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Old 05-08-2007, 12:57 AM   #1
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Thumbs down Problems with friends

I've been missing school a lot and I don't tell anyone why, not even my friends. I don't tell them because I feel like it's my business not theirs, and I don't want them telling everyone else my business. They are getting ****** at me because I don't tell them things about me. I honestly just don't trust people, I've been through things time and time again and people just let me down so I came to a point where I just said, "Screw it, I'm not telling anyone anything anymore!" My friends say that they tell me their secrets but I don't tell them any of mine. They make me feel like I'm such a bad person for not telling them things about myself! It's THEIR choice to tell me their secrets and I feel like they are trying to force things out of me that I don't want to tell them! Is it so wrong to keep things to myself? I thought it was a choice to tell personal things about myself to other people? Am I wrong? They keep asking questions and telling me I am so frustrating! What can I do?

 
Old 05-08-2007, 02:07 AM   #2
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Re: Problems with friends

Be careful what you wish for. Just think what it will be like when NOBODY is at all interested in you or anything about you. Yes, it is your business what and whether you tell your friends, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with holding some things private. Having said that, missing school, making your friends worry and then blowing them off sounds like a head game to me. What does it prove for you?

 
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Old 05-08-2007, 05:40 AM   #3
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Re: Problems with friends

I don't think it's necessary to miss school just to avoid your friends. But you can always pick and choose what to tell your friends about what you're going through, you don't have to tell them everything. I don't tell my friends every single thing about what's going on with me, but I do tell them when I'm really upset about something just so I can get their opinion on what they would do in my situation. It helps to get other peoples' ideas of ways to solve problems.

Friends are people who support us through our hard times. People who have a few really close friends on whom they feel they can lean on when times are tough are much more likely to get over it faster than someone who completely isolates themselves from everyone and never tells anyone anything. I think what you're doing is more harmful for you because you're not letting it out and talking about it. Why do you think people seek out therapy for their problems? Because talking about it helps release it and not keep it bottled up inside.

So, while I agree that you don't need to tell them everything, I think it would be important for you to connect with your friends on a level where you feel you can share some stuff that's bugging you so you can get their ideas and maybe lean on them for support whenever you're down. That's what friends are there for, after all!

Otherwise, you risk isolating yourself from everyone and possibly losing your friends. They are going to think you're not serious about the friendship when you keep shutting them out like that. I wouldn't stay friends with someone who refused to tell me what was wrong when they were upset because I'm a very helpful person by nature. It bothers me to see people I care about be upset. I try to do all I can to help them. And if they won't even tell me what's wrong, it really bugs me because then I can't help them! I'm sure your friends feel the same way about you. You should think about it.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 06:48 AM   #4
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Re: Problems with friends

It is your choice whether or not to share personal information. A good friend would respect your privacy.

On the other hand though.. a good friend wants to feel you trust them. You show trust by confiding in a person. They may feel that you don't value their friendship since you're not opening up to them. If you don't trust these people, why are you friends with them anyway? That's probably a question that has run through their minds.

Over all though, I believe a true friend would respect your wishes to not share, and patiently wait for you to be ready to share, if you ever are.. rather than constantly bugging you about it.

I'd tell your friends, "I have personal things going on that I just really don't want to talk about. It's private, I'd like to keep it that way. I hope you can respect that. And if I ever do want to share, then I need to at my own pace. The more you ask me about things, the less I want to talk about them." A mature friend will understand.

Good luck.

 
Old 05-08-2007, 03:30 PM   #5
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Re: Problems with friends

I've been hurt by friends that were suppose to be my BEST friends. Found out the hard way they were not true friends. Sure we hung out all the time told each other things that we would not share with other people or school mates. When you least expect it you friends may get annoyed with you and stop being your friend ony to spread your business all over school.

After being hurt back in high school and in the work place I have developed a new outlook on what to share with people. When people ask me things I do not want to share I tell them I'd rather not say. If they go on and keep asking only to bother me I ask them................ "How will your life benefit by knowing? Or...." your life will be better by knowing this how?" They usually can not answer me. They just stare at me all mad. I don't care if they get mad. I'm not going to share info with a person just to make "THEM" happy. They get over it eventually.

 
Old 05-09-2007, 10:32 AM   #6
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Re: Problems with friends

well they say out there that people are social creatures and cannot live without interacting with others. as seraph said before, you dont want to get to the point where nobody cares about you.
but again, its you decision what to tell and who. maybe you could just try to be a little bit more open with your friends(if you REALLY think the deserve it) and maybe tell them you were hurt in the past. maybe, if they are good people, they will understand you and try to help(that`s what friends are for).
if you think they cant keep a secret, or know that in the past, those people told somebody else`s secrets to other people then its normal that you cant trust them. try to get close to a friend or two, and share things with her/him.
lol and if they shared some of their private business with you, maybe they wont risk telling anyone what you said, fearing you may reveal their secrets as well.

 
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