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Old 02-21-2004, 06:44 PM   #1
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crazygirl HB User
Exclamation A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

Hi,

I kinda have a problem, a little while ago my freind haad a whole bunch of questions about ovain cysts and pregnancy and things like that. Anyways I was telling my boyfreind that i have kinda the same problems as my friend does.. and that it can affect pregnancy. He started freaking out a little bit. asking if that means i can never have kids....blah...blah..blah. He's always wanted a kid but......now he's damned and determened to have a baby. I wouldnt mind having one ,he's GREAT with kids...for god sakes he's bought montiors, and herbs that i cant even pronounce to make getting pregnant more likely ...my problem is.. i want to make sure i have a good home and plently of money to take of it.. i mean he lives with his parents and is a pizza boy...and i live with my grandpa and work part time a laundry mat.. this isnt enought to surport a baby. not to mention he already has payments for a engagement ring he brought me and payments to his dad for crashing his car. I guess my problem is ... is that i dont know what to tell him cause like i said....... I wouldnt mind having one..but i wanna be able to take care of it.. with ALL the care that it needs......what should i tell him?

Last edited by crazygirl; 02-21-2004 at 06:44 PM.

 
Old 02-21-2004, 06:59 PM   #2
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Plum HB User
Re: A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazygirl
what should i tell him?
Exactly what you just told us.

 
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Old 02-21-2004, 07:06 PM   #3
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crazygirl HB User
Re: A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by Plum
Exactly what you just told us.
Hi, Plum,

He kinda already knows this...........his theroy....."we will manage" I know what I should say.... but he always walks in the room.... with a smile then asking me if i'm pregnant yet. makes it kinda hard to just say i dont wanna be right now. i dont want him to think i'm mad at him or something.......

Last edited by crazygirl; 02-21-2004 at 07:08 PM.

 
Old 02-21-2004, 10:34 PM   #4
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Re: A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

Hi Crazy,

You sound highly mature in the sense that you want to wait to bear children until you're financially prepared.

I personally have no children, but I've worked with kids for a decent amount of years and it's a HUGE responsibility.

Raising children entails more than an ample supply of money. It also requires a lot of love, patience, understanding, time, and dedication. I wonder if people really realize how much of an effort it takes raising kids, especially now days. I think some people have an "ideal" image of what raising a family is all about until the REAL reality hits, then it's a totally different story.

 
Old 02-21-2004, 11:25 PM   #5
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Re: A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by miss_prolixity
Hi Crazy,

You sound highly mature in the sense that you want to wait to bear children until you're financially prepared.

I personally have no children, but I've worked with kids for a decent amount of years and it's a HUGE responsibility.

Raising children entails more than an ample supply of money. It also requires a lot of love, patience, understanding, time, and dedication. I wonder if people really realize how much of an effort it takes raising kids, especially now days. I think some people have an "ideal" image of what raising a family is all about until the REAL reality hits, then it's a totally different story.
HI,miss_prolixity
thank you...
i still have the problem of telling him i dont want one yet.......cause right now..my child would have love..patience, understading, time and dedication.... just theres no money. not to mention i'm only 18 and he's 20... in a couple years were both will have better jobs...then maybe can afford one......

 
Old 02-21-2004, 11:55 PM   #6
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Re: A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

You both are so young and still living with your families, you still have another 20 years of child-bearing years ahead of you barring any of your physical problems causing barriers to childbearing. The fact that he's in such a rush before you're even married or established says to me that he's wanting more than to be a father. It sounds to me like he's feeling very insecure about something and he's wanting a child to fix it, and that's no reason to have a child. It could also be that he's thinking "well, if she can't give me kids I'd better find out now, so I can find someone else if she can't." You need to find out NOW if that's what he's thinking. You have very right to wait to have children, in fact you're being very very smart. Don't let him pressure you into trying to have kids before you're both ready. Just tell him kindly but firmly that you simply aren't ready to have kids yet. You have plenty of time and you want to wait. And even if you tried now, you might have trouble conceiving and it's possible that you may not be able to have kids at all. If he loves you, he'll accept that. If he can't hang with that, then you're better off knowing how he really feels about you before you go having his kids.

 
Old 02-22-2004, 12:52 AM   #7
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Re: A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninispjc
You both are so young and still living with your families, you still have another 20 years of child-bearing years ahead of you barring any of your physical problems causing barriers to childbearing. The fact that he's in such a rush before you're even married or established says to me that he's wanting more than to be a father. It sounds to me like he's feeling very insecure about something and he's wanting a child to fix it, and that's no reason to have a child. It could also be that he's thinking "well, if she can't give me kids I'd better find out now, so I can find someone else if she can't." You need to find out NOW if that's what he's thinking. You have very right to wait to have children, in fact you're being very very smart. Don't let him pressure you into trying to have kids before you're both ready. Just tell him kindly but firmly that you simply aren't ready to have kids yet. You have plenty of time and you want to wait. And even if you tried now, you might have trouble conceiving and it's possible that you may not be able to have kids at all. If he loves you, he'll accept that. If he can't hang with that, then you're better off knowing how he really feels about you before you go having his kids.
Hi,
thanks for reponding
I dont think thats the case he bought me an engagment about 3 weeks before i told him that. I already knew he wanted kids and i told him that some1 told me that with the problem i have the longer i wait the hard it is to get pregnant. He just wants one now..in case i cant later.cause he knows i avnetually want a baby. I know i am ready for a baby. my body and mind. but my life isnt. if that makes any sence

 
Old 02-22-2004, 01:05 AM   #8
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazygirl
Hi,
thanks for reponding
I dont think thats the case he bought me an engagment about 3 weeks before i told him that. I already knew he wanted kids and i told him that some1 told me that with the problem i have the longer i wait the hard it is to get pregnant. He just wants one now..in case i cant later.cause he knows i avnetually want a baby. I know i am ready for a baby. my body and mind. but my life isnt. if that makes any sence

It makes perfect sense. You also have an obligation to think about what would be best for the baby. Would it be fair to bring a child into your life as it is now just because it may be you can't have one when you can provide for him/her better? It's a hard issue, I know, and there really never is a "good" or "perfect" time to have a baby. If people waited till everything's perfect, they'd never have a baby. But you do have to think about what's best for the baby you would be bringing into the world.

 
Old 02-22-2004, 05:19 AM   #9
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promisez HB User
Re: A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

Kind of keep it simple for him. Ask him if you can afford rent, food (formula is like 25 bucks a can I've heard!), bills..etc on his paycheck because you will be staying home taking care of the baby. He cant just be mature to want one now without the financial responsibilities also. Course, I'm old fashioned, I remember the old days when marraige happened first

 
Old 02-22-2004, 07:28 AM   #10
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: A freinds questions leads to boyfreind freaking out about me.. leads into a problem

I was getting a little discouraged reading thru here, there was so little mention of getting married first before having a child.
(Thanks Promisez...)

It is your body, it is your life, and it a change that will immediately and forever change the way you live your life.
Getting married first is a very legitimate reason to give your boyfriend for not having a child now.

 
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