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Old 11-16-2004, 11:52 AM   #1
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shygirl803 HB User
Help...depressed

xxx
Hi everyone,

I am new on these boreds, so I hope Im doing this right. I am 18 years old, yes still wet behind the ears, but I have an issue that is making me really depressed. My boyfriend of a year and a half just decided he needed a "break" from me. My boyfriend is 22 years old. He needed this break because he just found out from his friend that I was dishonest about something about 3 months ago. So here is what happened:
My boyfriend and I made plans to go to south street with my two friends. When I get to his apartment, he had two friends over and then told me he was no longer going to hang out with me. We got into an argument, and he asked me to leave his apartment. My friends and I left and about 10 mins. later he called and apologised to me. He told me that my friends and I can come over after going to south street, and he was going to go to his friends girlfriends friends house.(really confusing) We were driving down south street and a bunch of guys having a party because one guy was getting married soon. We went with them to a restaurant and to a few strip clubs. When I got to my boyfriends house, i just told him that me and my friends went to south street and the strip club, leaving out dinner, limo, and the 30 year old GUYS. My one friend told her ex boyfriend what happened (who happens to be my boyfriends friend). He then told my boyfriend and he called me flipping out. He was mad that i lied and kept it from him for 3 months. He wont let me come over and hasnt called me but to tell me to pick up the movies i rented. I am soooo upset because i love this guy with all my heart. I bought him the movie we saw on our first date and wrote him a 4 page letter today and left it in his apartment. I have been crying forever. I just dont know what to do to make it up to him. If anyone could give me some advice that could help please do so.

Thank you soo much
~Shygirl~

 
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Old 11-16-2004, 12:06 PM   #2
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help...depressed

You just went to a strip club..... Some people do see that as a big deal and its usually a reversed gender issue there. Its not like you cheated on him though. You made a mistake and we all make them. If he needs time to think then thats what he needs. There is not much you can do to make up his mind. You have done all you can do and now its just the waiting game. If you feel you can't handle yourself then maybe you should talk to someone professional about this. But as I said its a little mistake but big mistake to others. He needs the time and that all for right now. He is immature in a lot of ways also and I don't need to pont those out but maybe this is good for him to. Hang with some friends to get your mind off from things or tey to keep yourself busy. Take care and welcome to the boards.

Last edited by eightball61; 11-16-2004 at 12:09 PM.

 
Old 11-16-2004, 12:07 PM   #3
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Help...depressed

Shygirl, I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. I know it's a hurt like no other. But if this happened the same night he told you, in front of his and your friends, that he no longer wanted to be with you, he had pretty much cut you loose. Even if he did call and apologize. To break up with you in front of his and your friends like that was incredibly tacky and disrespectful. It sounds like his ego is bruised because you didn't spend the night crying your eyes out pining for him. Instead you went out and had some fun with your friends. You met some older guys and partied with them. No big deal as far as I can see. There was no sex involved with these older guys, no? No kissing, no making out, no anything like that? It could be he still didn't really want to be with you and was just waiting for an excuse to dump you so he won't look like such a bad guy. But what's done is done. You've apologized, you've told him nothing happened, if he doesn't consider you worth getting over it, then you can't force him. But for what it's worth, it sounds to me like you're so much better off without him anyway. Take care.

 
Old 11-16-2004, 01:27 PM   #4
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Help...depressed

I'm sorry, did I miss the part where you two are engaged? or married?
The part where dating now includes never speaking with people of the opposite sex or having them around socially??
Sounds like you've just avoided living a life of being controlled by a jealous and possessive man...
Once you get past the initial hurt I am hoping you'll return here to celebrate when you finally meet the guy who you not only love, but who is the RIGHT guy for YOU.

 
Old 11-16-2004, 01:42 PM   #5
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healthseeker HB User
Re: Help...depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
I'm sorry, did I miss the part where you two are engaged? or married?
The part where dating now includes never speaking with people of the opposite sex or having them around socially??
Sounds like you've just avoided living a life of being controlled by a jealous and possessive man...
Once you get past the initial hurt I am hoping you'll return here to celebrate when you finally meet the guy who you not only love, but who is the RIGHT guy for YOU.
Bravo Ruth! I just want to say ditto to this!

 
Old 11-16-2004, 07:00 PM   #6
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soulster HB User
Re: Help...depressed

Why did you leave out the 30 year old guys you hung out with? Did you just forget or were you afraid of what his reactoion might have been? I dont know, you are 18, but it seems to me like going out with other people besides your SO is another way of saying I feel like being single for the night. I just went out with a couple of friends the other night to a club.. and the cousin of my friend was all over a guy at the club, making out on the dance floor and she is married and has been for the past 8 years with two kids. No one says anything to her, except that the guy was a geek and she could have done better. What, did I miss something- is this just the way it is now?
I know you may not have done anything yourslef, but since you forgot to mention these guys your guy might be thinking that you left out other more important details as well, so I kinda see where he could be coming from. Maybe you can talk to him about it and tell your side of the story, that might calm him down.

Last edited by soulster; 11-16-2004 at 07:17 PM.

 
Old 11-17-2004, 05:24 AM   #7
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Help...depressed

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but you are single (not married or engaged) and there were older guys around (but you weren't kissing, groping, etc as far as I can tell).

Big difference to me from a married woman dancing with and kissing anyone (geeks includeded!!) in a bar.

Granted, an 18 yr old doesn't always know how to say I went to "whereever" and "there were guys there (of course) too" to a boyfriend who possibly is a little possessive?

Honest, when did dating turn into monogamy/ownership? Was it when the physical relationship started creeping in sooner and sooner to the beginning of a relationship??

I think shygirl should welcome the break and may just discover that she enjoys hanging out with friends (not TOO much bar stuff tho!) and meeting new people - both male and female.


 
Old 11-17-2004, 06:39 AM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help...depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but you are single eople - both male and female.


She is single now.....From what I gather she went to a few strip clubs and never told her boyfriend until 3 months latter. Now he is mad at her and doesn't want anything to do with her because he kept it from her. To me it was a mistake and she should have been opened and told him. Now she he is mad because of the lie and doesn't want anything to do with her. I call it a lessoned learned and advise her to be more open in the next relationship.

 
Old 11-17-2004, 09:29 AM   #9
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soulster HB User
Re: Help...depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
She is single now.....From what I gather she went to a few strip clubs and never told her boyfriend until 3 months latter. Now he is mad at her and doesn't want anything to do with her because he kept it from her. To me it was a mistake and she should have been opened and told him. Now she he is mad because of the lie and doesn't want anything to do with her. I call it a lessoned learned and advise her to be more open in the next relationship.
Hey 8ball , she told him of the strip clubs but not of the older guys she and her friends met and went out to a restaurant with and for a limo drive. I am not saying what she did is equivalent to a married women making out on the dance floor with some geek... what I was trying to say was that since the latter from what I have heard happens ALL the time, wether married or in a committed relationship, her boyfriend might have thought that that was what happened as well since she didnt mention them. His imagination is probably running wild and that is why I suggested she talk to him and let him know nothing happened and why she didnt tell him to begin with. I dont know, if my boyfriend and his guy friends found some hot girls and went out to dinner with them and cruised the town in a limo with them and then conveniantly forgot to tell me about them and I found out thru a friend I'd be ****** too and would think there was more to the story than just that. SHe needs to talk to him.

Last edited by soulster; 11-17-2004 at 09:37 AM.

 
Old 11-17-2004, 09:39 AM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help...depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by soulster
that is why I suggested she talk to him and let him know nothing happened and why she didnt tell him to begin with..

I agree to that but he has shut her off. I have no doubt in my mind that his mind was running all over the place. Because when people usually come clean about things then the other person like him would start thinking the worse about other things. She does need to talk to him but its not going to be that easy the way he shut her off.

 
Old 11-18-2004, 11:30 AM   #11
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shygirl803 HB User
Re: Help...depressed

Hey all,
I want to thank all of you for your replys. I took most of the advice you have all given to me. I gave him time and waited for him to call me, which he did. I tried to explain that I didnt do anything with these guys. I let him know that I didn't blame him for being so mad, and your right his mind was running wild with crazy things. No I am not married nor engaged, but we have talked about it I am just not ready for that huge step yet. After our conversation on the phone, it still didn't go that well, so I went out with my friends to let him cool down. The following day I went to his house and we made up. I guess everything is back to normal, so i will never lie again, no matter how much it will hurt someone. THank you ALL again, and hopefully one day I can help all of you out with your problems.

Talk to you all later,

Shygirl

 
Old 11-18-2004, 02:41 PM   #12
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soulster HB User
Re: Help...depressed

Hey shygirl,

Glad everything is back to normal with your boyfriend. Just remember be honest in a relationship and judge for yourself next time what you should tell and what you can leave out.

 
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