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Old 02-27-2004, 10:39 PM   #1
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Question Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

recently i met a young lady, spent some time with her, really bonded.
i found out tho, that she's only 15 (i myself am 19).

a sexual relationship, is of course off limits, but what would you think of a 19 year old dating a 15 year old?

i myself am not entirely comfortable with dating her, but i am comfortable with her, herself.

when she brought dating up a few days ago, she pointed out her parents are over 10 years apart. and it made me ponder y'know? age gaps are incredibly common (and yes, in healthy relationships).

so altho age gaps are accepted by society, are they accepted this early? a four-year age gap is hardly going to make anyone blink in adulthood..

but right now? 19 and 15? it's not 25 and 21. or 18 and 22. or 30 and 26.

i'm afraid if we went to the movies or to dinner together, we'd get judged. i would automatically be the 19 year old taking advantage of a young lady, and she would be the poor young lady who fell victim to an older teen's mind game (i've seen it b4, but worst-case scenario i guess).

so, again, i open the discussion.. age gaps, when are they okay?

 
Old 02-27-2004, 11:19 PM   #2
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

Even if you aren't having sex, dating her could cause problems. I'd say check your own state's laws on statutory rape. I think it can vary from state to state, some state laws say the girl has to be 16 unless the guy is more than four years older, something like that, but check to make sure in your state. I personally believe sex should be totally off limits for anyone until they finish high school at least. 15 is what, a sophomore? So she has 2 1/2 years of HS left? Are you willing to wait that long? If not, I'd suggest just being totally above-board with everything. Meet her parents, don't sneak around. It will be very important that her parents like you and approve of the relationship. If not, they can cause heaps of trouble for you. But at least wait until she's 16, to even really start dating, like going out to dinner/movies etc. And think long and hard about what it will mean: she has another 2 years until she can get into R rated movies without a parent or guardian, another 6 years before she can go to a bar - make sure you can hang with all that. And if you di decide to do the deed, please please please be responsible. The last thing you want to do is get a young high school girl pregnant. Use at least 2 forms of birth control. But I'd say for now, be friends, get to know each other until she's 16. If the love is that strong, it will still be there when she turns 16.

 
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Old 02-28-2004, 01:30 AM   #3
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

Super,
I/m confused. On the general sexual heath board you post about "someone" that may be pregnant.

Marilyn
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Old 02-28-2004, 03:12 AM   #4
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

Tomsgirl, I picked up on that as well.

 
Old 02-28-2004, 05:17 AM   #5
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

I have a daughter that is 12 yrs old right now. Personally...if my daughter came home with a 19 yr old boy I would not be happy. I would do what I could to make sure that she and him were not alone at anytime. I don't think it is right for MY daughter to be dating anyone more then 1 or 2 yrs older then her, Atleast not while she is a minor. When she is 18 and wants to date someone 4 yrs old I can't do anything about it, that would be her choice. If I found out my daughter of 15 had sex with a boy 19, I would go to the police and prosicute him for statutory rape.

Age different doesn't bother me when a person is older (of legal age) but as a minor I just don't think it is right.

This is just my opinion.

 
Old 02-28-2004, 06:16 AM   #6
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Talking Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

bren,
YOU Go girl. I totally agree with you.

Marilyn
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Old 02-28-2004, 08:42 AM   #7
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Angry Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

Tomsgirl and Hoop, you two, i find seriously offensive!

did you miss in this post where i stated "a sexual relationship is of course off limits" and "i myself am not entirely comfortable with dating her" and "but right now? 19 and 15? it's not 25 and 21. or 18 and 22. or 30 and 26"?????


i'd seriously appreciate if you two would stop trying to tie this post to the older post in the General Sexual Health forum, thanks.

i'm uncomfortable with dating a minor, that's the reason i posted this thread. everyone's replies are just highly reinforcing my feelings.

bren7:
i agree with you. i've never dated a woman more than 2 years younger than myself @ any given time, as it's just felt right.
i can't warm up to the idea of dating a woman 4 years younger than myself @ this point in my life.
but AGAIN, i'm talking about dating and NOT SEX! believe it or not, i'm a good person.
so please, i don't need to hear about you wanting to prosecute for statutory rape! that makes me feel like you're assuming i'm talking sex and like i'm intent on getting together with this woman!
and again, i agree with you. i don't think it's right, but i'm looking for other's opinions on age gaps.

so please, stop all that "you said this in this thread" and "statutory rape" stuff now! remember how i said i'd be afraid of getting judged? it's already happening and i haven't even put one foot forward towards a relationship with her!

please just gimme your opinions on age gaps in dating.

Last edited by super fluke; 02-28-2004 at 08:49 AM.

 
Old 02-28-2004, 09:04 AM   #8
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

Quote:
Originally Posted by super fluke
Tomsgirl and Hoop, you two, i find seriously offensive!

did you miss in this post where i stated "a sexual relationship is of course off limits" and "i myself am not entirely comfortable with dating her" and "but right now? 19 and 15? it's not 25 and 21. or 18 and 22. or 30 and 26"?????


i'd seriously appreciate if you two would stop trying to tie this post to the older post in the General Sexual Health forum, thanks.

i'm uncomfortable with dating a minor, that's the reason i posted this thread. everyone's replies are just highly reinforcing my feelings.

bren7:
i agree with you. i've never dated a woman more than 2 years younger than myself @ any given time, as it's just felt right.
i can't warm up to the idea of dating a woman 4 years younger than myself @ this point in my life.
but AGAIN, i'm talking about dating and NOT SEX! believe it or not, i'm a good person.
so please, i don't need to hear about you wanting to prosecute for statutory rape! that makes me feel like you're assuming i'm talking sex and like i'm intent on getting together with this woman!
and again, i agree with you. i don't think it's right, but i'm looking for other's opinions on age gaps.

so please, stop all that "you said this in this thread" and "statutory rape" stuff now! remember how i said i'd be afraid of getting judged? it's already happening and i haven't even put one foot forward towards a relationship with her!

please just gimme your opinions on age gaps in dating.

You know people are really just trying to help you! And you did post stuff in your other post (which was started on the same day) that is much different from what you are posting here. If you are not having sexual relations with this woman (more like child) then fine. What people are saying is that they would see it as rape and would call statutory on you! It is a prents instinct to protect their child. Age gaps are different after it becomes legal until then back off and keep her as a friend.
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Old 02-28-2004, 09:32 AM   #9
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

every one needs to pull the stick out of their....
yes, although people are trying to help, i do understand how hoop and tomgirl's posts could seem a bit... well... "what the [negative word here]"... he's asking opinions on age gaps... ... those posts were completely irrevelant...

in anycase...
if you are to "date", i would suggest looking at your states laws [i know i know, you don't want to hear that... but it might save you some trouble in the future...] ... i don't see anything wrong with "dating" per say... just maybe not the movies and dinners and waht not, until she's maybe 16 ... 17... ... that doesn't mean that you can't go out and do things with her... do things with her as a "friend"... meet her parents be open with them... if they seem uneasy about it, back off... if they seem okay with it, just becareful as you tread the waters... even so much as kissing sometimes people can call "rape"...
i personally would be sort of weary in this situation and remain friends... atleast until she's a bit older... who knows what may come up before then...
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Last edited by always; 02-28-2004 at 09:34 AM.

 
Old 02-28-2004, 09:44 AM   #10
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

If you are truly "uncomfortable" and "don't think it's right" then don't do it! Your logic brain is on the right track, but it sounds like you could be persuaded. So, as far as age gaps in this general age group the answer is:

NOOOOOOO!!!

But, that's just my opinion.
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Old 02-28-2004, 07:21 PM   #11
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

I am in the same situation except i'm the 16 year old girl and he is 20. We are in love and its great! So, As long as u make her feel comfortable, with no pressure then its ok. And also don't sneak around cuz that will only hurt you in the long run. So i definatly do think that age gaps are ok. Good luck!

 
Old 02-28-2004, 07:40 PM   #12
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

I saw screw the age stereo type. Just judge her on her own merits and maturity. If she's mature enough to be with you then go with it. But if you really want to be 'okay' with the uptight society's views, once she's out of highschool age will mean dick all. Thats really when age gaps become okay.

t dash

 
Old 02-28-2004, 08:45 PM   #13
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

I don't think it's the age gap itself that's bothering you, I think it's the fact that you're technically an adult and she's still a child. She may be an attractive, mature for her age child, but she's a child nonetheless. You're obviously uncomfortable with the idea of dating her so it makes sense not to do it.

 
Old 02-28-2004, 11:54 PM   #14
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

I agree with Plum, and I'd like to add, that you can say easily right now that sex is off limits,but once you start dating her and start getting really close,it's gonna be really hard to stick to your own rules.

 
Old 02-29-2004, 08:23 AM   #15
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Re: Age Gaps: When Are They Okay?

Super Fluke

I'm sorry that you are getting so offended by my post. I was not in anyway tring to offend you.

1) I did state my opinion on the age difference....
"Age different doesn't bother me when a person is older (of legal age) but as a minor I just don't think it is right."


2) I was stating MY opinion as a parent of a female child. I dont think it is right. You say you have no intentions of having sex with her. That maybe..but as the 2 of you are dating...one thing will lead to another eventually...it maybe not be right away it maybe in several months or more. 3 years is a long time to wait when hormones are ragging with both of you.

AGAIN I mean no offence.

In my opinion....young girls are some what easily manipulated. Their hormones are ragging, they want to be adults as quickly as possible. A man if he speaks right and treats a young lady right, can get just about anything he wants from her. She thinks (not all young lady's) that he loves her and will stay with her forever, and she will do anything for him. MAYBE I'M WRONG!!!
When I was 14 I dated a guy that was 21-22, I thought "wow I must be something special for this guy to like me" we dated for amount 6 months before we had sex, not long after he got what he wanted he left me. That happened to me a couple times while I was a minor. When I was 16, I knew this guy 30 and we were friend for a long time. I believed everything he told me. When I was 18, 2 days after my 18th b-day I moved in with him, he told me when I moved in 1) I get my own room, 2) I pay rent (we had a set amount). That was cool, I agreed, my parents and I didn't get along every at all, I was happy to move out, and my mother was happy for me to move out. I moved in with this guy, he changed to the rules. 1) Now I was allowed to have my own room to keep my belonging, BUT I had to sleep with him, 2) I was to give him my whole pay check and he gave me $20 to live on for the week for gas and food ect... 3) I was to tell him where I was at all times, he did want me to have my own friends. Basically I was his sex slave. He had no problem of hitting me if I didn't do what he wanted. I had nowhere to go, I couldn't go back home with my parents, I dealt with that about 3 months before I found a place to go. When I left he was NOT happy, I was very scared for my life. I was very easily manipulated. Hence is why I would be so protective of MY own daughter.

Please understand why I am very against the age difference when there is a minor involved.

I was not assuming or accusing you of having sex with her in anyway. But eventually it may happen.

Again I am very sorry for any offence you may have taken to my last post.

 
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