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Old 07-03-2010, 03:36 PM   #1
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First Love...Advice?

At random times, the thought comes up...
Will it last?

I'm a very optimistic person when I want to be, and I'm driven to getting what I want. My boyfriend always is too. We've been together two years and we often hope and know that we'll be together for a long time. We're almost 16.

How was your first love like?
He's my first, and as naive as I may be, I don't want someone else, and I feel extremely saddened at the thought that it could ever end. Yet I think- how could it? We both have a strong relationship now that can obviously be stronger as we go along the road, but it was very weak at first.
And also, I did emotionally cheat a year ago. I had a close guy best friend I've lost all contact with (and I'm glad.) It does haunt me at times. Honestly, I don't see it as an excuse not to be with my boyfriend (oh, you're too good for me, I was horrible, you deserve someone else). It's not that- I grew from it and decided to give him the best I've got and oh gosh... he appreciates that and showers me with love.
My question is, why would that make him a fool? I saw this other post...and they always say a cheater is always a cheater and it's 100% guranteed that they'll do it again,so you're a FOOL to take them back.
I will not make excuses for what I did. My "emotional needs" were being met by someone else, but for a year now its met by my boyfriend, who proves to be far more understanding than the best friend I had. But I want to tell you that I don't feel like he's a fool, and I am grateful for him every day, and show him that I love him.

What do you think?
It bothers me because I know I'm not the same person I was at that time.

Last edited by GenGen*; 07-03-2010 at 03:39 PM.

 
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Old 07-03-2010, 04:18 PM   #2
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Re: First Love...Advice?

GenGen, I just read your situation about your parents, and I think that you are worried about you and your boyfriend because you are worried about your parent's marriage.
There are no guarantees in life, when it comes to relationships. Just be yourself and try not to over-examine your relationship, yet be aware enough to see red flags.
I was thirteen when I fell in love for the first time. It was a wonderful experience,
it lasted about a year. It just wasn't meant to be. On the other hand, my sister and her husband have known each other 30 years and have been married for over 20, and they have been boyfriend and girlfriend since they were both 16, so anything can happen!

Sue

 
Old 07-05-2010, 02:11 PM   #3
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Re: First Love...Advice?

Oh, Sue, thank you!
And yes, I noticed that too.
I didn't want us to argue like my parents do, and I can happily say that we've improved on that. I didn't just do it because of my parents though.
Also, as much as I hate to say it out of fear, if a relationship ends reasonably, then it simply wasn't meant to be. I hope we end up like your sister and her husband; love takes hard work yet I believe we would give it our all.
I need to stop worrying!
Thank you again Sue!

 
Old 07-07-2010, 08:47 AM   #4
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Re: First Love...Advice?

It sounds like you two are doing great and learning well from your experiences without getting led down the wrong path first. Don't feel so horrible about "emotionally cheating", yes it feels like a terrible thing but the truth is you can't control your emotions like that. And you did the best thing and the right thing for you by kicking that guy out of your life. And you have done well since.
I wasn't that lucky, I was 18 almost 19 when I fell head over heels with my first true love and he was 17 almost 18 and I was his first love as well. The relationship lasted 2 years but at the year and 1/2 mark he messed up but we tried to work it out, then I messed up by being vurinable and upset and letting my feelings come back for my ex before him. I regret so much from that whole experience, I was weak and I held on to such petty little things that happend with him. It's 8 1/2 years since we broke up and I realized about 5 years ago how much I still loved him. Things had a chance of working out for a second chance 4 years ago but he went back to the recent exfiance who treated him terribly and i was left devistated. I still see him on occasion and it tears me up everytime because he is with a newer girl and engaged and planning on getting married this fall. I worry if she really really loves him or not, a part of me wonders if she is just with him because of secureity and he will make sure her and her kids are taken care of.
He will always have a very large piece of my heart and I just hope that i still have a tiny piece of his.
Hold on to this love if you think it's really something special. Always listen to your heart and be weary of your head because it can imitate your heart.

 
Old 07-07-2010, 09:50 AM   #5
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Re: First Love...Advice?

Irisheyez,
I'm sorry it didn't work out well for you. I know exactly what you mean. I do consider myself lucky because the break up was such a wake-up call that I needed to seriously put myself together or else I would lose him again.
I hope that someday he realizes how much you mean to him.
In the meantime, you should build your life.
Thank you for reminding me that I should listen to my heart, and that my head won't always say the same.

 
Old 07-07-2010, 09:51 AM   #6
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Re: First Love...Advice?

I mean build your life as in be the happiest you can be! I get scared that I may give off the wrong meaning, >.<

 
Old 07-12-2010, 07:29 AM   #7
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Re: First Love...Advice?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GenGen29 View Post
Thank you for reminding me that I should listen to my heart, and that my head won't always say the same.
Your defenately welcome!

 
Old 08-30-2010, 01:56 PM   #8
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Re: First Love...Advice?

Its a hard thought to get out of

My boyfriend firmly believes he'll want me and only me. I'm worried for him incase this is not the case!

I've spoken about this too, but the difference being is that I am the one who insists he has new friends, and doesn't rely totally upon me, and doesn't make me his life, and so on. That we always give each other space - sometime we don't talk/make contact for a day, or two, at a time. You are your own person and as much as you long to be with the other you both Need Your Independence.

Its to protect them. Imagine, as you have, if something went wrong one day, and he wasn't there? Just for instance, this is. Imagine, although you love each other more than allowed, more than you could ever believe possible, possible to want you so greatly... what if?

...Exactly.

What would you have left? A void. Who would you have? Well, not many friends, as you lovingly, and, admittedly, selfishly, only gave a damn for one another - no-one else really mattered just as much... but you believed he was your soulmate and that this is forever. Sometimes we have to kick back into reality and realise that forever isn't always forever, although you solemly promise it to be with them. Something could go wrong, and I'm not just talking about the relationship between you both, if you understand me.

All I'm saying is, Do Not Make Yourselves One Person. Its heartbreaking to see. Although it is beautiful, although it is so lovely for two people to crave and jump off bridges for one-another, the sad, sad tale is that the odds are aganist them that something will intervene and ruin your relationship, that you can't repair because of the overwhelming thoughts of "He should only love me, he broke my heart" or vice versa.

Respect one another, respect human nature that, of course, you are going to be attracted to other people from time to time. Your attitudes to how you deal with those challenges will then determine how strong a bond you have.
I wish you both every happiness you deserve.

 
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