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Old 04-08-2004, 02:19 PM   #1
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Will M. HB User
Angry Can't get over something.

Hi,

Lately, for some reason, I keep feeling mad and frustrated about the fact that this girl I like used to have a boyfriend. I know it sounds imamature, but it never used to bother me before, until now. I know she doesn't have any feelings for him--at least I don't think so, but the other day she was waring a hat, that she said her ex-boyfriend gave it to her. After that I started feeling down. I don't know who this guy is, but I keep thinking to myself: "Why did she give him a chance, but not me?"

I'm friends with this girl, but how can I stop the fact that she used to have a boyfriend from bothering me!? It's driving me nuts, and it is lowering my self-esteem!!!!!!

Aaahhh!!!

Last edited by Will M.; 04-08-2004 at 02:25 PM.

 
Old 04-08-2004, 02:34 PM   #2
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JLKH HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

So you aren't dating this girl? Just friends?

Well look, think of it this way? Sometimes girls go for guys for reasons no one understands, not even them. I know when I was in high school I dated a couple guys that even at the time I was like "why am I giving him a chance?"

Do you know anything about their relationship? How it went, how it ended?

As for the hat, don't worry aobut that. Girls will keep things they like no matter who gave it to them.

And as for it bothering you... well sounds like the problem is is that you are upset that you aren't her boyfriend. The only thing you can do about this is either learn to be happy that you are her friend and treasure the fact that she IS with you as a friend. Or you can try and persue her as a girlfriend. Just know that this does carry a risk. But basicly you need to decide what you want? Can you be happy being her friend and not boyfriend? Or do you need to take the risk to try and be more with her?

 
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Old 04-08-2004, 03:33 PM   #3
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Will M. HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

Yeah, apart me feels upset that I'm not her boyfriend, I admit that. I am thankful that we are friends, but it feels like we don't have the same friendship like I have with my other friends(who happen to be girls, never dated or anything). I feel distant from her.

 
Old 04-08-2004, 05:59 PM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Will M.
Hi,

Lately, for some reason, I keep feeling mad and frustrated about the fact that this girl I like used to have a boyfriend.
Huh??

I am having a hard time trying to figure out if she is still with him or not with him. You say she USED to be with him but I don't why are you feeling down if she isn't with him.

If she is with him then I understand your thoughts but I need this covered before I can post. lol

 
Old 04-08-2004, 06:11 PM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Will M.
Yeah, apart me feels upset that I'm not her boyfriend, I admit that. I am thankful that we are friends, but it feels like we don't have the same friendship like I have with my other friends(who happen to be girls, never dated or anything). I feel distant from her.

K the more I gather the more I understand...lol

Anyways, Man and Women are 2 different species. The only thing we have in common is that we are mammels. Women complain all the time on how they can't understand us and we do the same to them.

Everytime we get into a relationship its always a new person so we have to learn there new ways. There is nothing wrong with learning about another person but sometimes it takes time and effort.

With this girl, even though you don't feel like your are her BF just be glad you are friends like you said. She may not be with this guy but she may like the hat.

I remember that I used to wear cloths that past girl friend gave me and thats because I liked the clothing. It doesn't mean I still like them, but I like the cloths. In this case she may not like him but like the hat.

If you feel so distant from her then why don't you get closer? tht is the only way that you can become a closer friend to her. You have a good heart from what I have read about you and she would be a fool not to accept you as a good friend or potential BF.

 
Old 04-08-2004, 07:43 PM   #6
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Will M. HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

Thanks, and sorry I wasn't to clear. She doesn't have a boyfriend, EX-Boyfriend is what I should have said. She is not dating anyone now, nor am I. She knows how I feel about her, and I've put it words(this is the girl I gave that letter too, and btw she loved it), She told me "We can be friends!" with a huge smile on her face, which made me happy anyway. I think things are getting better though. We did almost see a movie together along with a couple of other friends, but she had to go out of town. I'll just have to try again. This anxiety is slowly fading away, and I usualy feel better about problems once I see her, so hopefully this frustration will go away.

Last edited by Will M.; 04-08-2004 at 07:47 PM.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 07:07 AM   #7
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Will M.
Thanks, and sorry I wasn't to clear. She doesn't have a boyfriend, EX-Boyfriend is what I should have said. She is not dating anyone now, nor am I. She knows how I feel about her, and I've put it words(this is the girl I gave that letter too, and btw she loved it), She told me "We can be friends!" with a huge smile on her face, which made me happy anyway. I think things are getting better though. We did almost see a movie together along with a couple of other friends, but she had to go out of town. I'll just have to try again. This anxiety is slowly fading away, and I usualy feel better about problems once I see her, so hopefully this frustration will go away.

WIll,

Just take your time with things and don't push your fellings for her to her in a way that she may hold back. The letter was a great idea and now she knows how you feel.

But what she may need right now is some time to figure out what she wants. Continue being a good and caring friend. Hopefully she will see past that and give things a chance, but if she doesn't just be glad that she has chosen you to be a friend. And let me tell you that she is lucky to have a caring friend like you.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 09:59 AM   #8
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alwaysgod2 HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

I agree with Jeff. Theres so many things that goes through girls minds when it comes to boyfriends. There was this one guy who liked me sooo much, but i just saw him as a really good friend. He was the sweetest person i everknew and honsetly now... i wish i had gone out with him. I was soo afraid that going out with him would ruin our friendship and i didnt want it to. So i didnt go out with him. And now its to late cuz he moved. but what im trying to say is maybe thats how she sees you. As a really good friend. And she doesnt want yalls friendship to end when yall break up. When ever i see apotential bf i become friends with them first. but i try not to become great friends until we go out. Does this make any since?? Im gonna stop rambling on. i hope i helped some.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 10:20 AM   #9
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Will M. HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

I wish I knew what she was thinking! It's frustrating! I don't know if she'll want to go out with me, if it's just the two of us, but if it's a bunch of people she would. alwaysgod2, I can understand how you would want to be friends with a guy first, but the only thing that doesn't make since for me is, what your definition of "great friends" is?
Anyway, we've talking about getting kids together to go canoeing, and she sounded very excited, so that should be fun.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 11:28 AM   #10
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Re: Can't get over something.

great friends is having a guy friend that is like your bestest girl friend in the entire world. lol. Not saying that they act like a girl or anything. But like the person u call or go to when things are going bad. the person who u cry on their shoulder and always hang out with and junk.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 12:00 PM   #11
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Will M. HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

That's pretty much what I offered, and she knows that I am someone that she can trust anytime, in any situation. I wish it were Monday now, I feel like having a fresh start in the week!

 
Old 04-09-2004, 12:04 PM   #12
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Will M.
That's pretty much what I offered, and she knows that I am someone that she can trust anytime, in any situation. I wish it were Monday now, I feel like having a fresh start in the week!

Will you are a good person and a great friend...Look at it this way if you both date you would be in heaven , but if you both broke up then things may be different and she may not talk to you anymore.

I am sure you see both sides because you seem very smart and quike with things, but I want you to think about that & let me know what you think.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 12:13 PM   #13
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JLKH HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

Will, if she knows how you feel about her then that might be why you two are feeling some distance. She might feel kinda akward around you still. I'd just chill and give it some time. Just focus on being her friend and nothing more. If it becomes somethign more someday great. If not you've got a good friend and so does she. Also, don't let your feelings for her blind you from the other possible girlfriends out there! Maybe if you started dating you'd be more relaxed about being around her and then she'd relax too.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 05:03 PM   #14
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Will M. HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

Okay, I'm confused about something. What exactly is meant by the term "dating?" Is it the same as being in a relationship? I always thought that's something people do if they are in a relationship, or is it something people do to find out if they want a relationship together?

Anyway, the direction I want to go now, is to establish a closer friendship. I would be just as happy if we were close friends, becaus she's such a great person. If we could be more than friends, that would be great, and I hope it would last! But I'm only going to work on the friendship right now.

I didn't get to see her that often after I gave her the letter a week ago, because we got out of school early for Easter break, but we did talk. I'll have to see how our friendship goes next week.

If she happens to seem uncomfordable around me next week, how can I show her that it's okay to be relaxed?

Thanks.

 
Old 04-09-2004, 05:29 PM   #15
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JLKH HB User
Re: Can't get over something.

Well dating can mean either of those things. Some people say they are dating someone when they are in a commited relationship. Others will saying they're just dating meaning they're just going on dates with people but nothing serious. So it can mean either I guess.

If she seems uncomfortable just be straight with her. I don't know what your letter said but you can just flat out tell her that you don't want her to feel uncomfortable around you and hope your letter didn't make things akward for her. And then show her things are "normal" with you two by not mentioning it and just acting normal. It might take a couple days but if you aren't acting wierd eventually she won't either. Unles you said something really wild in that letter I don't know about.

 
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