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Old 12-18-2011, 06:44 PM   #1
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Unhealthy relationship?

Hi.
I'm in senior high school right now, and I know that I'm really young with having a relationship yet. I have a boyfriend at the moment, and we've been dating for almost a year. I never knew he'd be a person like this. And I am really kind of fed up with everything. Now, everything is just scary to me too. I don't think I would want to have a relationship.
This relationship is my first time. I've known him for at least 3 years, and he's been really supportive and helpful. I must say I am thankful for that.
He's really, over protective/possessive. He started to make rules, where I cannot talk to my guy friends anymore, because he'd start overthinking. And it was really ridiculous of me to make the promise. Then, I started to think that if I wasn't allowed, why would he be able to talk to other girls? So I had asked him to keep the promise to not talk to girls. His friends are a real party people - one night stands, etc, so I would be really uncomfortable. He has all my passwords for my facebook, and msn messenger. And he hates me talking to my friends, girl friends. He gets really suicidal if I do talk to my friends. He tells me that he had kissed a girl on a cheek in the beginning of our relationship, when he went to a party and was forced by his friends to kiss this drunk girl because she like(d?) him. I would obviously become uncomfortable. I have to tell him where I am, or what I've done. He asks me a bit of every detail of how my day goes. He would constantly say I love you, and if I dont respond I love you back, he'd start to over thinking.
He would do many things, repeatedly, and I have cried. It has been really painful for me. I told him that I just want to enjoy my life because I am still a high school student. He said he understands, but it doesn't really seem like it. He would do things like, get mad, rant and then apologize. That has happened for at least 5 times, but he keeps doing the same thing over and over again.
I usually have to secretly talk to my guy friends, and delete any msgs, or make a new account to email my friends from out of the country.

I really do not know what to do. It's my very first relationship, and I have not experienced many good things.
I just can't do anything without worrying so much.
I'm not good with these posts either. I'm sorry if the things I'm talking are just all over the place.

 
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Old 12-19-2011, 07:38 AM   #2
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Re: Unhealthy relationship?

you are right in thinking this is an unhealthy relationship. your gut is telling you that, and your gut is always right.....you just need to listen to it. you knew it was wrong to make a promise that you wouldn't talk to your friends, male or female, especially when he refuses to stop talking to other girls. this is definately an unhealthy relationship and on it's way to being abusive. abusers isolate you from your friends and family, abusers control you and question your every move and pick apart your words looking for something. they do this because they're insecure. please protect yourself and get out of this relationship. talk to a guy friend or a brother or someone who can help you if you feel unsafe about this situation. this guy is not a good boyfriend, and not all guys are like this. get away from him before he ruins your self-esteem and your spirit.
he's no good!

Last edited by Administrator; 12-19-2011 at 11:08 PM.

 
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Old 12-19-2011, 08:52 AM   #3
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Re: Unhealthy relationship?

I hope you listen to Rose, and no doubt everyone else who offers advice, for I'm sure they'll all say the same thing. This guy is controlling, and not mentally healthy. If he gets suicidal, that is not your responsibility. It is wrong wrong wrong to stay with someone out of any kind of fear, fear of them hurting themselves, fear of being alone, fear of hurting them, whatever. This guy will bring you nothing but misery. I hardly ever just come right out and tell someone to dump their problematic boyfriend, but in your case, it's warranted. This guy is no good, will only make you unhappy, and may even become unsafe to be around. Break it off, the sooner the better.

Last edited by Administrator; 12-19-2011 at 11:08 PM.

 
Old 12-19-2011, 09:33 AM   #4
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Re: Unhealthy relationship?

one more thing i forgot to mention.....you said he gets suicidal.....
i'm guessing he's not so much suicidal as he is manipulative.....
what i'm saying is he's probably threatening suicide to get his way
don't fall for it!

Last edited by Administrator; 12-19-2011 at 11:08 PM.

 
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Old 12-21-2011, 09:00 PM   #5
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Re: Unhealthy relationship?

my 17 year old daughter just got out of a relationship that was only a year and a half long and had some similar things happening in it. That's only the things that I could see going on. She tried to end it three times before she finally stood her ground. He still cry's and begs her to come back to him. It is very difficult but she figured out that his jealousy is not good for her and had become very controlling. They had argued, and fought very often and very loudly and he always apologized and told her he loved her.
What you are living with is very difficult and dangerous for you. It is very, very hard to get out of this type of relationship so make sure you have family and friends ready to help you. Your family probably has been worried sick about you and will be ready to help you out. They can see what has been happening and so have your friends. All the people who used to be in your life and who miss you very much. Thats what guys like this do they take away all your support so you depend on them and only them.
I will suggest a book for you that will help. I have been there and I have known many other women, much older than you that have landed in your shoes. Get out and learn from your situation. Get older and wiser and get your life back.
YOu go girl.
The book I mentioned is worth the read. Go to library and borrow it.
Then get some more books on the subject and find a way to get into healthy relationships in the future.

The book is called........
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them
(When Loving Hurts And You Don't Know Why)
Written by Susan Forward
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