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Old 03-14-2004, 12:19 AM   #1
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Keep dating silent?

I'll keep this concise: I have been dating "Joe" since August 2003; we have a lot in common and we care about each other very much. But the problem is my mother (note: I'm 16); she believes we're only friends, but I can't help but wonder how anyone could be that dense...Joe calls me every night, we talk via AIM, I visit him almost every Saturday, we've gone to the movies twice and he paid both times, and he gave me a dozen roses for Valentine's Day.

My mom doesn't seem to see that we're more than friends. Granted, neither of us want to do anything extreme (the most we've done is kiss); we know what our boundaries are, and, although Joe says perverted stuff sometimes, I know he isn't like most guys his age who only look for a girlfriend so they can climb in the sack with them. He's kind of shy and I know he would never try anything naughty.

My question is this: Should I tell my mom we are dating, or let her continue believing we maintain a strong friendship? And if I should tell her, how should I tell her?

I would have told her long ago, but I feared she wouldn't let me keep visiting Joe anymore because she would think we're doing unorthodox "things" at his house. I asked advice on a different forum, but I still seek more. Please help.


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Old 03-14-2004, 12:47 AM   #2
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Re: Keep dating silent?

Well, how would your mom define a boyfriend as opposed to jsut a good friend? Are you in love with this guy? I think it's nice when young girls can share things about their love relationships with their moms to get the benefit of their moms' experience, wisdom, etc. Would your mom freak out or would she be pretty cool about you having a boyfriend? Would she believe and trust you when you say you're not doing any hanky panky with this guy? Maybe the next time you guys are talking casually and he comes up in the conversation, you could say that you really like him, maybe even love him (if you do) and go from there.

 
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Old 03-14-2004, 12:23 PM   #3
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Re: Keep dating silent?

did it ever accur to you YOUR MOTHER does know but hasn't said anything to you? Mothers know more then YOU THINK and we do have eyes behind our head...Your 16 years old not 13 so wouldn't your mom let you date?

Maybe your mother is giving you the space that most 16 year olds want.
If your not a problem child with your mom then your mother is showing you respect and is waiting for YOU to tell her you have a boyfriend...

What is the big deal anyway? So your dating a guy? Your not sleeping with him and you sound like you haven't done anything wrong or given your mother any reason to not trust you...

SO tell her you and Joe have moved your friendship over to dating...That's how relationships start..........


 
Old 03-15-2004, 11:32 AM   #4
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Re: Keep dating silent?

So how old is Joe?

At 16 your mom should be letting you date but if Joe is like 22 then I can see your hold back.

I am sure she may figure somthing is happening or something is going to happen but the best thing you could to is be open to her. It doesn't matter what age he is. You know deep down what type of person he is and if you both went this long together then I am sure he is somthing special..Don't lose him but be honest with your mom.

 
Old 03-15-2004, 02:16 PM   #5
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Re: Keep dating silent?

I'll try to remember all the questions asked...

Joe is 17, about five months and a couple weeks older than me. And my mom is horribly overprotective of me. I think she would object to Joe and I dating because he lives in an apartment in a not-so-clean part of town with his unemployed mom and her boyfriend. But he's not into drugs, doesn't smoke or steal; compared to about 98% of my other friends, Joe is an angel. The thing that gets me about that is me and my mom lived in the exact same part of town - in fact, on the same block - as Joe six years ago when we lived with my grandmother. And also, she doesn't like him because he's a bit bigger than most guys his age (and she's most definitely no skinny-minny!!)

I think my mom just wants me to be unhappy because she never had a boyfriend when she was my age. She doesn't know Joe, but she's already decided that she doesn't like him, mainly because of his size and where he lives...and also because he's not in all college prep. classes like I am (he takes general classes, the level below mine) and she thinks he's stupid and will never amount to anything. In fact, one day when I was on the phone with Joe, she said out loud "I hope he's just your friend because I want you to marry a rich lawyer". Yeah, my mom tells me to get a good job in teh future yet she thinks I won't be able to support myself financially. Go figure.

I hope I got all the questions...


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Old 03-15-2004, 02:35 PM   #6
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Re: Keep dating silent?

This is a great case of mommy just being protective of her daughter. Like stated before though you are 16 and this is your life and your decision. She can't stop you from liking a guy or dating a guy but as a caring mom she will voice her opinion.

My mom is the same way. I am 22 now and she still today will voice her opinion on alot of issues like me saving, cleaning, & doing this and that. She realizes I am 22 but still talks to me like I am 14. That is the type of person she is and always will be. I am trying to accept the fact that it is going to be that way and I am afraid to say you will to.

 
Old 03-16-2004, 05:58 AM   #7
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Re: Keep dating silent?

As a parent, trust me, there comes a time when we start to expect such issues with our kids. My son is 15.....my time is a coming!!! arghhhhhh

I'll probably be a nightmare!

 
Old 03-16-2004, 07:32 AM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Keep dating silent?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MadSkillzGal
As a parent, trust me, there comes a time when we start to expect such issues with our kids. My son is 15.....my time is a coming!!! arghhhhhh

I'll probably be a nightmare!

Hang in there "MadskillsGal" He will learn to respect you again after he goes through the independent stage

 
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