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Old 10-21-2010, 03:35 PM   #1
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Totally unruly Teenager

I am at the total end of my tether with my 13yr old daughter.....

She is obnoxious, rude, and so disrespectful towards me, its unbelievable.

She is fine with most other people in her life, except her Father and mostly me.

I do everything i possibly can for her. I drive her anywhere she wants to go, i try to the best of my ability to give her what she needs. But if , as parents have to sometimes, i say no to something, she goes nuts, she shouts at me, says the meanest of things to me, and will not come out of a mood until she gets her way.

Tonight was the final straw, after running her places today, i asked her to leave from where we were, she didnt want to leave, and she ranted and raved at me. I asked her father if he would back me up because she is treating me like a peice of rubbish, and he said he would only do this if i let him take over. But he will totally come down on her so hard, which i dont mind, but some of the things he will stop her doing, will affect me too so i wil suffer. I just dont know what to do with her anymore. I just cannot reason with her anymore, and i have lost control of parenting her. I dont know how to get that back.

Last edited by Worrybucket; 10-21-2010 at 03:37 PM.

 
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Old 10-21-2010, 03:46 PM   #2
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Re: Totally unruly Teenager

Quote:
Originally Posted by Worrybucket View Post
I am at the total end of my tether with my 13yr old daughter.....

She is obnoxious, rude, and so disrespectful towards me, its unbelievable.

She is fine with most other people in her life, except her Father and mostly me.

I do everything i possibly can for her. I drive her anywhere she wants to go, i try to the best of my ability to give her what she needs. But if , as parents have to sometimes, i say no to something, she goes nuts, she shouts at me, says the meanest of things to me, and will not come out of a mood until she gets her way.

Tonight was the final straw, after running her places today, i asked her to leave from where we were, she didnt want to leave, and she ranted and raved at me. I asked her father if he would back me up because she is treating me like a peice of rubbish, and he said he would only do this if i let him take over. But he will totally come down on her so hard, which i dont mind, but some of the things he will stop her doing, will affect me too so i wil suffer. I just dont know what to do with her anymore. I just cannot reason with her anymore, and i have lost control of parenting her. I dont know how to get that back.
I feel for you. My daughters were that way for a long time and I had to be very hard on them, but they now give me the respect I ask of them. It may take you being very hard on her. We as parents only get the respect we want when we demand it from our children. Your daughter sounds like she knows if she pushes you hard enough she gets what she wants. She knows dad is not going to do anything because the 2 of you disagree. That is where she has the booth of you. It does not help if your husband does not back you up. You 2 need to talk and come up with a plan on how she is to be handled. Parents cannot be split on this. Your daughter sees that, children see weaknesses in parents.

Good Luck.

 
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Old 10-29-2010, 07:29 AM   #3
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Re: Totally unruly Teenager

This problem with my Daughter is getting worse !!

Last night her Dad finally got involved after she shoved me for asking her to wash her hands after being with her animals.

She was told off by him, and then she shrugged her shoulders at him, and he flipped. He made her go to her room, and she was sTILL back chatting him on the way up. So he shouted at her again, and told her not to come out of her room at all. She stayed there all evening and didnt come down at all, he said she can go without her supper, but she had some biscuits and water already in her room which she had.

I asked her to apologise to both her Father and me and she is refusing, she says it wasnt her fault and she wont do it. Her father was going to take her out on a trip today and has now gone to work and wont take her. She doesnt give a damn. They are both very stubborn, and i cant see either of them backing down on this. My husband was right to correct and punish her, it was her fault. She flatly refuses to say sorry to him, and he will not let her have anything, or do anything until she does. So we are stuck in a no win situation with this now, i hate it. I worry for the future with those two, as they are very alike, and they clash big time. I feel my life is going to be witnessing battle after battle with them. It's been hard enough fo rme, as she is horrible to me, but i back down a lot, Hubby doesnt.

I just do not know what to do. Are there any of you who have been through this horrible strong willed teenage phase? although i think my child is way worse than most ive seen.

 
Old 10-29-2010, 01:24 PM   #4
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Re: Totally unruly Teenager

Quote:
Originally Posted by Worrybucket View Post
This problem with my Daughter is getting worse !!

Last night her Dad finally got involved after she shoved me for asking her to wash her hands after being with her animals.

She was told off by him, and then she shrugged her shoulders at him, and he flipped. He made her go to her room, and she was sTILL back chatting him on the way up. So he shouted at her again, and told her not to come out of her room at all. She stayed there all evening and didnt come down at all, he said she can go without her supper, but she had some biscuits and water already in her room which she had.

I asked her to apologise to both her Father and me and she is refusing, she says it wasnt her fault and she wont do it. Her father was going to take her out on a trip today and has now gone to work and wont take her. She doesnt give a damn. They are both very stubborn, and i cant see either of them backing down on this. My husband was right to correct and punish her, it was her fault. She flatly refuses to say sorry to him, and he will not let her have anything, or do anything until she does. So we are stuck in a no win situation with this now, i hate it. I worry for the future with those two, as they are very alike, and they clash big time. I feel my life is going to be witnessing battle after battle with them. It's been hard enough fo rme, as she is horrible to me, but i back down a lot, Hubby doesnt.

I just do not know what to do. Are there any of you who have been through this horrible strong willed teenage phase? although i think my child is way worse than most ive seen.
I know this is hard on you and probably seems like your family is falling apart. Have all of you tried to go to counseling. In the specific incident you cite I as a father would not back down either. My daughters when they were younger spent many days in there room and having restrictions.

Trust me there is worse and I personally have had much worst happen with my girls. You and your family need to find some counseling.

I know it is hard, but please hang in there. Talk to your husband about some counseling for your daughter.

 
Old 10-29-2010, 02:54 PM   #5
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Re: Totally unruly Teenager

My Hubby will not consider counceling. He had some himself a few years ago and says they bring out more upset. So thats out of the question, im hoping we can come through this together. They still wont talk to each other, they are both very very stubborn, but my husband was right, my daughter was way out of order.

 
Old 10-29-2010, 04:15 PM   #6
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Re: Totally unruly Teenager

I am sorry to hear your husband will not go to counseling. Yes sometimes it does usually get worst before better. You have to get to the root of the issues. If you agree that your daughters behavior was totally out of order I would hold the course. She has to realize that certain actions come with unpleasant consequences. If you and your husband work together it might be poss to change your daughters behavior. May be you and your daughter can go to counselling if that is possible. I think that this will take some time to solve. If both you and your husband cannot come to some kind of agreement on how to handle your daughter, your daughter will see that and continue on her course. Something has to change in order to solve your daughters behavior.

Been there so I really feel for you. You are in a difficult position. MAybe you can go to counseling by your self and maybe get some insight into other options.

 
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