This doesn't really have to do with sexual health, well it does a little but anyway this is probably going to be quite a long post...so sorry...if you don't want to take the time to read it, it's alright...I just really need to vent.
In my other posts and replies to people, I may seem like I'm O.K., but I'm really not. I've felt like sh*t lately, and I'm tired of it.
First of all, I'm struggling with parental restrictions. My mom and dad (about 2 months ago) found out a bunch of stuff I did and I was grounded for a long time and ended up having to go to Charter because they thought I was going to kill myself. They didn't keep me there, but I was put on Zoloft for depression and my mom made me start to see a counselor. One of the things I was grounded from was 2 of my very good friends. One's a girl, one's a guy. She grounded me from the guy because she found out I had sex with him. I miss him soo much and because I'm not allowed to have him over, I'm going to have to sneak around because I really want to see him.
It's not my parents that are the problem anymore, they are fine and I'm not mad at them for keeping me from my 2 friends, although it does upset me...but I just seem to be unhappy sometimes. Everyday while everyone else goes to work, I sit at home. I used to only sleep till about 8:30-9, and now I've been sleeping to 12:30-1. I don't know why because I still go to bed on the same time...so I have no clue <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif"> My medicine makes me feel better but it's like I need something more.
My parents also found out I had gotten high a lot, drank, and done speed. I'm really craving some speed but I have no way to get it and it's like I put on this act that drugs are horrible around my parents (b/c I have a cousin who is a drug-addict) when really I need some myself. I hope no one tells me I need to go to a rehab center or anything, that's not it. I don't know when I'm high or on speed or drunk, reality isn't reality anymore. Everything's different. You laugh at the stupidest things and everything is fun. You aren't worried about your problems and your not stressed, you just feel like your the greatest person in the world.
I miss my friends, I miss drugs, I miss my very best friend. Now, on to the story about my best friend. I just got back this past Saturday from Myrtle Beach with her. Her parents got all ****** at us while we were down there saying we were spending too much time with boys, etc., (sorry, but it's a long story and I really don't feel like going into it). So anyway, she got grounded for 2 weeks when we got back. She was supposed to go to King's Island with me this Sunday, but now she can't because her mom says she has some church thing to do. I don't think her parents like me anymore and that's a shame because she is my best friend and I'm hers. I'm worried they are going to lessen the time we get to spend together. I hope not because she is the sun on my cloudy days. I don't know where or what I'd be doing if I didn't have her.
I also have a problem with self-injury and crave to cut. My mom knows this because she saw the scars on my wrists. I usually can fight the temptation to do it, but sometimes I'll make a little scratch here and there and blame it on the dog. It just makes me feel better sometimes to take things out on myself. I don't know why but it's like you feel a sense of relief and comfort after cutting your own flesh...I don't really do that anymore. I'm actually a billion times bettew than I was, but my mom and dad have no clue I still would do drugs, have sex, sneak out, etc. if I hadn't gotten caught for all of it (which now makes me more cautious to do these things in fear I will get caught again).
What the hell can I do to stop feeling lousy? I'm excited about the whole modeling thing that's going on right now even though I still haven't checked it out totally but other than that I just feel down in the dumps and don't really know why. I miss my friends, I miss school and sneaking out because that's the only time I could really have a good time with myself and other people.
I don't know what to do, I don't know why I feel lousy, and I don't know why I'm suddenly really craving to do all the bad things I got in so much trouble for. I just need some advice. Maybe this is just a phase and it will pass soon, but for now I just need some help from you guys. Anything would be appreciated. Please no one think bad of me either having read this post. Thanks and take care. I will try to.
Much <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif">~Ashlee
idk how i could help u ashlee but just so u know im definitely here for u. i hope everything perks up, but i cant really offer advice. sorry. *huggle* all i can do is be here for u. :-\. sorry things arent great for u, hopefully it will pass!!! maybe the modelling thing will turn things around for ya ;-). well, im here if u need to vent... its good for ya anyway.
*huggle*
<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif"> Cazzy
hi... i'm very sorry to hear about all of this and that its happening to you. i know what it's like to be very depressed and feel dead inside. are u still seeing the counselor? i hope you are, and you probably don't like it, but the only way you'll get better is if you try to get better. a lot of people go to counselors/psychotherapists and don't try to get better, and never do. you really must try. this is what i've been talking about all along in my posts... it is so very easy to get caught up in that stuff in the teenage years. please for your sake, don't do drugs anymore, they will destroy your life. so will lots of sex. there are grave mistakes that can be avoided just by staying away from those two things. i know you don't want to hear a lecture, but i do care, and i know its hard. i'm not sure what else to do. are your parents compassionate people or not? if they are you should really spill your guts out to them. if they're abusive in some way, that would be a bad idea. just post back and let us know what else is going on.
hi ashlee
im not really good with all this advice thing as it is and to be honest i really dont know what to say...i totally understand what your going through i have a simliar story in some area's about the sneaking around seeing your best friend thing...i hate talking about it but anways...i have a very best friend i've known her since high school about 7 years we do everything together we even dress simliar to each other LOL when she turned 16 things were different she starting seeing loads of guys, having sex etc..dont get me wrong thats not a problem i respect her and that but some how the word got round and mom found out she stopped me from seeing her i was soooo depressed. My mom straight up assumed i was doing the same and that i was influenced by her mainly because i'd come in my house really late and i was out with her all the time, were not really as close as we were before because we go to different colleges and my mom now knows that were still friends and she has nothing to say about that..i know this isn't really making u feel any better but the key thing to do is talk to ur parents make 'em understand, u know a problem shared is a problem halved...u need to let ur parents know whats going on inside u trust me..u never know they might understand..we can only help u a certain amount and the rest is up to u...i really think talking 2 ur parents will help...
and the other posts are right maybe u should think about seeing some kind of therapist, or conseller...ur problems seem very serious. You need to TALK to somebody about it before its to late...GOOD LUCK ..i only wish i could do more to help
[This message has been edited by xKaShyLahx (edited 07-26-2002).]<p>[This message has been edited by xKaShyLahx (edited 07-26-2002).]
You are not going to like this, but I think your parents are on the right track. You have some serious problems and you do need a therapist. You said you want drugs. They won't help anything, just make it worse.
I know you don't want to listen to your parents, but think about this...and I mean seriously. What would you do if you were in their shoes and your daughter was doing the same things you are? I know that's hard to think about where you are coming from because you don't exactly know the consequences of your behaviour; your parents do. Sex won't make you better, drugs won't make you better, cutting yourself won't make you better. Cutting yourself indicates some very serious deep seated hatred. This is serious! <p>[This message has been edited by Angie E (edited 07-26-2002).]
Hey all...I do see a counselor...and I love her to death. She says I've improved faster than anyone she's ever worked with. And my mom knows I'm upset about her not letting me see those 2 friends. My best friend, I can see as much as I want because my parents love her, that is, as soon as she gets ungrounded. Can't a girl that used to do a lot of addicting things have a day where she wants all of them?? I didn't mean to make all of you think that I was some horrible druggie and sex addict...I was just looking for a place to get some support because lately I've just wanted to turn to all those things again (as a way of comfort). My parents would probably admit me to Charter if I told them sometimes I crave to sneak out, have sex, do drugs, sneak around, etc. They wouldn't be understanding they would immediately think I was doing those things again (when actually I haven't done any of those, except smoke cigs, which well...isn't that bad). And the cutting, well I just said sometimes I want to turn to that...if you didn't catch it, I said most of the time I can control the temptations and it will pass. But for those of you who have never had a problem with self injury, you'll never understand what it's like. Sorry if I made you think I was a horrible person, I'm not. I just feel sometimes that I have to put on an act for everybody. I just want to have some fun, that's all. I just miss all the people I used to hang around. My mom, like you Kashylah, doesn't understand that I don't let my friends influence me (I'm sure me saying that will backfire b/c people will probably say something to that). She doesn't know that I did drugs because I WANTED TO or that I had sex because I WANTED TO. She thinks that it's all my friend's fault because her mom told my mom that she had found beer bottles in her house one day. My friend is a virgin (btw, she used to be my best friend and we were so close), so she didn't influence me to have sex, or do drugs. I did them because I wanted to and I had sex and drank because I wanted to. So I'm just upset...but I guess I can't do anything about it.
awww CHEER UP! ashlee's no ur not a bad person.i never judge a book by its cover...im a teenager too i understand i can relate to what ur saying, ok i dont understand all the things ur going through like self injury..but i can be there for u and support u even if i cant give u proper grown up advice doesnt mean i dont understand or aleast try to, if i listed all the things i did 4 fun im sure u guys would think im sick or weird but lets to go into that anyways the only thing i can say is since ur parents dont understand talk to ur counseller about it, im sure she's be able to help???...remember smile ashlee hope i helped xx take care xx
<p>[This message has been edited by xKaShyLahx (edited 07-26-2002).]
Thank you Kashylah, I appreciate your help, I really do. I'm sure this will pass...I just miss this guy I really like, too, and I just...ugh I don't know. Thanks for your help, it means so much to me. Take care.
Much <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif">~Ashlee
ok, im not that well at this advice thing but i can tell u that ithink ur parents are doing the right thing. not a thing any teenager wants to hear especially myself. but put urself in their shoes. maybe keeping u awayfrom that world of sex drugs and misteif (sp?) will actually help u in the long run. u may feel sh*tty now but it will probably help you. i know u miss your 2 friends and everything. u should stay friends with them no matter what happens. theysound like lifers <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif"> i had a similar problem as urs, i got into sum trouble with my friend julie but then my parents limited my contact with her and now im not so bad. and the self pain thing, i have been through that. whenrever i ewouldbe sad or really mad i would inflict pain on myself of any kind. either punching walls, scratching myself purty bad or not eating. things i shouldnt have done. but like u said ur a million times better and ur counselor is helping u a lot. ur on the road to recovery girl and i know u'll make it to the end <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">
teri beri's right, u gotta think of this from 2 sides sneaking around wont make u achieve anything...ur parents have there reason for doing this, maybe u might just learn something from this and it might be for the best....hope things turn out ok hun xx
[This message has been edited by xKaShyLahx (edited 07-26-2002).]<p>[This message has been edited by xKaShyLahx (edited 07-26-2002).]
<IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/mad.gif"> OMG <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif"> I never said my parents weren't right! I'm just having some problems and temptations and have been wanting to turn to all those things I did before! I know they are not good things to do, but I can't help it. I'd kill for some speed right now...grrr...I'm sorry I just never said my parents were wrong! I know they think they have reasons for keeping me from my friends they just don't understand that they don't influence me, I do things because I WANT TO DO THEM..........................
~Ashlee
<p>[This message has been edited by AshleeD (edited 07-26-2002).]
Sorry...lol...I'm in a bad mood. Thank you for the support Teri and Kashylah, I appreciate it. I just never said that I didn't think my parents had a right to do what they've done...well ya know just read the post above. Thanks again and sorry for being a *****.
Much <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif">~Ashlee
ashlee i have been through the thing with self injury,hope fully u will get over it soon. If u dont it will eat u up,teri knows where im coming from on this 1,its not just a phase, its because u are missing some thing in ur life. i was into the drugs and cuting earlyer this year until i meet my gfand i changed my life around, and i hope u can do the same.
ohh ashlee, I hope it wasn't my fault u were upset? <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif">shoot, me and my big mouth like i said before im not really good with this advice thing. Even if i cant give good advice im a good listener...i hope your not mad at me? <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love1.gif">everythings going to be alright your on the road to recovery, u can do it! <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/jester.gif">
Ash -
I've read you a lot on this board, and you give very good, very heartfelt advice. Now you need to take some. You've got to look at yourself and face some tough truths, sweetie. The depression and lethargy you're describing might be withdrawal from the drugs. Part of the reason that your friends' parents have problems with you might be that they don't want their daughters hanging with someone who uses dope and sneaks around behind her parents' backs.
You're young, and you're smart. You need to turn yourself around now, because it's only going to get harder the longer you let it slide. Stay in counseling. Find a counselor you like -- one who is fair but who is going to be tough on you. You say you're hoping this stuff will pass ... well, Ash, the self-destructive urges aren't going to "pass" unless you make them. Stay in counseling and get as much help and support as you can from your parents and family. But GET HELP. There are serious problems, potentially fatal problems if you ignore them. I'm not trying to scare you, but really, these things could kill you. Don't treat them like it's a case of acne that will just go away as you get older.
I always look forward to your posts on this board. You're very wise, Ashlee, and you share that wisdom with others to help them. Now it's time to start using some of that wisdom yourself.
I'm sorry CazzerKat, I thought I had thanked you! I never meant to leave you out! Thank you so much as well! And thanks for all the replies again I'm sorry I was so rude and it was none of your all's faults. Take care all and thank you again.
Much <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif">~Ashlee
Kashylah, no hun please don't think you did anything wrong, I was just in a bad mood! You give fine advice and please don't stop helping me out in fear that I will be a b*tch to you again! I'm so sorry and you're advice was fine! I just thought people weren't hearing me right...thanks erinmac, too. You're advice helped me as well. I just think that you guys took my problems and made it seem like they were just starting. I'm better. I don't cut myself anymore. It's rare that I will. I haven't done any drugs since I got in trouble and that was like 2-3 months ago. I haven't snuck out. And my friends parents btw didn't know everything I did. My good friend's (she's a girl) mom came to the house and told my mom this sh*t about my friend and gave her a note she'd found in her room and my mom started keeping me from her. She also keeps me from the guy I had sex with...but I guess I don't really blame her I just think you guys think my problems are HUGE and so bad when they are really not. I have a counselor, I go to her, I love her 2 death, and she helps me. I haven't done drugs, snuck out, had sex, or cut in like 3 months. So I'm proud of myself. Maybe some of you will be proud of me, too! Thanks again for ALL the advice I really appreciate it and again sorry if I mislead you in my first post and sorry for the b*tchy post, I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings! Btw, thanks for the compliments erinmac, I really appreciate them! Thanks again and TAKE CARE ALL!
Much <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif">~Ashlee <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif">
wow! thats good to hear ashlee im certainly proud of u keep up the good WORK...oh by the way could u please help me out with some of ur helpful advice on the depression board all u guys are welcome to give me advice too (erinmac)
Sure sweetie, love to. Hope we're still cool, and that you forgive me for hurting your feelings <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif">
I'm truly sorry to you and everyone else who was just trying to help me. I feel awful.
Sorry again, and take care all!
Much <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif"> ~Ashlee <IMG SRC="http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif"> <p>[This message has been edited by AshleeD (edited 07-28-2002).]
