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Old 02-27-2008, 04:15 AM   #1
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Strict Parents

Hello you all!

I am a girl in tenth grade with really strict parents. Do any of you have advice about what I could do? Here are some of the restrictions that they hold on me:

->I can only hang out with my friends 2-3 times a month.

Even if I have no homework on a school day, they will not let me hang out. I can understand this I suppose, since it is a school day and all, but that still means I can go out with my friends for only about every other week. When I am allowed to hang out with my friends, the maximum is for 3 hours. I talked to my parents about it, and they said the reason was that they didn't want me to be too influenced by my peers. The thing is, my peers aren't bad people. They're wonderful, loving people; they don't drink or do drugs; they rarely swear; they don't care what clothes you wear, they still accept you. The problem is,

->I'm not allowed to date until i'm 18. Even when I'm 18, I still can't one-on-one date yet. It has to be GROUP dating. I can start one-on-one dating when I'm 20. Plus, I can't kiss a guy until i'm married to him, much less have premarital sex, not that I want to.

YEA. Talk about strict. So when my parents hear about my friends going out with guys, making-out with them, and basically just normal teen stuff, they freak out. I'm a pretty responsible person; people know me as someone they can depend on. I get straight A's at school, so grades aren't a problem. I rarely break curfews, and even if I do, it's only at most by 10 minutes. I don't drink or do drugs. I'm a bit hot-tempered, so I talk to my parents rudely sometimes, but I've been working on that and have improved a bit. My parents actually noticed that, so that's when they upped the amount of times I could hang out with my friends per month. From 2 times to 3. oh what joy. So it's really hard for me try to prove myself worthy of more privileges when I'm already not that bad a kid. Though I must admit, my room is terribly messy! Perhaps I could work on that..

->I get $2.50 US dollars ($5 Sing) for allowance weekly, excluding all necessities. So basically, I have $2.50 to splurge each week. Um.. YAY. not. I had to get a job, but during school it's hard to work. My eighteen year old brother got an allowance of $5 Us dollars ($10 sing) per week before he graduated from high school. It's not that my family's poor; we have a pretty average income. My brother and I have to depend on money from rich relatives during holidays such as Christmas.

->I have to dress conservatively. No tank-tops. No mini-skirts or short shorts. No bikinis of course. I can wear a moderate amount of make-up when I'm 16. Thank goodness I'm allowed to wear make-up at all.

I sat down and had a chat with my parents to talk about all this. My parents are nice and fair people. They listen to what I have to say. However, they are very conservative people, yet modern in other ways. I can't help but feel SO suffocated. I compare my circumstances with my friends'. I feel left out because I can't do the things that they do. I can't relate to them on some things. I know my parents want the best for me, but... they're SERIOUSLY strict. I'm not asking for much.. I've already tried talking to them so I don't know what else to do...

Any advice you could offer?

Thanks!
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Old 02-27-2008, 09:30 AM   #2
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Re: Strict Parents

Other than talking to them, or lying.. I'm not sure there is much you can do besides put up with it until you're old enough to move out.

The sad thing about strict parents is that, while they are only doing it for the safety of their children, they end up pushing their kids further away, and possibly push them to rebel and that's what gets a lot of young kids into trouble. For example, I knew a few girls in high school who's parents were very strict, but they were always the girls that ended up throwing crazy undre age parties, doing drugs and other things.

A good friend of mine had a father who wouldn't let her do much of anything at all for the whole time I knew her, she couldn't even see an R rated movie when she was 17. As soon as she graduated high school she moved away to college on the complete opposite side of the state, ended up pregnant and is now married to a man who is twice her age. I don't think she's been hoem more than 2 twice since moving to college.. and we graduated in 2001!! Its very sad actually.

I think you're parent's friend rule is probably the hardest to abide by b/c it does seem unreasonable. To get around this you could join after school clubs as a way to socialize. It's just a thought. If you're parents won't let you go out, maybe you can ask them to allow you to have friends over. IF they get to know your friends maybe they'll see that they have raised a daugther who makes good decisions when it comes to who she hangs out with.

The dating one might be something you just have to suck up and deal with. Honestly, you're not missing out on much!! haha Boys are fun, its fun to flirt and like someone and be liked back.. but very rarely do high school relationships last after graduation. In regards to boys, I think you're better off focusing on school, activities and just going with the flow and not getting involved in a serious dating situation. But.. if there is a guy that you'd like to date, and even get the chance to on occasion, I don't think you're parents would know, unless you told them or came home covered in hickies, if you kissed him. If you're smart and safe, there's no harm in a kiss. Just make sure that the guy you're kissing is respectful and doesn't push for more.

The difference in allowance between you and your brother is unfair. I'd definitely bring that back up with them. What's their reasoning in only giving you half of what they gave him??

Parents usually make rules to maintain order and respect. If you consistantly prove to them that you also deserve respect maybe they will bend a little and loosen up. Talk to them about it maturely. Have a list of reasons why you think you deserve to spend more time with friends. Give them a reason they can't say no.

Good luck to you.

 
Old 02-29-2008, 10:43 AM   #3
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Re: Strict Parents

I'm sorry things are tough for you! I'm sure your parents only want to look out for you because they care so much. Maybe they don't realize how hard it is on you even though you have talked to them. Do your parents happen to know your friends? I was going to suggest that maybe you can invite some friends over to your place so your parents can get to know them and see that they aren't bad people. There are SO many bad stories out there of what kids are up to, so they may just worry that some of this will happen to you. Whatever you do, just TRY not to get angry at your parents or things won't change. It is tough.. I know a LOT of teens that end up sneaking out and going partying because their parents are strict. I don't think all parents realize this will happen if you are TOO strict. I never drank or partied in high school until I moved out and went to college and even now that I'm of drinking age, I'm very responsible with it.

That does not seem too fair about the allowance. Nowadays I know that the price of many things, like seeing a movie, has really gone up! Even to buy some lunch out somewhere at a fast food place can cost more. Maybe you can negociate something a little bit higher with them and mention about what your brother had given to him. Maybe give them the prices of different things so they can see that you can't really buy much right now.

As with the dating, there really isn't too much you can do to change your parents' minds... but group dates definitely can be a lot of fun! If you really start to get close with someone, I think them meeting your parents can be a lot of help. I know my family felt better about me hanging out with my first close boyfriend after meeting him and having him over for dinner.

When I was in high school I also had a job (my senior year only) and my parents would also make me stay home during the week. They WOULD let me meet up wtih a friend of mine every now and then because we would work on homework together. I'll admit that a few times I snuck in a visit with my boyfriend in that study time! Oops! On the weekends I was allowed to see my boyfriend but pretty much only once a week. I just waited it out until I graduated from high school and then enjoyed seeing him more often! If it's the right person and the right friends, they will understand. I just think maybe if your parents get to know them better, they won't make you only hang out with friends for a few hours. Maybe they can let you do a sleepover or something so you can hang out longer.

Good luck to you!

 
Old 03-01-2008, 08:53 AM   #4
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Re: Strict Parents

When you turn 18 you can do as you want you are of legal age.

 
Old 03-05-2008, 12:58 PM   #5
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Re: Strict Parents

Quote:
Originally Posted by gardenandcats View Post
When you turn 18 you can do as you want you are of legal age.
This is true, but I know for myself I had to still go with some of what my parents wanted or I would be cut off financially. My parents pay for my apartment and college tuition (until I finish college) and I would not be able to afford it all without them... or I'd have a TON of student loans and I don't want that. However, if it got really bad with parents, that may be worth it!

Hopefully the parents will see that they are being too strict and unreasonable and can reach a negociation!

 
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