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Old 03-05-2004, 05:31 PM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2004
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aalk89 HB User
Exclamation Will I ever find myself?

Ok, i have a unique situation that has been continually fustrating me. I used to be a obese child (210 pounds at age 12) who was raised by EXTREMELY overprotective parents. I was a loner, spending all my free time lodged in front of the tv or computer. However, when i was 13, i decided that I needed to change. I had lost over 50 pounds and am around 157 pounds at 6 feet tall. I feel confident with my physical appearence and my increased self-esteem, but i still have one problem I can't solve.

I am now a 16 year old male, and my social skills are horrible. As a result of my overprotective childhood and my past physical appearence, I have no idea how to communicate with other people. I always feel that I don't have much to talk about, as i have noticed most of my conversations are about school. I do consider myself a rather uninteresting person, but not due to a lack of self-esteem. Its because I have not found a way to break out of my shell and that I have not found a way to develop my social skills. I really want to be an outgoing person, and I want to also be interesting, but everytime I try to advance them, I find that there is some kind of force that hinders my ability to do so. I am very unhappy with this, since as I see it, my lack of social skills is eating up a big part of my life.

I really want to change, but it's like I can't find any way how to do so and become the person that I've wanted to be. So, if you guys can please help me, that would be great. .

Thank you very much.

 
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Old 03-06-2004, 07:23 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,186
Magnetic HB UserMagnetic HB User
Re: Will I ever find myself?

Take it one tiny step at a time. Don't expect to become Ryan Seacrest in one day. Set a goal each day, or even each week at the beginning, to go up to someone and say something, anything. Start with school, then maybe branch out to the last basketball game or something that is happening in your school or local area. You can keep it brief - you don't need to expect a long conversation. You can even walk by someone, smile and look at them then stop just long enough to say "isn't this a great day?", and move on. Eventually, as you practice, you will gain confidence. You can try to join in on other conversations....see how they interact and see if you can say something. If you are too shy, simply listen for a bit to see how they talk.

Be respectful of others, be friendly, try to look cheerful, and you will make friends.

It will take time, and you may have some setbacks, but if you really want to improve, take it slowly and you will succeed.

 
Old 03-08-2004, 12:34 PM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Will I ever find myself?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnetic
Take it one tiny step at a time. Don't expect to become Ryan Seacrest in one day. Set a goal each day, or even each week at the beginning, to go up to someone and say something, anything. Start with school, then maybe branch out to the last basketball game or something that is happening in your school or local area. You can keep it brief - you don't need to expect a long conversation. You can even walk by someone, smile and look at them then stop just long enough to say "isn't this a great day?", and move on. Eventually, as you practice, you will gain confidence. You can try to join in on other conversations....see how they interact and see if you can say something. If you are too shy, simply listen for a bit to see how they talk.

Be respectful of others, be friendly, try to look cheerful, and you will make friends.

It will take time, and you may have some setbacks, but if you really want to improve, take it slowly and you will succeed.

That advice can't get any better....Magnetic

 
Old 03-09-2004, 07:59 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: NYC, USA
Posts: 144
jamie17 HB User
Re: Will I ever find myself?

I agree that Magnetic gave you good advice.

You say that you consider yourself an uninteresting person, but nobody is really uninteresting. Everyone has something that is interesting and unique about them. Just think about the kind of determination and discipline it must have taken you to lose all that weight and get out from under your overprotective parents' shadow --- that's an achievement in itself and says something about your character. How many people could have done that? And I'm sure there's other things about you that are unique and interesting, as well.

People usually seem most interesting when they are passionate about something, and that passion is something that people can see when they are talking to them. What are you interested in, what do you love? When you get to the point where you are able to talk a bit more with people, if you are talking about those things you love, you will automatically seem vibrant and interesting to them.

To that end, you might want to start utilizing some of Magnetic's suggestions in an environment which is already loaded with people who find the same things interesting that you do --- say, a club. For example, if you really love chess, you could join the chess club, and since there are already a bunch of other people there who find chess as interesting as you do, and that would be a good place to start practicing your social skills in some of the ways Magnetic suggested, because it's a win-win situation for you.

Good luck!

 
Old 03-12-2004, 01:01 AM   #5
Junior Member
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 26
tye03 HB User
Re: Will I ever find myself?

I am going throught the "coming out of my shell" thing like you are. For the longest time I couldn't even imagine being out of my comfort zone. I lived in my own little world and that was it. However, I wasn't happy. I wanted more. I wanted to be a people person. I got to talkin' with a friend of mine about this and she decided she would help me. We started getting together with some people she knows and going to play pool from time to time. I was scared to death at first. I hate being around lots of people and I hate sports. However, over time I've gotten to know a few people and how to play pool and I'm learning as I go. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm still not a people person, but it has helped me a lot to be involved in something. I still won't go up to someone and say, "Hi, I'm so-in-so", but I will exit my comfort zone for a while to go have a little fun and loosen up a bit and in doing so get more comfortable around people. It's great. I suggest trying something new. A sport, a club, just anything. And just be yourself no matter what. Hope everything works out for you.

 
Old 03-12-2004, 07:46 PM   #6
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Join Date: Mar 2004
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Kimberly32 HB User
Re: Will I ever find myself?

Well.. the best way to get social is to join a club or maybe play a sport in school think of good ways to meet ppl. even though u may not think ur interesting other ppl may. Just let it flow
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A Smile Is A Curve That Can Straighten Out Alot Of Things.

 
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