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Old 02-18-2004, 01:04 PM   #1
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Will M. HB User
Unhappy Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

This thread may be as long as my face, but I need advice.

I care a lot about a girl, who is the most creative, nicest, sweetest, smartest, girl I have ever met, and there are not a lot of girls like her at all, at least from what I can see... I'm still young though. I find it hard to believe that there could be someone else like her, out there.

Next Friday, the 27th, I'm giving her a letter which I have worked on for a really long time, and it basically it describes how I feel about her, and that I will always respect her in everyway imaginable, and I will always be there for her. I'm very happy with it, and I have a hard time believing that those words came out of me. I've looked it over with a close friend as well, and it's almost perfect. It's a really mellow, easy to follow, and it flows really well.

I'm worried about what's on the horizon.

I asked her out once and I was turned down, in a very apathetic tone, yet she had smile on her face, which made me feel upset and confused. But after that, our friendship has been building up, and we have been getting along great, and we have excellent conversations, especially if it's one-on-one, we email eachother funny stuff. She obviously respects me and likes me as a friend, but I can't figure out why she wouldn't want to give me a chance. I know that if she doesn't accept me, and starts ignoring me, I'm going to be severly deppressed, and I am worried about how this will effect my heath. I'm worried about hurting myself, suicide... I'm already deppressed, and at times I have felt like I have wanted to die. I'm not a person who shows how I feel. At school, I'm all happy and out going, and that's what she sees, but at home, I'm a wreck.

If she doesn't accept me, I know that it's going to take a really, really long time to get over it. I'm also worried about my friends. All my friends that know that I like her(who are all girls), has said that they would never look her in the eyes if she didn't accept me. I don't want them to do that though. I've told them not to disrespect her if she turns me down, because it's her choice, and she'd have her own reasons. But they sound very serious, and I don't want them to do anything stupid.

Even if she turns me down, I hope that she won't just forget about me, and start to ignore me. I hope she'll respect me for who I am, and what I have done.

If she does accept me, however, I'll be the happiest guy in the world and I'll go run everywhere skippin' down the street, yellin' and screamin'!

I really need feedback desperately.

How can I be confident? How can I live through this? How will I get over her? What do I do about my friends? How will I keep a friendship with her, which I cherish so much!?

Thank You.

 
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Old 02-18-2004, 01:26 PM   #2
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supertrooper HB User
Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

Will, I think you need to put that letter away for now. It probably has way too much emotion wrapped up in it for where you relationship is now. It would probably scare her away.

You need to be patient and work your way up to a point where you can do things together that aren't "dates", but let you spend time together. Then you can ask her out again on a very "low pressure" kind of date. The kind where you have asked her to be with you, but there is not a tremendous romantic interpretation involved. If it is obvious to the other girls that you like her it is probably obvious to her to. Give her time and she may rethink her assumptions about you.

Would you be comfortable posting your letter so that we can react to the level of your emotions? The primary mission of the board is support and it would give us a reading of where you are. Think about it a while.
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Old 02-18-2004, 02:14 PM   #3
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Will M. HB User
Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

I actually forgot to mention that I am debating with myself about when to give that to her.

I want to give her the letter before school is out, because next school year we won't be able to see eachother at all; she'll be a sophomore and I'll be a junior. And at this school it's split up into Freshman/Sophomore in the morning, Junior/Senior in the after noon.

We could see eachother more if we wanted to, but I guess we're not to the point of an out of school friendship.

At first I chose two weeks before summer break, but then I thought if she gave a positive response, we wouldn't be able to hang out much. And if she gave a negative response, I woun't have enough time to rebuild the friendship.

Now that I think about it, I want more time, but I don't want to wait too long either. I'm very confused about this.

I don't feel confordable posting the letter in front of the whole world. And there is things in there which only you would understand if you knew us personally. If you really think it would help you give more of a response, I'll send it to you directly, but I don't feel confordable, about showing it in public.

 
Old 02-18-2004, 10:43 PM   #4
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Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

I dont mean to burst your bubble here but, usually letters give a really bad impression. Just the letter it's self screams lack of confidence.

If you good friends, you should be able to talk to her face-to-face, and should know what her reaction will be. I doubt she will throw it in your face, no matter what you say (or can't say for that matter).

Ask her how she feels about the two of you, or if she'd want to be friends next year. Just telling her how you feel might be a bit over-whelming for her.

Personal opinion only - but I think circumstances such as this go alot better and are alot more successful if you try and turn it into a conversation, rather then just a flood of thoughts and emotions.

Anyway, GL.
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Old 02-19-2004, 12:49 AM   #5
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Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

I don't think you have any hope. You have way to much hype for her and not to mention your own confidence issues [chicks like confident guys, no cowardly chickens to afraid to speak their mind].

Say she does go out with you, I'd predict you'd become so scared of screwing things up or making a bad impression you'd become uncomfortable to be around. Or maybe you'd turn into the paranoid type which would result in you being really controlling or really jealous of any guy who talks to her based on fear of losing her. You have to tone it down and not put so much weight on it, if you can get into the attitude of it being cool with whatever the outcome is, good or bad, then you'd likely be more calm and comfortable talking about more personal issues. I've told you this before I think, you don't seem to catch on, you can't put more emphasis on the outcome being success than failure, you have to be ready for both, 50-50. You just keep making the same posts every few months making no progress at all, just take a chance and get it over with.

You're like a little kid whose afraid of ripping off their bandaid from a bo-bo because it might hurt, so insted they slowly pull it off spreading out the duration of the pain when it could be over-with in one quick yank.

t dash



Quote:
Originally Posted by Will M.
I actually forgot to mention that I am debating with myself about when to give that to her.

I want to give her the letter before school is out, because next school year we won't be able to see eachother at all; she'll be a sophomore and I'll be a junior. And at this school it's split up into Freshman/Sophomore in the morning, Junior/Senior in the after noon.

We could see eachother more if we wanted to, but I guess we're not to the point of an out of school friendship.

At first I chose two weeks before summer break, but then I thought if she gave a positive response, we wouldn't be able to hang out much. And if she gave a negative response, I woun't have enough time to rebuild the friendship.

Now that I think about it, I want more time, but I don't want to wait too long either. I'm very confused about this.

I don't feel confordable posting the letter in front of the whole world. And there is things in there which only you would understand if you knew us personally. If you really think it would help you give more of a response, I'll send it to you directly, but I don't feel confordable, about showing it in public.

Last edited by t-dash; 02-19-2004 at 12:49 AM.

 
Old 02-19-2004, 06:44 AM   #6
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Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

yeah man, i think you should at least wait. Chances are that she wouldnt 'accept' (if thats the right word) you again. It happened once afterall. I dont think this is one of those movie scenarios where the girl looks back and suddenly realizes what she has been missing. just continue to be her friend, mess around with her a bit, make jokes, stuff like that. Dare i say BE YOURSELF. if you do that, who knows what will happen. maybe by the time shes ready, youve already found another girl. Happened to me before, except the other way around. This girl liked me to death, and i had known this for 2-3 years, and she did things that showed it, but i never paid much attention, when she left my school, i looked back and was like 'dang, that girl is fine' but now it is too late, she has a BF, and that good stuff, so know all i can do is continue to be her friend, call her talk about stuff, talk about my love life, ect, ect. Eventually somehting may happen. Until then, who knows??? So just chill man, dont get hung up. It might take awhile, but keep your options open just in case. There must be plenty of girls in your High School.

 
Old 02-19-2004, 08:32 AM   #7
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Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

Since you have worked so hard in the letter I would still give it to her. The way I would approach is sit her down and read the letter to her. She may consider it as a romantic kind of thing.

If she still does not want a relationship don't take it so hard. If things were made to work out then it will eventually happen. She just may except you as a good friend and don't want to ruin that by dating you. If you do end up braking up it could ruin your friendship in the future.

Just except her decision. It will be hard at first but that is all about the challenges of life. Time will only tell when you will meet that special someone.

 
Old 02-19-2004, 12:46 PM   #8
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Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

most girls are nice about notes.. they love to get them.. if your note is good it might even make em cry.. i have written notes to girls i had no chance in the world with.. and when they read it they came up to me and hugged me and we became friends and eventually dated

the worst that could happen is that she laughs.. if that happens just deny u ever write her a note and even know who she is

 
Old 02-19-2004, 01:13 PM   #9
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Will M. HB User
Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

The only name not taken,
I'm willing to talk to her face to face, but there is a lot to say, and I'd want to make sure she clearly understands what I'm saying.

t-dash,
I'm sorry I'm giving you this impression of a little kid who is afraid to rip off a bandaid, and I don't mean too. I have already took courageous steps like asking her out, and I'm am still here. I think your just looking at everything in a negative way. I have lots of hope in a lot of things. I am calm and confident around her, talking to her, listening to her, ect. I'm just like anyone else. You obviously don't know who I am, because I am ready, and serious about any kind of bond. If I wasn't serious, I wouldn't write a letter. Hopefully I won't have to give her that letter. There has been lots of progress, and you have no knowlege of what's happening in my life to make the assumption that nothing has changed. You should be smart enough to know that this is a lot more different than a bandaid. I have already had enough negative feedback from you, and it hasn't done me any good at all, and you seem to be a person who makes problems worse, rather than fix them.

eightball61,
I decided I won't give that to her anytime soon. If I need to, I'll do it, but I think it's best to get to the point where I won't have too. I'd rather not read it too her, that sounds really akward and embarrassing, but I would like to see what she thinks, and talk to her at sometime, but not for a while.

It's good to hear different view points and they have helped a lot, thanks.

 
Old 02-19-2004, 01:19 PM   #10
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Will M. HB User
Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gopeder99
most girls are nice about notes.. they love to get them.. if your note is good it might even make em cry.. i have written notes to girls i had no chance in the world with.. and when they read it they came up to me and hugged me and we became friends and eventually dated

the worst that could happen is that she laughs.. if that happens just deny u ever write her a note and even know who she is
Ha, ha, that'd be horrible if she laughed, but I don't think that she would. If she did than I made a huge mistake. I really don't think she's a girl that would do that.

It made my close friend that saw the letter cry out of joy, so that's a good sign. She's very emotional though.

 
Old 02-19-2004, 01:39 PM   #11
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Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

well i think the 27th is a good date to give it to her if you give it to her (because it my b-day LOL) and because she'll have the whole weekend to think about it...but don't do something stupid if shes turns you down she probally has good reason for it!!

 
Old 02-19-2004, 02:12 PM   #12
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Will M. HB User
Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazybabe_2004
well i think the 27th is a good date to give it to her if you give it to her (because it my b-day LOL) and because she'll have the whole weekend to think about it...but don't do something stupid if shes turns you down she probally has good reason for it!!
Yeah, but I can give it to her any weekend though. Have a happy birthday, by the way! I won't do anything stupid or be a jerk, and I'll respect her decision, but I don't think anything can stop me from feeling upset.

 
Old 02-19-2004, 04:57 PM   #13
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t-dash HB User
Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

Yah I come off negative and pesimistic, but I'm just offering you a second opinion, you gotta see both sides of the coin. I've actually had a situation VERY similar to yours [though this thread isn't about me so I won't tell the story], but you even remind me of myself a little bit when I was just starting highschool, but my situation was botched, things didn't play out how I had planned, and it was a hard blow. I'm just trying to warn you to be careful about it and be ready for a negative out come thats all. Mine hit me hard and its hard to get back up after building up so much hope and wishing and longing to be with that one girl, I wish I had gotten it over with alot sooner than I had, still it came out as a life lesson in the end. But every situation is different so I hope you got more luck than I had. I'll continue to offer my advice just so you can multiple points of views on thing (even if its pesimistic at times), but I do not make problems worse, well maybe on a forum because I only get one side of the story and limited/selected information available, but I can honestly tell you I'm very good at relationship advice in real life. I help out alot of people with a high success rate. Can't be right all the time though. It is hard on a forum though, not enough facts and information so its hard to see things for how they really are.

t dash

Quote:
Originally Posted by Will M.
t-dash,
I'm sorry I'm giving you this impression of a little kid who is afraid to rip off a bandaid, and I don't mean too. I have already took courageous steps like asking her out, and I'm am still here. I think your just looking at everything in a negative way. I have lots of hope in a lot of things. I am calm and confident around her, talking to her, listening to her, ect. I'm just like anyone else. You obviously don't know who I am, because I am ready, and serious about any kind of bond. If I wasn't serious, I wouldn't write a letter. Hopefully I won't have to give her that letter. There has been lots of progress, and you have no knowlege of what's happening in my life to make the assumption that nothing has changed. You should be smart enough to know that this is a lot more different than a bandaid. I have already had enough negative feedback from you, and it hasn't done me any good at all, and you seem to be a person who makes problems worse, rather than fix them.

 
Old 02-20-2004, 10:41 AM   #14
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Will M. HB User
Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

That's okay t-dash, I just found some of it a little insulting.

Anyway, today we were talking about our names--no reason why--anyway, sorta funny, sorta not, she mentioned her ex-boyfriend whose name happens to be... Will... Then after she told me a story she said "dumbest thing I ever done," and later repeated again under her breath. I didn't find it insulting, and it didn't sound like she was impying anything, but I hope she realizes that I'm a different person!

EDIT: Oh wait, I just remembered she was filling out a worksheet for the yearbook and one of the questions was "What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?" That explains why she kept saying that.

Last edited by Will M.; 02-20-2004 at 01:35 PM.

 
Old 02-20-2004, 08:22 PM   #15
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alwaysgod2 HB User
Re: Scared and frightened, please help me, please!

OK well it seems like to me you need a girls opinion in here. So here it goes. Yes girls love to get notes and unlike guys it doesnt scare us if your "too emotional" In fact thats really attractive in a guy. I use to know this guy and we were really good friends, but he asked me out one day and i told him no sorry. With a smile on my face and junk. Dont be confused by that.We figure if we smile then u wont be as hurt and think we're cold hearted or nething. But the reason i turned him down was because i didnt wanna ruin the friendship we had. i knew if we ever broke up we wouldnt be close nemore. So u might wanna take that into consideration. And ive noticed that with a lot of friendships, they never work out. I prefer to be friends when we go out, but as far as being GOOD friends...no. i figure if ur a GOOD friend to me then ur too important to loose. Yea u know you wanna be with her and everything but heres the question you need to ask yourself...wouldnt you just rather her being in your life instead of not being there at all? In other words, if yall went out u might have that possibility of loosing her and thatd be even more depressing. At leats you have her in ur life right?
And as far as you being weak because of writing the letter or whatever( a post above said somethin like that) I feel thats so not true. Some people have a hard time expressing their feelings face to face. i know i do. I mean i can tell somebody things that are sentimental and stuff but as far as coming from the heart. i can only write it. it doesnt make u a coward or anything, it just shows your a little shy. And thats ok. i know i prefer a guy who is a little shy, but i guess thats because im shy too. i hope i helped!

Last edited by alwaysgod2; 02-20-2004 at 08:26 PM.

 
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