Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Launceston, Australia
Health Anxiety, teenager. Life is hell.
At the very start of the school year (15th Febuary) I initiated a diet which spanned around six months, and resulted in me loosing 20 Kgs. Here are my stats: I'm a teenaged male. I was at a weight of 75, but after my diet I went down to 65. My diet consisted of cutting portions by halving meals, and eating fruits, veggies, and all sorts of 'healthy' foods.
In the recent holidays (June) I had a health scare, where I was having shortness of breath. This moved on to heart palpations and dizziness, and I went to a new doctor (My normal one was not available). I have a history of Anxiety, and this doc put my episodes down to that. He also checked my body fat levels, to which I have 5% (I should have 11% for my age). So, I was sent away with a mission: regain weight in a healthy way.
This Doc was keen to see me through, organising a 'care plan', which involved seeing a Dietician, and an Exercise Therapist. Since my Doctor was going away for a while, all this was starting about a month later.
Another issue I was having was my big toe, on my right foot. It was ingrown, and had become infected. I was on six courses of antibiotics in total, to try and heal it. However, they all failed at fixing it. So I had a procedure done in which the right side of the nail was cut out, and it seems to have healed quite well.
The next week after that, I had another scare. I had always been aware of STI's and the risks, I had even gone as far to research various things. Anyway, in this week, I noticed that my neck glands were swollen. I instantly recognised this a symptom of HIV, and I went into absolute meltdown.
I was only worried about HIV because I am gay, and had a partner about 2 months and 21 days before my scare. We kissed, performed oral sex, and only briefly did we engage in 'intercourse'. I wouldn't really call it that, It was just brief protected penetration by both (no more than 2 minutes inside).
Anyway, this partner said he was tested for everything under the sun. "I've had HIV tests." I believed him, Well, either I was stupid or just didn't care. He had never tested, and I was with him. I regret it so much. He had at least 20 sexual partners, to which he said everything was protected. Could I believe him? probably not.
Anyway, This meltdown was truly scary. I am only a teenager, and I thought to myself: "You had your whole life ahead of you. Stupid boy." I remember sitting in my room crying all day, pacing, and harming myself by biting and clawing my skin. During this, I went to see my Psychologist, who could not cope with my level of distress. She referred me to another psychologist for a clinical assessment, which I will go into more later. After about three days, I finally raked up the courage to tell someone. I told my dear Nan (But I said it was a hetrosexual encounter), and she reassured me there was no risk. I asked her If she could organise some tests, and she booked a doctors appointment the following week. I never intended to tell my parents, but I had to. I also told them it was a straight encounter, and they were initially supportive, but began to get angry when I kept soaking about it.
So I had my tests done, and everything was negative. My Doc ordered glandular fever, chlamydia, HIV, and various other things. The tests indicated I had a low level of Vitamin D, which I solved by taking tablets. I thought this was the end of all my problems, and my Care Plan was cancelled. I was on a daily binge of the fattiest foods I could lay my hands on, and still am. I've put on 5 kgs since then.
My life was back on track. All until about 4 weeks later, when I read about how HIV tests are only conclusive after 3 months. Again, I was in meltdown. I had a crying episode, and my Dad caught me. He was very cross, and said I was being stupid. This blame made me feel like crap, and the guilt was unbearable. I couldn't tell anyone, even my parents. My Nan already had a lot on her plate, and I couldn't bare to stress her further. Dad took me back to the doctor, for my follow-up tests. Everything was Negative, again. I was reassured, because this was the 3 month and 6 day mark.
I was happy to be Negative. But ever since that second meltdown, things hadn't quite been the same. Life was dark, I had severe derealisation, I wasn't sleeping, and I still had fatigue (I had it ever since my first doctors visit in the first paragraph). My ref feral went great, Rosie was extremely supportive and intrigued by my situation. After two sessions of evaluation, Rosie had come to the conclusion that I had a high level of Health Anxiety, and that my scare with HIV had developed it into depression.
I guess I was happy to see that something was wrong with me, so I had the chance to fix things. But recently, there has been a new, malevolent line of thought. I have decided that I must have a brain tumour. Back after my original tests, I had a day where I randomly had a vomit. I hadn't even eaten anything yet, I just threw up. Since then, I've noticed that I can have dull, on/off headaches (although not as severe as some would say) and only over the last few days, have I been feeling extremely nauseated.
I am lost as to what to do. I've tried talking to my friends about everything, and all I get is "You don't have a brain tumour. You're overreacting". My parents don't know about this yet, I am too scared to tell them. "You're overacting Zac. Move on with your life." I may well be overreacting, but you never know. Rather safe than sorry yes? I begin my sessions with my old therapist soon (Who Rosie referred all my analysation to) and I don't know If I can wait. I can't stop googling symptoms, looking up statistics, and planning my funeral. What do I do? I'm a teenager and my life is absolute hell. If anyone can help me, I would be more than thankful. Please.
Last edited by ms_mod; 08-06-2012 at 03:54 AM.