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Old 02-13-2005, 05:55 PM   #1
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DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

Hey, I'm sure a lot of guys have my same problem, so hopefully this thread will help a lot of guys out. Here it goes - I am 18 and a senior in High School, but I have never had an intimiate relationship with a girl, in fact, I've never been kissed. Yeah, I know, it kinda crept up on me, I blame my friends. I've never been to a high school party, smoked (anything) or tasted alcohol because my friends are literally the only ones in the entire grade who don't do that stuff - like I said, it kinda crept up on me. ANYWAY (sigh), I'm trying to break out and experience life, but I need some help. Basically, how does a guy get noticed by girls. I've been trying to be more friendly,(saying hi to the popular girls I rarely talked to before), working out, paying more attention to my appearance, and trying to build up my confidence with girls.

However, I don't want to be viewed as the immature, nice, and shy guy. The guy no girl really pays attention to. Basically, how do I get girls to notice me without coming off as just a friendly, nice guy? I think having the guts just to go up and talk to girls will be appreciated, but I don't know how to act more appealing. I want girls to see me as more than just a chore to have to say hello to. These are girls that are just in my class, no one I really hang out with, so I'm just trying to be a smooth operator and get noticed, ya know?

Similarly, I like this girl who I've hardly ever talked to at all. To get to know her, do I just catch her in the hallway after class and start talking or is there a better way to go about it?

Also, if I'm trying to hit on a girl from a distance, is a 3-4 second stare wit a smile enough to let a girl know - hey I'm checking you out - or is that just creepy and rude?

I know this is confusing, but this can be like a general thread for all things of this nature, feel free to post whatever you think can help us out. I'll check back to see what you girls out there think and maybe I can get a little more specific.

Last edited by niceguy22; 02-13-2005 at 05:56 PM.

 
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Old 02-13-2005, 06:52 PM   #2
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by niceguy22
Hey, I'm sure a lot of guys have my same problem, so hopefully this thread will help a lot of guys out. Here it goes - I am 18 and a senior in High School, but I have never had an intimiate relationship with a girl, in fact, I've never been kissed. Yeah, I know, it kinda crept up on me, I blame my friends. I've never been to a high school party, smoked (anything) or tasted alcohol because my friends are literally the only ones in the entire grade who don't do that stuff - like I said, it kinda crept up on me. ANYWAY (sigh), I'm trying to break out and experience life, but I need some help. Basically, how does a guy get noticed by girls. I've been trying to be more friendly,(saying hi to the popular girls I rarely talked to before), working out, paying more attention to my appearance, and trying to build up my confidence with girls.

However, I don't want to be viewed as the immature, nice, and shy guy. The guy no girl really pays attention to. Basically, how do I get girls to notice me without coming off as just a friendly, nice guy? I think having the guts just to go up and talk to girls will be appreciated, but I don't know how to act more appealing. I want girls to see me as more than just a chore to have to say hello to. These are girls that are just in my class, no one I really hang out with, so I'm just trying to be a smooth operator and get noticed, ya know?

Similarly, I like this girl who I've hardly ever talked to at all. To get to know her, do I just catch her in the hallway after class and start talking or is there a better way to go about it?

Also, if I'm trying to hit on a girl from a distance, is a 3-4 second stare wit a smile enough to let a girl know - hey I'm checking you out - or is that just creepy and rude?

I know this is confusing, but this can be like a general thread for all things of this nature, feel free to post whatever you think can help us out. I'll check back to see what you girls out there think and maybe I can get a little more specific.
The most important part of attracting girls is to be quietly confident, but not arrogant or overly aggressive. I'm a bit older than you and have had lots of boyfriends, along with many guys that pursued me who I wasn't interested in. Your idea about striking up a conversation after class or in the hallway is a good one--remember that as a guy, sexist as it sounds, it's your responsibility to make the first move and let the girl know that you're into her. You won't get anywhere just looking at her if you don't make an effort to talk to her and demonstrate your interest. Not that it's bad to look at her--in fact, it's usually the first hint (from a girl's perspective) that a guy likes her, particularly if he smiles and then looks away when she catches his eye. You could also call her on the phone if you'd feel more comfortable with that than approaching her in person, assuming she knows you well enough not to think that's completely random or ask "who?" when you tell her who you are. Once you've made an effort to approach and chat with her a few times, she'll most likely realize you're interested in her, even if she continues to play it cool and not let on that she knows what you're up to. This is all part of the whole dating game stuff--for the most part, girls expect you to be self-assured and brave enough to pursue them. If you succeed in having a couple of conversations with her that seem to go well in terms of her being pleased to talk to you, then go ahead and ask her out. Don't wait too long or she'll start to question if you really like her and/or think you're not bold enough for her liking. I would also make an effort to start being more sociable in terms of going to parties and hanging out in groups outside school. You don't have to drink or anything if you don't want to, but this will definitely increase your chances of connecting with a girl. Don't think coming across as a "friendly, nice guy" is a bad thing--while some girls only like "bad boys" who cheat or hit them, the vast majority like sweet but confident guys who seem interested in them. Don't be afraid to approach girls and start up casual conversations--even if a girl isn't interested in you, at least you'll gain valuable experience and come across better to the next girl. Good luck!

 
Old 02-13-2005, 07:40 PM   #3
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

ditch your loser friends, get yourself a new image, find your new friends, get a new attitude, lets see your got 3 more months in highschool, umm just go all out man, just go for the girls act out more in class, try to be funny, get in fights, stop being nice all the time and be the aggressive overly testerone injected guy. From my experience all the girls like that. They like a guy who can protect them and a guy who is brave, goodlooking not some wimpy nice guy whos afraid to kiss you on the cheek. They like stuff that constantly surprises them and keeps things fun. If i were you i would save this stuff for college life, cuz highschool is lame to begin with, college is when it gets fun

 
Old 02-13-2005, 08:53 PM   #4
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

Thanks for the help guys - snails that was awesome, I'm definitely gonna be more "bold" when dealing with girls - it's all about proving u have confidence right? I guess guts go A LONG way in th game.

Warren G, man, I was not expecting that. Dude, we should seriously start talking, I wanna know if u actually did all that stuff you said I should start doing. Also, I'm a pretty shy guy, but I have confidence and guts to do a lot of the stuff my friends r too timid to do. It's funny u should say that stuff, I'm actually working on getting to be better friends with some other people. How do I change my attitude? And dude, I can go for the girls, but I don't wanna come off like I'm trying too hard or like I'm over my head. Ne tips in that department, especially in a very brief classroom setting? Also, do I have to keep up an attitude every day, that can be seriously tough work man. Typically, I'm the strong, silent type and when I'm nervous I often start using big words - by the way, is that good - using big words? I'm already in college and I can't wait, a fresh start - I am not worried about college man. I'm worried that my lack of experience in HS will put me at a disadvantage when I get to college, what do you think about that?

 
Old 02-13-2005, 09:04 PM   #5
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

Hold up Warren G, "If i were you i would save this stuff for college life, cuz highschool is lame to begin with, college is when it gets fun" - save what stuff for college?

 
Old 02-14-2005, 03:19 PM   #6
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

From what I have observed in girls is that they're full of crap when they say they like the nice guy. I wish they would just keep it real instead of trying to look like little angels. It's funny when they say something and their actions say the exact opposite. That's why when you talk to a girl it's good to listen to what she says but it's more important to read her body language because that will never lie. If a girl was faced with the decision between some preppy nice guy or a bad boy with a soft interior, they'd go the guy with the bad boy image everytime. You know why this is? Because girls like guys who are mysterious and unpredictable. If you're a nice guy all the time then the girl is going to know what to expect everytime but if you keep it spontaneous you're always going to have the girl guessing. Exude confidence and you'll be straight. If you can't pull off the bad boy image then don't even attempt it because you'll look fake. Take Snails advice and get into the party and social scene. You'll come across a lot of different girls and you'll learn how to approach them, and if you get rejected so what. Everyone has gotten rejected at one point or another.

There's nothing wrong with using big words because it shows that you're educated; however, if you're using them because you're struggling to express yourself, then the girl will sense this.

Last edited by ForgottenFaith; 02-14-2005 at 03:22 PM.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 04:53 AM   #7
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

Hey Snail, I have same problem as niceguy except I am sort of a mysterious and unpredictable and I already have a girl I want to talk to. I have her in 4th period and I would like your advice on what to talk to her about after 4th period is over? She already know that I noticed her and stuff. So all I gotta do is to "bust a move". Thanks

Last edited by ripod; 02-15-2005 at 03:29 PM.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 08:03 AM   #8
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

Coming from a woman's perspective, I will tell you that typecasting yourself into heading's such as "bad-boy" or "nice, sensitive guy" is where you are going all wrong...I love a guy that does not fit into a mold, and you're right, is unpredictable. Placing yourself in these molds is only going to make you someone that you're not, and that is NOT a turn-on. I have had my share of boyfriends/guy's interested, and let me tell you, a guy pretending to be something they're not stuck out like a sore thumb at parties, school, etc. No girl wants a "fake" guy...they want the girl deal...whether that be shy, sensitive, bold or obnoxious, that's for you to figure out. Just be who YOU are and radiate that...girls that are worth your time will pick up on these vibes.
and i agree with snails - quiet confidence is key. trust me, girls will pick up on this. be confident in who you are, your interests, and don't conform to any stereotypes.
good luck! mf2
ps. Staring is a nice way to get a girls attention, just don't stare obsessively, and when you catch her eye, smile, and look away. i love a guy that is confident enough to look a girl in the eye.

Last edited by mf2; 02-19-2005 at 11:20 AM.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 08:28 AM   #9
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

I'm never on this particular board, but when I was scrolling through and saw this heading, I had to come in.
Let me start by saying that because this is an anonymous site, I can be totally honest without seeming arrogant and say that my whole life I was the pretty popular girl and always had guys liking me and always had a boyfriend. I remember in high school a guy that was completely "dorky" trying so hard to get noticed by my friends and I and even started calling us. This is NOT the way to go. I don't care if it's practice; you will look stupid and be made fun of behind your back. In retrospect, I feel horrible for that because I've realized why he was doing it.
My advice to you is this - even as the girl that was pretty, I can tell you as a young adult now (I'm 24) that your "status" means pretty close to nothing in the real world. You need to be who you ARE. Being genuine truly is the best way to find a girl that you will love. Scoring, getting drunk, smoking up, that seems so important in high school and especially college - trust me, I did all three. But looking back, if I had just been ME, someone who really didn't even believe those things were right, my path would have been smoother, I think.
You don't need to worry that you haven't kissed a girl yet. I know that has to be hard being that eveyone around you has. But catching up with those around you sincerely should not be a priority for you. You sound enthusiastic, kind and honest. There are plenty of girls out there (BELIEVE ME) that are looking for JUST that. That's who you are. There are TONS of girls who would be honored to be your real "first kiss". You have to be patient and please don't get caught up in the crap that seems so important right now. I dated most of my high school and college careers the guys that were always the best at everything - had the most parties, the best clothes, and the "hottest". But there is a down side to that. They all had tremendous pasts with many sexual partners, angry ex girlfriends and they weren't the most virtuous people. I was recently married. And you know who he is? He was the guy in high school who didn't drink until he was 21!!!! Never smoked a cigarette and NEVER done a drug. I realized what was important and now I have a long life of honesty and respect ahead of me. Be true to who you are and you will win in the end. I wish you the best! Sorry this was sooo long.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 10:10 AM   #10
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

I agree that the nice guy wins out. I too married a WONDERFUL man who was very shy throughout high school (and even college to some extent), and was a virgin until we got serious with each other. I would not have it any other way.

On the other hand, it wouldn't hurt to call your crush. You *may* look dorky, but whatever. I used to be really shy too, and I'd force myself to call guys I liked, and made an absolute fool out of myself. But I learned a lot of social skills along the way! (Like, they don't bite!)

However, if you decide to do that, make sure you have something to say. Write a script! A good one. (Hubby recently told me he did that when we started dating. I never would have known!)

You'll do just fine. Be the nice guy and you'll end up with a nice girl!

 
Old 02-15-2005, 10:18 AM   #11
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

I have to add something else. You gotta realize when it's NOT cool to make a move. In college, make sure you look for a ring on her hand!!!! If you see one, hello! Back off. Some guys honestly don't know these things. And, don't use lines like "Wanna wear my jacket" when her jacket is hanging on the back of the chair.

I swear, there are some guys out there that do these things.

Confidence is the key!!!!!!!!!

 
Old 02-15-2005, 02:49 PM   #12
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

There's been lots of good advice posted here...I hope some of you guys find it helpful. I think the most important things to remember is not to try to be something you're not and to project quiet confidence in the person you are. If you stay true to yourself, you will attract girls who are compatible with you as you really are, not girls who are attracted to an image you're projecting that doesn't reflect your real personality. You don't want to be with anyone who doesn't know who you are deep down and likes you for you. Why bother pretending to be someone you're not? You'll only attract girls who like you for that image, but probably won't be as interested in you once they get to know how you really are. You're much more likely to find the right girl for you if you always be yourself and demonstrate that you're very confident with the person you are.

Iceman, as far as starting up a conversation with your crush, there are several approaches you could take. You could start off with some small talk about the class you're both in, the teacher, the other students, etc. Try asking her about friends you have in common or people you both know. If you know of any parties or other social events coming up, you could mention those to her and ask if she's going (that might give you a read on whether she'd be interested in dating you; if she sounds enthusiastic, maybe you could ask if she'd like to go to the party or dance or whatever together). Or you could ask if she has anything interesting going on that weekend and see if she makes an offer to include you in some of her plans. Just try not to seem too nervous or formal when you talk to her--keep it friendly and casual, just like you'd talk to a close friend. Good luck!

 
Old 02-15-2005, 03:31 PM   #13
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

Quote:
Originally Posted by mf2
ps. Staring is a nice way to get a girls attention, just don't stare obsessively, and when you catch her eye, smile, and look away. i love a guy that is confident enough to look a girl in the eye.
Yep, I do that to a girl I like but one thing, just because she smile/grin back doesn't mean that she is interested in you. If that were the case, why, I would have couple of girlfriends by now.

Last edited by ripod; 02-15-2005 at 03:32 PM.

 
Old 02-15-2005, 05:30 PM   #14
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

A few tips:

---Do not talk to much. Talk when it is neccessary ( Talking is annoying, and you probably have some friend or know someone who just talks, and is very annoying. So keep you mouth shut.)

---Spend more money on your looks. ( hair, kicks, clothes, tanning, loose wight, gain muscle )

---Join athletic groups. ( soccer, football, basketball, baseball maybe, wrestling. ) Girls go for guys who are on sports teams.

---Try to stay away from your friends. By staying with your friends, "popular guys and girls" won't talk to you because its not just 1 nerd they need to talk to, its the whole group u hang out with. They loose points themselves and do not talk to you

---Use your skills to your advantage. ( if you are smart, offer help to others, if you are talented somehow, offer help to others )

---Quit Nerdy stuff. ( band, sheakspeare, theatre classes, drama, tv ****, )

---Don't talk much with teachers. Dont be a suckup.

Hope these help. They do work, just be careful on what you do, you can over do them. Example: not talk too much? You can be heading for the quiet guy who NEVER talks. so watch what you do.


PS-As for not being laid, kissed, w/e. Keep it cool. I lost my v when i was 14, get laid every 2weeks or so. Girls love me. I do not feel any different than the other guys. ( virgins ). It is something people do not really care now.

Erind.
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Old 02-15-2005, 08:28 PM   #15
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Re: DESPERATELY Need Girl Advice For an Unlucky Guy

Icyman - No doubt you're going to come across a lot of staring action in your lifetime with no results...but one day, you're going to catch the eye of the right girl, and everything will fall into place... Plus it's always nice to exchange a smile with a stranger...it makes the day a little brighter!

Anyhow, back to the topic on hand, no matter what advice you want to take from this thread, I hope you never ever compromise who YOU are just to be accepted by people, liked by a girl, or otherwise. Likewise, I hope you never compromise friendships and your interests; they are a part of who you are. Conforming to these ideals of what you might think girls want only cripples your ability to find the right person...Snails had it dead on: If you stay true to yourself, you will attract girls who are compatible with you as you really are, not girls who are attracted to an image you're projecting that doesn't reflect your real personality.
And with that I just have to add the words of wisdom of Lao-Tzu...
"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."
mf2

 
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