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Old 03-30-2004, 11:31 AM   #1
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aMuse HB User
Unhappy Boyfriend Mother Issues

My boyfriend doesn't like my mom. Plain and simple. He hates her. She's the overbearing really strict wants to be in control type of parent, and his parents have always been, the do what you want when you want, don't come home getting a girl pregnant or doing drugs and I'll be happy type parents. So it's really hard for him to deal with my mom. Anyhow. Lately it has been stressing our relationship because of it. He's also been working with his dad a lot lately and he can't stand his dad and he's stressing out about that and things just aren't going good, but I don't mind too much and just try to make him feel better. But I hate to see him in the condition he's in. He's a good guy, but is being made into a person he doesn't want to be by his dad. See, my boyfriend is an anarchist and his dad is one of those types that only cares about money. And his dad offered him a job with him doing roofing and he said he'd do it for awhile, then his dad got a DUI and can't drive for a couple months and so my boyfriend has to drive him around all the time. And my boyfriend hates cars, grrr... Anyhow. And while my boyfriend is hating all that is going on, his dad thinks his son is enjoying the money and his company and thinks he's getting back into the 'normal' way of life and will soon come around and stop everything that he used to do. I'm in love with the guy I know he is inside, but he's turning into something else. If I wasn't underage I'd just kidnap him and take him away from everything. Which we eventually want to do, but he has to wait till I'm 18. But I'm afraid by then he will have gone insane. I wish he would just talk to his dad about how frustrated he is. But he feels like he ought to do this with his dad for all the things his mom and dad did for him while he was growing up. Anyhow. I don't know what my point is with all this. Guess I just needed to vent.
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Old 04-02-2004, 02:42 AM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend Mother Issues

Firstly, some of what you were saying sounds like me with my first REAL boyfriend.
Though he did like my mother, he did think she was over-protective and all the rest that goes with it.
Fact is, your mother is looking out for your best interests, she loves you, so be thankfully shes looking out for you. Your boyfriend would be putting his own welfare before yours.
And besides, the family come with the person, you gotta accept the family.
Your boyfriend sounds like he might be over 18, which makes things a bit difficult. He might be at a stage in life where he is realising what the real world is like, and there are some things you have to do whether you like it or not. Like helping his dad with driving him around.
I mean, can you imagine how many times his dad has driven him places while he was growing up? I'm sure it wouldnt hurt to return the favour for awhile.

What you said about his parents kinda not caring what he does, contradicts what you said about his dad wanting to work with him.....but anyway, if he doesnt wanna work with his dad, then he'll just have to let him know.
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Old 04-02-2004, 05:00 AM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend Mother Issues

And now...the dreaded point of view of a PARENT!!!! RAWRRRRRR!!!

Let's address this bit by bit. I'm a mother of a son and a daughter so I can see it from both sides.

Now when I was young I remember my parents being VERY harsh with me and I could never understand why because infact I was a good girl. I gave no trouble, abided by most of the rules etc. I asked my dad why when I was about 18 and he said "because girls are like she-cats, they bring the troubles to the door step"....meaning in loose crude english....that it's ok for your bf's parents to say do what you want but be careful because if he was to 'do as he wanted' let's be fair its going to be YOU who might end up pregnant etc and basically what I am trying to say is that your parents know what goes on in the mind of a young boy (and its not only complicated - at times its freaking alarming!) and they are forever trying to stand in front of you to avoid any potential problems they can foresee....hence 'strictness'.

I'm very strict with my own kids (although I swore I would never be) and sometimes yes my kids do hate it too. I have a bit of a reputation amongst their friends and possibly most of them don't like me because I run a very tight ship and whilst I allow for immaturity I do not stand for disobedience, disrespect or downright stupidity. I try to drum into my kids there are two ways to live life...the right way or the wrong way and it's easier to adopt the right way NOW rather than to make several mistakes which may take years to put right. Ok you can argue kids need to learn certain things in order to experience them. But I don't want my kids to experience pregnancy, drugs, prison and such, so therefore whilst they live under my roof they live MY way.

Your boyfriend won't go insane it's just he's simply frustrated that your mum and dad can possibly see through him. Young girls like yourself are so dreamy, innocent and idealistic. I was too. They probably see the lusty looks he gives you or sometimes feel he is taking you somewhere they wouldn't approve of. Maybe not exactly these things...but you see my point?

You are at a stage where both of you have hormones on overload and sorry to say not much commonsense. As much as you think so now you may think you love him today but I guarantee you'll hardly remember him at 20! By then he'll be just another number in your past.

If he is older than 18, then he kinda needs to accept the fact that he's dating someone underage and all the crap that goes associated with that. Otherwise date someone over the age of 18 so he avoids it. He's young yes, but kinda needs to grow up. Sorry.

 
Old 04-04-2004, 09:22 AM   #4
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Re: Boyfriend Mother Issues

True that Madskillz... Age has a lot to do with it when you're a teenager, even if you're only 2 years apart (you're 17 and he's 19--eek)! I thought the same way when I was in high school and now I am only 20 but there is SO much that I'm going through emotionally that high schoolers don't even have to think about yet. If I were to go out with a highschooler, it flat out wouldn't work. Sorry but it wouldn't... It sounds to me like he may just be in it for the nookie unfortunately (watch out for that). I thought I was in love with my first BF but all he wanted was sex, and he would SAY anything or look at me any certain way to get it. Gross... Just be careful hun. He is going through awful stuff right now. You'll see when you turn 18/19 and have to start becoming independent. It sucks!! But hopefully he'll get through it if you really want to be with him. I hope in iether case you can figure something out. Good luck

 
Old 04-06-2004, 07:27 AM   #5
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Angry Re: Boyfriend Mother Issues

About 2 months ago, I met my uncles girlfriend. She was really nice to me and stuff and she always talked about her 16 year old son. My uncle suggested that i meet him and at the time i did have a boyfriend. Well the next week she brought her son's down and i meet him and we talked he seemed like a really kewl guy. After awhile i decided to break up with my current b/f because he wasnt my type. 2 weeks later my uncles g/f and her son came back over and we hung out and stayed up until 3 in the mornin to gether. Finally i gave him my phone number and we kept in touch a week later he called me and asked me out. We've been dating and he comes over every other weekend. All of a sudden his mom hates me. When she comes over and we are together she says stuff to my b/f that is suppose to be making fun of me. When i call his house she lies to me and tells me that he isnt their or that he cant talk. I figured out the reason why she dont want me with him and it's because he smokes Weed. Well little does she know that i do to. I dont know how to convince this woman that me and her son really like eachother and she needs to get over the fact that we are together

 
Old 04-06-2004, 08:59 AM   #6
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journalistic HB User
Re: Boyfriend Mother Issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by lilbitty_crazie
About 2 months ago, I met my uncles girlfriend. She was really nice to me and stuff and she always talked about her 16 year old son. My uncle suggested that i meet him and at the time i did have a boyfriend. Well the next week she brought her son's down and i meet him and we talked he seemed like a really kewl guy. After awhile i decided to break up with my current b/f because he wasnt my type. 2 weeks later my uncles g/f and her son came back over and we hung out and stayed up until 3 in the mornin to gether. Finally i gave him my phone number and we kept in touch a week later he called me and asked me out. We've been dating and he comes over every other weekend. All of a sudden his mom hates me. When she comes over and we are together she says stuff to my b/f that is suppose to be making fun of me. When i call his house she lies to me and tells me that he isnt their or that he cant talk. I figured out the reason why she dont want me with him and it's because he smokes Weed. Well little does she know that i do to. I dont know how to convince this woman that me and her son really like eachother and she needs to get over the fact that we are together
Here is a novel idea. How about the both of you stop smoking marijuana? It's not smart, it's not safe. It's not something parents or anyone else should just "get over" because you're "gonna do it anyway."

Perhaps if you can make her son quit, she'd end up loving you.

 
Old 04-06-2004, 09:09 AM   #7
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Re: Boyfriend Mother Issues

Quote:
Originally Posted by journalistic
Here is a novel idea. How about the both of you stop smoking marijuana? It's not smart, it's not safe. It's not something parents or anyone else should just "get over" because you're "gonna do it anyway."

Perhaps if you can make her son quit, she'd end up loving you.

Couldnt have said it better

 
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