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Old 07-26-2008, 02:42 PM   #1
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Broke up with girlfriend, don't think i can handle it.

Hi..
I just broke up with my girlfriend.
The problem started ever since we started going out.
There was always this kid, Brandon, who followed us, I found him incredibly annoying, she liked him and found him hilarious. Anyway, he would always complain to me how i was "stealing her" away from him. He'd say were like a married couple, which is very untrue. We hang out with friends as much as we hang out with each other, however she was my first real love. I loved her so much.
Anyway, Brandon cause so many fight because of this, and made my girlfriend cry a few times because he is so nasty. After every fight, (minimum 7 fights) my girlfriend kept forgiving him and liking him again. At this point, however, in my case, he caused stress, depression, and pure hated towards him. When summer break came, we got in one more fight, he almost got his buff friend to beat me up because i called him full of ****. He made my girlfriend cry once again, and in the end, my girlfriend forgave him once again, but he didn't hang out with us anymore. When he stopped hanging out with us, i felt so much less stressed out, and much happier. My girlfriend had me under the impression that she was sick and tired too, and that he wasn't talking to him anymore, little did I know how much i was mis-leaded. At this point i was really frustrated, so I brought it to her attention how much i hate him, how he stressed me out so much, and how i was so much happier when he was out of our lives, and she said something along the lines of "I have too many jokes and insiders with Brandon that I'll always remember him and never hate him". At this point i was sick and tired, and I wasn't ready to be stressed anymore, so I said if she still continued talking to him and hanging out with him (which she often did, without me, because they would smoke together and i don't do that) then it wasn't going to work out with us.
And that was it.
Now I'm here, a few hours later, miserable, crying, shaking, head spinning, I don't know what to do.
Should I take her back?
If not, how can I get over her quicker. Keep in mind that I really, really love her.
Thanks,
David (14 years old)

 
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Old 07-27-2008, 02:48 PM   #2
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Re: Broke up with girlfriend, don't think i can handle it.

Dear amigoingtobeok - Sounds like your girlfriend and Brandon share a special friendship, but I think thats it. Just a friendship. Brandon may have some hidden feelings for her, BUT, he has crossed over deep into the "friendship zone". Thats a term you might've heard on "Friends". Once he's in the friendship zone, its hard for him to get back to the "Lets go out" zone. So, thats too bad for Brandon.

I used to, and still do, at the age of 40 have mostly male friends. Some of my best male friends from that age turned out to be gay.... I never knew .... til later on in life, after graduation and such... Anyway, I'm not saying that Brandon is gay. I guess what I'm saying is, Where most of my friends were and are guys, the first thing NOW, I would tell someone I'm starting a relationship with, is, most of my friends are men. You will meet them, but you must accept that fact ..and if you can't accept that, I need to know now. And now, I have been in a 10 yr relationship that is going great , because he does accept that fact. And my guy friends are just that. Friends.

If anyone told me whom I can't or can be friends with, they would be GONE.... out of my life... no one dictates that to me... what is this the 50's? I would think to myself.

If she loves you too, and you love her like you say, you need to accept Brandon as her friend too. Relationships are hard work!! Maybe they smoke alone together because they feel uncomfortable that you don't. Good for you! I have lots of friends that exclude me when they are doing things I don't approve of... that doesn't mean they don't respect me and include me during other times.

You can't just have it your own way. I would not only take her back, I would apologize to her for trying to dictate who her friends can and cannot be. Suggest that maybe you could work out certain times, or certain days or evenings, that will be, "just for the two of you". And unless of emergency, those days will stick, for just the two of you. At the same time, like it or not, you must try to accept Brandon just a little bit. Don't let stubborness or pride be the reason you have a broken heart. It really does sound like they are just friends,... at least in HER mind. Good luck!!! Sherbear38

 
Old 07-28-2008, 09:08 PM   #3
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Re: Broke up with girlfriend, don't think i can handle it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherbear38 View Post
Dear amigoingtobeok - Sounds like your girlfriend and Brandon share a special friendship, but I think thats it. Just a friendship. Brandon may have some hidden feelings for her, BUT, he has crossed over deep into the "friendship zone". Thats a term you might've heard on "Friends". Once he's in the friendship zone, its hard for him to get back to the "Lets go out" zone. So, thats too bad for Brandon.

I used to, and still do, at the age of 40 have mostly male friends. Some of my best male friends from that age turned out to be gay.... I never knew .... til later on in life, after graduation and such... Anyway, I'm not saying that Brandon is gay. I guess what I'm saying is, Where most of my friends were and are guys, the first thing NOW, I would tell someone I'm starting a relationship with, is, most of my friends are men. You will meet them, but you must accept that fact ..and if you can't accept that, I need to know now. And now, I have been in a 10 yr relationship that is going great , because he does accept that fact. And my guy friends are just that. Friends.

If anyone told me whom I can't or can be friends with, they would be GONE.... out of my life... no one dictates that to me... what is this the 50's? I would think to myself.

If she loves you too, and you love her like you say, you need to accept Brandon as her friend too. Relationships are hard work!! Maybe they smoke alone together because they feel uncomfortable that you don't. Good for you! I have lots of friends that exclude me when they are doing things I don't approve of... that doesn't mean they don't respect me and include me during other times.

You can't just have it your own way. I would not only take her back, I would apologize to her for trying to dictate who her friends can and cannot be. Suggest that maybe you could work out certain times, or certain days or evenings, that will be, "just for the two of you". And unless of emergency, those days will stick, for just the two of you. At the same time, like it or not, you must try to accept Brandon just a little bit. Don't let stubborness or pride be the reason you have a broken heart. It really does sound like they are just friends,... at least in HER mind. Good luck!!! Sherbear38
With all due respect, I'm not sure you really read my problem, which really burns me up after you finish saying something like that, and making me feel foolish and as if i made a mistake, which I did not.
Am I really supposed to accept someone who causes a LARGE amount of stress and unhappiness to me? Some who makes my girlfriend cry numerous amounts of times, and who almost gets me jumped by some buff guy who is looking for an *** to kick?
If Brandon was a nice kid, i would accept him no problem. Andie has TONS of male friends, she is exactly like you, but they are all really nice, and caring. I would NEVER complain to her about one of her guy friends for no reason. Thats not the kind of guy that I am. But he isn't a nice kid like them. He's a terrible, nasty trouble maker. And FYI, I'm sure he'd do anything he can to have my girlfriend as a girlfriend, he's probably really happy now that he knows we are done. This is the type of kid he is.
I'm sure your boyfriend accepts your male friends as you say, and I'm happy for you, but I'm also sure those guy friends are very nice and aren't mean, self-centered, no good, stressing guys like Brandon.

Last edited by amigoingtobeok; 07-28-2008 at 09:16 PM.

 
Old 07-28-2008, 09:52 PM   #4
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Re: Broke up with girlfriend, don't think i can handle it.

This Brandon kid sounds like a real problem. I know she's your first gf so your feelings are really tied up in this, but unfortunately, since she won't stop hanging around with that stupid kid who makes her cry, there's not much you can do about it. And actually, if you look at it from another perspective....would you really want to be with a girl who still wants to be friends with a kid who makes her cry all the time? If you think about this logically, this is just ridiculous for her to do that. And that's why you don't really need a girl like that in your life. You're just going to have to trust me that there are much better girls out there who aren't going to make such ridiculous choices. So I think you should do your best to put her out of your life and find a better girlfriend.

 
Old 07-28-2008, 09:54 PM   #5
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bob2009 HB User
Re: Broke up with girlfriend, don't think i can handle it.

does she want to get back with you. you haven't said that. do you think she is hanging out with him now. do you see her and does she talk to you. if she seems fine then i wouldn't bother cause a girl will let you know if she wants you back. she'll let you know fast. you seem like a nice guy and very protective of her. you took brandom and her problem and made it your own. when you were angry then they decided the problem was you. she should have protected you back. move on i say to another lucky girl.

 
Old 07-28-2008, 10:30 PM   #6
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Sherbear38 HB User
Re: Broke up with girlfriend, don't think i can handle it.

Dear amigoingtobeok, I did write my reply to you before I found your previous post, now dated 7-9, in which you were so in love, you were scared to break up. But the thing is, you wrote the post in the first place, which means you were thinking of breaking up even then. Your intense disagreement with my reply shows me thats what you really want to do, and your post from weeks ago shows you were thinking of it even then, so although I know its difficult, perhaps breaking up with her is what you want. It is what is good for you in your mind, maybe not your heart. Thats difficult, I know... But in the long run, going with your mind will be best for you, its been in the background this whole time. Good luck, sherbear38

 
Old 07-28-2008, 10:32 PM   #7
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Re: Broke up with girlfriend, don't think i can handle it.

dear amigoingtobeok, by the way, you really did not have to quote me, my post is right there, right after yours..... sherbear38

 
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