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Old 03-31-2011, 01:05 PM   #1
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Unhappy Jealousy?? Overreacting? Helpp?? It would mean alot...

Okay, so this might be alot of typing and might be kind of confusing.but it's necassary to the story so please stick through, read it all, and help me out.
So me and my boyfriend were friends for a little while before we started dating. We've been dating almost 6 months now and at first I wasn't that jealous. There was only one girl I ever got jealous of and that was because he flirted with her all the time right in front of me. Like alot. He made sexual jokes with her and all.Oh and there's the part where people told him he needed to date the other girl, and ask if he dated her, after we dated.
I don't have many friends that are girls, I have maybe one close friend who is a girl. All my other friends were guys, because they're less trouble. My bf is friends with a bunch of girls. It didn't bother me at first, but he started controlling who I talked to. He told me not to talk to a couple of my friends, then a couple more. Then I pretty much dropped all my guy friends for him.
My bf flirts alot, with every girl. And I've been cheated on in the past, by the first guy I loved. The one I gave my virginity to.
So I have a hard time trusting.
And I have explained that to my boyfriend, and he gets angry at me.
I don't want to be that girl, the jealous ***** who controls her boyfriend all the time. I love him, and I want to trust him, but it's hard.
He flirts with every girl, and makes alot of sexual jokes.
I didn't say anything about it for a while, then I made a couple remarks about it bothering me, but he never stopped. Eventually, since he controlled who I talked to, I figured, I have a right to ask him to stop talking to someone too, right?
Well I asked him to stop talking to one girl, the one he had been flirting with the most from the beginning. And at first he wouldnt. Then he promised, on our relationship, that he would stop. But the next day he did it again. And it took a long time to get him to not talk to her any more, alot of crying. I felt like he didn't care what I thought and how I felt.
He eventually stopped when I almost broke up with him.
Then he found more girls he flirted with all the time,
and that bugged me.
I figured, I dropped all my friends for him, why can't he do it for me.
In my opinion, if a guy dates a girl, he shouldn't really have physical contact with any others. Like the only girl his arms should be around in any way, is his girlfriend.
So one day he put his arms around this one girl's neck and wouldn't let go. And when he told me and showed me how he was, i got mad. And asked him not to talk to her. I didn't like her before that, because she told her boyfriend not to talk to me (we were friends, she made him stop talking to every girl) so i was like "if you're gonna say yours cant talk to me, why should i let mine talk to you?"
So i asked him not to talk to her.
And he stopped. Or atleast, he said he did.
And then my friend, they joke around and stuff. He ended up pulling her on his lap and grabbing her boob. I was ****** about that. But he said it was a accident so I dropped it.
He's lied to me before, and I don't know whether to believe him or not when he tells me things.
And recently, after all of this, i've been getting really really jealous just over any girl he talks to.
And I told him about it, but he sais im being too controlling, and that im keeping him from having fun. And he said "I'm a guy, I have to talk to girls besides you, every day."
I asked alot of people about this, and they all said either that somethings going on and he's cheating on me, or that i have a right to be jealous, that he's not treating me right, and that i should break up with him.....
So what? Am i overreacting? Should I stop being so jealous? How???

Last edited by pinkkpandaa; 03-31-2011 at 01:07 PM.

 
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Old 03-31-2011, 01:24 PM   #2
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Re: Jealousy?? Overreacting? Helpp?? It would mean alot...

First, I'm wondering how old you both are -- you and your boyfriend? The root of jealousy is anger and insecurity. He cannot make you feel jealous. The only part he has control over is whether he is doing things, intentionally or unintentionally, that truly disrespect you or your relationship. Goofing off with and speaking to other human beings, male or female, is not, in and of itself disrespectful.

 
Old 03-31-2011, 01:44 PM   #3
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Re: Jealousy?? Overreacting? Helpp?? It would mean alot...

i didn't have to read all that to give you an answer.......
he's disrespectful......a guy that respects you doesn't make sexual jokes with other women, and doesn't do all the things that this guy does.
you don't need this......i'd dump his sorry butt, and pronto.

 
Old 03-31-2011, 02:02 PM   #4
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Re: Jealousy?? Overreacting? Helpp?? It would mean alot...

pinkkpanda - you sound a lot like me when I was in my first romantic experience. I was being treated very badly, but I loved him more than I respected myself, so I stayed, and cried and begged and whined, talked and explained, and kept thinking that if I just expressed myself just right, and let him know how his behavior hurt me, he would stop. But he never did. And your guy never will, either. He's made it clear that despite what he says when you're crying and threatening to leave, that he has every intention continuing flirting with other girls, having them sit on his lap, groping and fondling them, etc. Of course this behavior hurts you. It's grossly disrespectful to you. This guy is way too young and immature to be in any kind of real relationship. He's just not that into you, and he doesn't really care how his behavior affects you. He's mean, and controlling, expecting you to give up all your friends just because he says so, but lives a double standard and expects you to be ok with him grabbing other girls' boobs and whatnot.

You have two choices. Sit and take it and feel bad and cry because he treats you badly, or have enough self respect to know that you deserve to be treated better than that and put your walking shoes on and go out and have fun until you find a guy who will treat you with respect and dignity. Oh, and by the way, please don't be so quick to sell other girls short. The ones who aren't catty and telling you "stay away from my man!" or trying to steal yours can be a great source of support. Good luck to you.

 
Old 04-12-2011, 02:47 PM   #5
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Re: Jealousy?? Overreacting? Helpp?? It would mean alot...

I didnt have to read all of this to give you advice either. From past relationships i have learned that if a guy makes you give up all of your friends especislly guy friends for him then he is not worth your time. He is jealous and insecure, and you are going to regret all that you did for him just like i did. And you will realize he never accepted, appreciated, or really cared for you. This guy is bad news. Dont find that out the hard way like i did.

 
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