This is a part of my life, that has impacted me in a big way. I appreciate any advice and input.
Just having turned 15, I was happy to say the least. I was innocent, pure in the very sense of the word. I had dreams of having a wonderful high school experience and then going off to university. I even thought that there was no such thing as evil intentions, and evil deeds. I thought that everyone was either nice or just mean because they choose to be. Guess you could say I was naive. Maybe also a dreamer.
Then 2 weeks after my birthday, I met my abuser. Of course, like any naive 15-year-old, I thought this would be my knight in shining armor, who would never hurt - always protect me. I never knew what he was capable of, and a part of me didn't want to believe he could ever hurt me. He acted all sweet and caring at the beginning. And since it was my first relationship he melted me right away. He rushed right into a relationship with me, and tried to get closer - as fast as he could.
I enjoyed most of my time with him. We'd talk, laugh, kiss and bit, then talk some more. I thought he really did care about me. He tricked me. He told me he loved me, and that he wanted to please me. He told me that it would be alright. And I trusted him.
He insulted my intelligence saying that it didn't matter if he was in the 11th grade and getting much lower grades than I, that I was still "not at his level". Sometimes he would even say the most horrible things ever like, "I could never imagine sleeping with you." "You annoy me... sod off." "Can't you do anything right." "You don't deserve me." But I never wanted to believe all that. Something was wrong, I could feel it... but I just didn't know what it was. I had no idea I was being abused to such a degree. He is arrogant, selfish, rude, and has no character at all. I asked myself all the time, "Why would he treat someone he 'loves' this way? How could he not seem to care at all? Why does he keep trying to bring me down?"
He went so far as to insult my $80 birthday present to him, saying, that "It was too manly for a boy like him." And he NEVER gave me anything as or more expensive than I had. After this I decided it was the last straw, and broke up with him. Even with the look he gave me, I still managed to. He ignored me. He ignored me until I couldn't take it anymore. Then shortly after, I got back together with him. (I took the first step, foolish me, I know!) The problem was that I was too emotionally attached to let go. I even overheard him later on near the permanent end of our relationship talking to his friend saying "She couldn't resist getting back with me."
He also went out with his friends to a party and never even invited me, instead he expected me to actually ASK to be invitied. At this point, I felt like a REAL object. With the user coming and using it, and then going away. He called me at ridiculous times from now on. Early mornings, middle of the nights, until my mom got upset and picked up the phone to tell him off. Throughout the whole relationship it was always, "I'm going to be with you when I want, and not when I don't want." He even called me narrow-minded in front of my parents at a restaurant because I thought eating shark fin soup and dog was a horrible thing.
The latest thing he would do was lose control and instead of a mild outburst, he would yell in my face and brutally insult and hurt me. One day I picked up the phone, did not provoke an argument in any way and he yelled,"we're over!!!!" After that, I had never contacted him again. He showed no interest or anything. Whenever I was near, he didn't even say hi. He treats me like a ghost even today and I can't wait until he's gone from highschool so I can be in grade 12 without ever seeing him again.
He damaged me, before I ever saw it. And even today, I have no idea what to think of it. I never knew someone could ever be so heartless, like an empty shell with absolutely no soul inside. No character. Just plain stupidity, and perhaps a mental disorder.
What do you guys think? What should I do? Besides, I have already vowed to myself that since I didn't have actual sex with him (thank God for that), that I will wait for marriage, or at least an extremely committed engagement. I will never EVER EVER EVER, let myself be pushed around that way. Unfortunantely I have lost a lot, but at least there's always a good thing that comes from something bad...