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Old 02-17-2004, 05:21 PM   #1
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Question general question i suppose...

this goes to both guys and girls alike...
first a little story...
my bf is leaving class and i see him in the hall, 5 feet infront of me walks a particularly... "slutty"... girl [no offense...] which i personally dislike... he acknowledges her, but managed to completely miss me, a little later i had a chance to talk to him and although he wouldn't tell me her name, he said she had given him a flower in homeroom and wanted him to wear it all day, but he didn't want to- i also found out he had waited further down the hall for me... although it wasn't too much of a bother, it did hurt a bit... on the ride home, it was still plaguing my mind and upon being requested several times to tell what was bothering me, i mentioned it again and he explained she and some other girl were bothering him in homeroom, and to get them to shut up he took it and said he'd wear it to humour them... I had acquired her name and he verified it [yet he wouldn't mention it earlier...?] ... somehow he seemed completely in disbelief that i took the situation as such... i had told him several times i didn't want to tell him what was on my mind [becuase i knew it was stupid], and his response to much of this was, "well i'm sorry i have friends that are girls" i mean, it was still on my mind but not a major bother and now by all means i trust my boyfriend and i have no problem with him talking with friends tha are female, but i find myself hurt and well... "jealous" [ ] when he talks with other girls that i know aren't part of his normal "groupie"... and also, when people openly hit on him especially when i'm standing there... i tried to explain it but i dont know if he grasped what i was trying to say--- now i know i can be over-emotional and take things the wrong way... but these things tend to eat away at me [and yes, i'm trying to stop it...] i guess though... how would you feel? ...anyone had any similar situations... or... would like to give some imput on how they'd react in this situation...?
just curious and want to ease my mind a bit now that i'm pretty well frazzled and overly paranoid...
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Old 02-17-2004, 05:48 PM   #2
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Re: general question i suppose...

I think this thread would be better moved to the Teens board.

 
Old 02-17-2004, 06:36 PM   #3
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Re: general question i suppose...

hmm... i figured it was more of a realtionship issue rather rather than "teen"... and was hoping for some replies that didn't come from teenie boppers and involved people who've had similar situations in their relationships... whether younger or aged on in years...

mods, if deemed neccissary... move away... no qualms here if it pleases the masses...
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"just imagine what bach would have done with a synthesizer
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Old 02-17-2004, 08:15 PM   #4
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Re: general question i suppose...

Well Always,

I am not a teenager anymore, but I can understand the feeling of jealousy, I am sorry your feeling so hurt by it. It's teenage hurt, one of the first ways you learn about pain in male/female relationships as you grow older and learn.

I am not sure how to tell you how to react, seems like you've acted appropiately so far to the particular situation.

Marj , may have possibly had a point, you may get advice appropiate to your age level on the teen board.

But your feelings are definetely very mature and felt by people of all ages, I am sure...I am 24 myself and still deal with these feelings....Maybe jealousy stops at 40?

Usually in your type of situation, you may be feeling a little worried that your boyfriend might like someone else better. You are both very young, in my experience, young boys, especially teenage boys are a little bit emotionally immature, and also from my experience, it get's even worse when there in their early 20's!

I remember when I was in my teens, many students in highschool were experimenting having their first romantic-type relationships. Usually (from my experience) the boys find it just as interesting to try out dating as much as the girls do, but I think girls tend to
have different ideas of what they want...something that holds true....long well after highschool.

I think many times boys (and girls too) get excited by all the attention they are getting , especially in a school situation, but I think girls are ok with having 1 boyfriend, whereas for boys, it seems, the more the merrier--sorry for how that sounds, but I really think it's human nature, being expressed. I think telling your bf how you this made you feel was a good thing as he will understand how his actions affected you.

So this boy is probally just enjoying the attention a little bit.
As for how you feel, like I said before seems like you've handled the situation very well by talking to him. This is great 'practice' for you and all your future relations.
You'll learn by experience, this is real life practice your getting which will help you for when you get older.

I hoped that helped at least a little but. Remember to not put all your apples into one basket , keep yourself interested in other things as well! And best of luck to you !!

Last edited by tweetbirdy; 02-17-2004 at 08:27 PM.

 
Old 02-18-2004, 03:45 AM   #5
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Re: general question i suppose...

awesome,
thank you tweetdbirdy for the inciteful reply...

we're actually both just shy of 18 and have been in our relationship... for almost a year now...

i was looking for just some input on it or if anyone else has had these situations or what they thought...
thanks again
~always
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"just imagine what bach would have done with a synthesizer
"the thing with music: never be afraid to fail, always try, never give up..." Mr. Tourre

Last edited by always; 02-18-2004 at 03:45 AM.

 
Old 02-18-2004, 04:09 AM   #6
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Re: general question i suppose...

The reason I suggested the teen board was not because this is not an appropriate relationship issue (of course it is!), but the fact that boys usually don't become men until much later and it is difficult to get a handle on the situation. However, I will conceded that good advice for you can be had on this board. And good for you for posting to those of us who have been around! My life might have been much easier had this board -- heck, the internet -- existed when I was your age.

I agree with tweetbirdy that your courage to confront him tactfully will serve you well in all your relationships, personal and professional. I would only add that perhaps your feeling "jealous" is a heads up to you that you really like him. Maybe it's time to let him know that you did feel uncomfortable with the situation because he is special to you. If he doesn't reciprocate, then you might need to find someone better. Keep up your good sense of self.

One more thing, if you can manage it at all, I would hold off on the physical intimacy. Just my experience that it gets in the way of good judgment.

Good luck and God bless,

Marj

 
Old 02-18-2004, 04:21 AM   #7
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Re: general question i suppose...

As long as you enjoy the relationship then serious (not just playful) jealousy shouldn't come up. Is there something you're not happy with besides this? Maybe since it's been a while since you've been single this girl (playfully?) flirting with your boyfriend is reminding you of old times? Maybe the jealous feeling is a sign of the relationship going flat? How about some distance from that feeling and that way of thinking to do things that you enjoy? You might find that you are forgetting somethings and dwelling on others a bit much: there are also plenty of other guys who could make your boyfriend jealous of the attention they're offering you, or the girl who gave your guy a flower could become jealous of you because he's with you not her, so just get your perspective straightend out a bit and things will go better! You are in position of strength, don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. And other people are too, no more and no less. All you can do is be happy to be with your boyfriend and share the time you have in the most enjoyable way.

 
Old 02-18-2004, 04:32 AM   #8
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Re: general question i suppose...

Boys generally become more "mature" by learning better ways of playing games.... some of them really do mature and learn not to play such games. But, the key is to women's happiness in a relationship is to become mature in a real way, not focus on men's maturity or lack of maturity so much.

 
Old 02-18-2004, 02:12 PM   #9
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Re: general question i suppose...

thank you guys again for the replies...
[sorry marj, i didn't mean to seem short earlier... i'd insert an "embarassed" face, but there doesn't appear to be one...] my major concern is i just didn't want like 15 year olds going off and being like "just get back at him" or "ditch him", which seems to be the answer for a lot of things these days

i do appreciate all that you guys have said, because getting views from "outside" the box seems to help me a bit to either handle situations, or see what exactly is behind them... it helps me to straighten my sights a little and better combat any issues that may arise in the future... whether mine own, or helping someone else...
thank you all again, and take care
~always
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"the thing with music: never be afraid to fail, always try, never give up..." Mr. Tourre

 
Old 02-18-2004, 10:34 PM   #10
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Re: general question i suppose...

I think if someone is openly hitting on your partner, when they know you two are going out, you can intervien.

I mean, dont break a bottle and go for her throat with it, But make it known your not gonna take it sitting down.
It might seem a bit possessive, and as if you cutin your B/F off from having female friends, but you dont have to do it all the time. Only to the ones you know are openly flirting with him.

I mean, you said you trust your B/F, which is good. But most guys who think they can get away with something, will atleast humor the idea of it.
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Old 02-19-2004, 02:15 PM   #11
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Re: general question i suppose...

Quote:
Originally Posted by The only name not taken
I mean, dont break a bottle and go for her throat with it
shucks... there goes my plan...
i've talked to him a little about it... because i want him to know i'm not trying to be overly-possesive and that i do trust him, it's just some other people i don't... and it seems like maybe he understands a little... but yeah...
thanks for the reply, thought...
-take care
~always
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"just imagine what bach would have done with a synthesizer
"the thing with music: never be afraid to fail, always try, never give up..." Mr. Tourre

 
Old 02-20-2004, 03:44 AM   #12
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Re: general question i suppose...

Quote:
Originally Posted by always
shucks... there goes my plan...
i've talked to him a little about it... because i want him to know i'm not trying to be overly-possesive and that i do trust him, it's just some other people i don't... and it seems like maybe he understands a little... but yeah...
thanks for the reply, thought...
-take care
~always

I think my favorite line in most relationships is "I trust my bf/gf it's the girl/boy I dont trust." Honestly you have to ask yourselves.... if you cant trust the other person that they wont "tempt" your SO into doing something then how can you trust your SO since they are the ones giving in....? Just a thought!!

I think it is a jealousy issue here and the best thing you can do is either get over it or get over him.... HARSH but TRUE. If you keep acting that way he is going to be long gone soon anyway.... guys will be guys and girls will be girls.... we all look we all flirt especially at our age (00-100 ) and there is nothing we can do about it.... it is basic human instinct and thats the way it will always be. Doesnt me he loves you any less or likes them anymore.... unless he has given you reasons to not trust him in the past then dont stop trusting him...
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Old 02-20-2004, 01:44 PM   #13
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Re: general question i suppose...

it is a jeaslousy issue, i can't deny that, and don't worry, i'm over it... i was just distressed and wanted imput more than anything [which, thank you guys again, has been amazing...] This is the first incident where i even really mentioned it to him... it just really bothered me this time...
from what iv'e found talking to some poeple... -just general chat, not this incident specifiically- is that there is seems to always a little feeling of jealousy when another girl talks to the bf... even if it's just for a second, it's still there... some guys do the same with their g/f...
as for the "i trust him, but not her" or vice versa... i can see your point, but i guess how i see it, its like, yes i do trust him, he's never given me reason not to... but i've seen some people who are capable of breaking up relationships by doing things like this... i'm getting used to one time incidents like this... they happen no matter what... and are no big problem, but some people just go at it until something goes wrong somewhere... they just don't know when to stop... it's not hte most common things i'll grant it and hey... learning to trust more is part of growing in a relationship...
thanks for the imput, yet once again...
~always
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"just imagine what bach would have done with a synthesizer
"the thing with music: never be afraid to fail, always try, never give up..." Mr. Tourre

 
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