but tonight, he didn't. Does that mean he's taking me for granted already? Has he lost interest or is he just bored tonight, or is there something else????" He said "sometimes there's no reason why we moved the bread basket, sometimes we just move it." But women have to be that way with men. We have to learn to read between the lines because men aren't honest with what they're really feeling and thinking. My ex told me I changed his life for the better, being with me made him a better man and he was honored to be with me. One week later he left me, saying he thought he loved me but he was wrong, that we just weren't compatible, he was much more strictly Catholic than I was, he didn't believe in artificial birth control or altering your body in any way or using any device other than natural family planning for birth control, didn't believe in divorce or split families, living together outside of wedlock, premarital sex, and he couldn't compromise those values. Then a few months after he left me he shacked up with a freshly-divorced woman with three kids, one kid living with the ****** off ex husband who was trying to take away the other two, and tied tubes (VERY un-Catholic) and who was described to me by a mutual friend as "wild." Don't try to figure out why men can't be honest, it'll drive you crazy. Just accept the fact that no matter how sweet and attentive they may be when they're with you, if they ignore you for a week afterward, that's what you have to listen to much more than any sweet words he may have told you. Men's actions mean 100 times more than any words they say.
Last edited by Ninispjc; 02-15-2004 at 01:42 AM.